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He sniffles and swipes at his cheeks with the hand not secured beneath mine. “I got you something. For making second string.”

“You did?”

“It’s in theglove box.”

Reluctantly, I take my hand from his so I can turn forward and rifle through the glove compartment. Among schoolwork, pieces of mail, and a lot of rubber bands, there’s a narrow box with the sticker seals still on it. The box says FitBit on it with an image of just that, black like Rowan’s clothes.

“I noticed you never use one,” Rowan says. “Figured you don’t have one already. It’ll help you with your workouts, especially when I’m not there.”

The sweat on my fingers wet the sleek box. “Rowan, this is a lot.”

“You’ve made a lot of progress.”

I look at him. Just stare at him for a few long moments before I drop the box on my lap and hold his face instead. I kiss him, and this time, the salt I taste isn’t from sweat, but tears.

When he kisses me back, I feel like everything’s going to be alright. Whether or not that’s true, I’ll leave for the universe to decide.

“C’mon,” I say after a good minute of my lips pressed to his. “Now I have to buy you ice cream.”

12

Rowan

Tommy lets me off the hook for not being able to give him any real answers, and that only solidifies my opinion that he’s perfect. Better than I’ll ever be, that’s for sure.

Just like every party I’ve been dragged to, I didn’t want to go to this one tonight. I wanted to celebrate Tommy’s progress by making him run suicides with me again. Then I figured I’d give him the FitBit before or after giving him head. Still can’t believe Tommy didn’t call my ass out when I lied and said I’m not gay. Even after he came out to me, I couldn’t return the favor, but we’re just two different people. I don’t know how to be like him.

Knowing for sure Tommy is gay, or bi, changes things. Makes everything feel more like something real. I’m not sure if that makes things better or worse, though, since I don’t have a clue what to do with something that’s real.

I’ve never been in a relationship before. I’ve never had someone I like like me back.

What am I going to do?

Nothing, for now.

I eat this Oreo Blizzard with my ass on the hood of the Legacy, eyes on a brick wall while Tommy smiles at me like I’m not just a high functioning train wreck.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” he asks.

I scoff, but with how warm my face is in the cool air, I’m sure I’m blushing like crazy. Tommy’s one to talk. When he walked out of his little suburban bungalow earlier looking fresh as fuck, all I wanted to do was climb him like a tree. He’s lost a bit of muscle mass, but the muscle he’s retaining is more taut and defined now, like he’s sculpted from stone. His t-shirt and jeans do little to hide how incredibly built he is.

I stab my plastic spoon into my Blizzard, prepping for a monster bite. “Thanks, gay boy. Or, bi boy? Gay boy has a better ring to it.”

Tommy snorts, full lips glistening with a sheen of ice cream residue from the milkshake he’s been sipping on. “Kinda likebabyboy the best.”

“I knew you liked that. Saw it in your eyes the first time I called you it. Like you wanted to eat me.”

“I wanted to kill you.”

Recalling that evening on the McKinley soccer pitch before Tommy introduced his fist to my eye socket, I chuckle. “That too.” I pop my monster bite into my mouth and savor the icy rush down my throat. Not nearly as tasty as Tommy’s jizz, but it’s a pretty great consolation prize, considering what a chump I am.

“You know,” I say, “I think this is the first time I’ve ever liked a guy who isn’t straight.”

“You’re the one who made me realize I’m not straight.”

There’s a smile on Tommy’s face and a lightness to his tone, but it’s still hard to hear something like that. I don’t ever want to force anything onto him. I can be domineering and impatient, but I never want to hurt him.

“I’m sorry.”