Page 47

“We’re not sharing heat here. Move closer.”
“But—”
“Now.”
“Since when are you so bossy?” She still didn’t move.
“Come on. I said it didn’t mean anything.” And that was a lie. I’d be dreaming about this for the rest of my damn life. She’d be walking down the aisle, happy to be getting married to someone else, and this moment would play back in my mind.
“Cuddling isn’t something that meansnothingto me. Even if we don’t talk anymore, I tend to ... take it too far in my sleep.”
“Take it too far?”
“I cling. A lot. And I’d rather freeze to death than do that with you.”
I closed my eyes. She could never take it too far with me. Only I could with her.
“Don’t worry. I won’t ever bring it up again. What happens in this living room stays here.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
It had to.
She shivered again. “Still no.”
“I don’t care about your pride. I’m not having you freeze to death in front of a fire.”
“I’m not going to freeze to death. I’ll just be miserable.”
“I don’t want that either.”
Her only answer was silence. I took a chance, and I grabbed her by the waist, dragging her to me. She squeaked, her entire body tense as she finally got close enough to share my heat.
I threw the pile of warm, fuzzy blankets over us both.
“Fuck you for being warm.”
“I’ll try to be colder next time.”
She breathed against my arm. My eyes closed as I took in every second of this feeling.
It had been seven years and three days since I’d had her this close. And yes, I’d kept track of each day, regret only piling on over time.
“Tell me again that this means nothing.” Her voice was soft. I wondered if she’d gone down the rabbit hole I did.
I should have told her exactly what she wanted to hear.
But no words came out.
“Only you would fall asleep while holding me,” she said darkly. “I guess I got my answer.”
I stared at every strand of her hair and wished Iwasasleep. Her body’s proximity and soft voice made me feel the things I swore I would never act on again.
But when she was this close, it was hard to remember the reasons why I swore not to.
Stella sighed, and her arm came around where mine was. “At least when you’re asleep you won’t let go.”