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“At one point, Ithoughtit could work. He checked all the boxes. He had a fancy apartment and a good job. And he seemed to like me.” Her eyes went to the window. “That’s hard to find.”
I opened my mouth to tell her she was so fucking wrong it wasn’t even funny, but then I stopped myself. What the hell was I doing? Telling her that was opening a door I’d slammed shut years ago.
At least I still had a shred of control.
“Anyway,” she said with a humorless chuckle, “I should have known it wouldn’t work when he made shitty hot chocolate.”
“Maybe that’s how you should choose your boyfriends—how they make your favorite drink.”
“Probably. But I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like being in a relationship. Even with Reed, it felt like a chore. I’ve never felt a connection with anyone, but ...” Her eyes trailed to me and then back down to her phone. “Well, no one, I guess.”
Silence stretched over us. Did she mean me? Had she felt it all those years ago too?
No.I didn’t need to do this. I didn’t need to think like this.
“I should go call my boss.” I stood and took a few steps away from her.
“Yeah, you do that.”
I threw on my coat and went outside, grateful for the frigid air. I didn’t need to be out here, but I wanted to have some space. I never hated Nick more than I did whenever I was in Stella’s orbit. I never wanted toruinthings with Nick more than I did now.
Running a hand through my hair, I called my boss who said that he could get to the park to help out the other ranger, Ryan, since he was in the city. He told me to stay safe and warm before hanging up.
And now that everything was taken care of in the outside world, it left me alone with Stella—something that I had no idea what to do about.
NINE
Though Alden wasn’t evenin the house, I went to Amma’s room for some time alone. But the second I sat on her bed, the cold seeped through my sweater and stayed there. I didn’t know how Alden kept going outside and surviving.
I heard the front door open but I didn’t move, still clinging to the hope that I could have some time alone. Soon, my hands grew cold and I had to move in search of the fire.
I shut the door and turned to Alden, who was once again checking on the stove. The first thing I noticed was the way his ass pressed into his dark-wash jeans. God, was it always so pert? What would it feel like to grab?
“Stella?” he asked as he turned. I averted my eyes.
“The bedrooms are freezing,” I said as I shut the doors. “There’s no way either of us could sleep in them.”
“I figured that would happen. The living room is theonly livable room because of the fire.” He went back to his work. “It’s still our best option, but it creates a vacuum that sucks the heat out of the surrounding air.”
“Huh. I didn’t know that.”
“Not many people do. They use fires for the looks, not ... this.”
“So, did you learn all of this stuff from your hikes?” I asked.
“That and being a park ranger.”
“Right. You know, no one saw that coming.”
“Neither did I. But I like it. Plus, it helps me keep you safe.”
My skin prickled. I liked the idea of him keeping me safe—but I also wanted to take care of my own damn self.
The wind beat against the house again, reminding me just how scary this situation was. “I can’t believe it got so bad so fast.”
“It hit harder than they expected.”
“That’s not how storms usually go here. How many times did we see snowstorm warnings when we were kids and then be disappointed when they missed us? We always wanted school to be out for the day.”