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SKYLAR99: But then we started joking around, and everything was fine. It happened a few more times before we let ourselves talk about it.

CAMERONX: You were out by then? Like to yourself and your parents?

SKYLAR99: I’d already figured it out. Neither one of us were out yet. He never told his family. They’re religious.

CAMERONX: Oh great. A gay kid with religious parents. That’s always a winning combination.

SKYLAR99: Yeah. He never wanted them to find out. But he was okay with us.

In fact, Jeremiah was the first to describe it as love. In those final days before they were due to return home. He had hugged Ricky so tight that it had been hard to breathe, like he was scared of losing what they had together. And then he’d said it.

I love you, Ricky. And I’ll never stop.

SKYLAR99: We didn’t go to the same school but we both lived in Colorado Springs. We used to ride our bikes across town to meet each other.

CAMERONX: Sounds sweet.

SKYLAR99: It was. Eventually he got the idea to take a course after school so we had an excuse to see each other. And our parents would have to drive us there.

CAMERONX: Genius! Please tell me you learned how to square dance.

SKYLAR99: Ha ha. No. That would have been fun. He wanted to take judo, which I wasn’t crazy about.

CAMERONX: Why not?

Because for most of Ricky’s childhood, he had to deal with cultural stereotypes. The other kids always expected him to be the ninja character on the playground, or they’d call him Bruce Lee. He didn’t want to explain this to Cameron though. Rickyhadn’t revealed his race yet. He was too fearful of rejection. And besides, they were only friends. So far, during their chat sessions, it hadn’t gotten romantic. Just a little flirtatious here and there.

SKYLAR99: I’m not into martial arts. And it’s where he met her.

CAMERONX: Wait wait wait! I don’t like the sound of this!

SKYLAR99: I didn’t either. I got to see him fall in love again. From the outside.

CAMERONX: As in, he actually liked her back?

SKYLAR99: Yeah. For real.

He hated to admit it, even now, but it wasn’t an act. He didn’t think that Jeremiah had gotten cold feet about them, or was trying to be something that he wasn’t. That’s what had made it so frustrating.

CAMERONX: And so he starts hitting on this girl in front of you?

SKYLAR99: I don’t think he meant for it to happen. I really don’t.

SKYLAR99: I tried to win him back, but she had so many advantages. They went to the same school. She got to meet his family. Worst of all, she was really nice. I liked her too. Just not in the same way he did.

CAMERONX: I’m scared to ask what happened next.

Ricky steeled himself for that part. Or tried to. Jeremiah had dropped a bombshell, and it felt like the shrapnel was still embedded in his heart.

SKYLAR99: I confronted him about it and begged him to stop seeing her. That’s when he admitted that he loved her. I pointed out that he loved me too, and he said…

SKYLAR99: “Yeah, but being with you will make everyone hate me.”

CAMERONX: Ouch. I am so sorry! That’s a terrible thing to say.

SKYLAR99: Yeah. Thanks.

The worst part was, Ricky had understood what he meant. Jeremiah was bisexual. If he chose to stay with Ricky, it would’ve meant having to come out and deal with people’s homophobic stupidity. Or he could focus exclusively on women, get married, have children, and never risk losing his parents’ love. Ricky had felt so insignificant in front of that avalanche of reasons. And inretrospect, they had been so damn young. Their feelings hadn’t felt that way though.