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“Let me guess,” she said at my silence, “you think they’re right too.”
“They’re fuckingwrong.”
Her eyes grew wide. “But?—”
“Stella, you’re exactly how you should be. Never change for some fucking idiot who doesn’t realize what he has.”
“So, you didn’t turn me down because of how I am?”
“What?No.”
“Oh. I thought ... I thought I was annoying.”
“No. You were never the problem. It was me. Always me.”
The words hung heavy in the air, and I could only hope that she believed them.
“So it wasn’t my personality or my clothes or?—”
“It was never any of that. You don’t have to change athing. For every person who doesn’t like you, another will love you exactly as you are.”
“And which side are you on?”
What a dangerous question. I knew I couldn’t answer it.
“Be yourself. Don’t stay around people who change you.”
Stella’s shoulders slumped. I knew that wasn’t the answer she wanted. It was the right one—it had to be, though it didn’t feel like it.
Getting trapped with her was one of the worst things because as time went on, the memory of why I was doing this kept fading.
“I don’t hate you,” I added. “I could never hate you.”
“You just can’tdateme.”
“Couldyoudate me?After everything?”
She was going to say no—she had to.
If she didn’t, I didn’t know what I would do.
“It’s just a hypothetical. After my string of awful luck, it would be nice to know thatsomeonewants me.”
Don’t say anything. For the love of God, keep your mouth shut.
“Someonedoeswant you. I can promise you that.”
Her green eyes met mine again. Years could have passed in that moment, but it didn’t matter. The intensity of her gaze spoke volumes.
I want it to be you,I could have sworn she was saying.
It could have just been my feelings manifesting. It could have been that she was staringat meand notbehind me. But I wanted her to say those words. I wanted to know that I could still mean something to her.
Even if I didn’t deserve it.
“Yeah, maybe.” Her eyes fell back down to the puzzle and she went silent. My shoulders slumped. It should have been a relief that she didn’t tell me she still wanted me.
It wasn’t.