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But he didn’t deny it.

Cameron stared at him. “When we first met, you mentioned being in love with a straight guy. You made it sound like it was all in the past. But it’s not. Is it?”

Anthony’s expression was pained. He got to his feet and walked a few paces away before turning toward Cameron with a pleading expression. “I do love him. So much that it hurts. Really bad, because I know we’ll never be together. I’m okay with that. As much as I can be. But I can’t risk losing what we do have, you know?”

“Of course,” Cameron said as he stood. “I mean, what would you be left with, right? Just some guy that you don’t want anyoneto find out about.” His face was burning as he headed for the bedroom door.

“Wait!” Anthony said. “You didn’t let me finish!”

“What else is there to say? How you feel about me?” Before he could answer, Cameron opened the door a crack. “Careful. Someone might hear you.”

Anthony’s lips were pressed together, those green eyes watery but uncompromising.

Cameron shook his head and left the room, his heart aching as he went downstairs, let himself out, and drove away.

— — —

The early morning light was pale, the sky above gray as a bitter wind battered Anthony from behind. He pulled his coat closer around himself and picked up the pace, hoping the exertion would warm him up again. And get him to Cameron’s house in time. Anthony hadn’t slept well last night, certain that he had lost the best thing that had ever happened to him. He felt so dumb! And yet, he was hounded by the truth.

He loved Omar. He also loved Cameron. Anthony had never considered this a betrayal, since nothing could come of his feelings for Omar. He wouldn’t act on them even if he could. The temptation had been there previously, but if given the opportunity now, he would remain committed to Cameron. Assuming they were still together, which he wasn’t sure of. What was he supposed to do anyway? He couldn’t banish the feelings he had for Omar and didn’t want to. That love, even unspoken, was part of their friendship. Helikedhow it felt, even though it caused him pain. Getting rid of it would be like putting a beloved pet to sleep, just because the new arrival was feeling territorial.

“You’re an idiot,” Anthony hissed to himself.

If he was smart, he’d take his feelings for Omar out back and shoot them. He tried to imagine a future where he was happily married to Cameron. They’d have careers and maybe even kids. Everything would be perfect. Except when he thought back to his old best friend from high school, who he would’ve broken off contact with decades before. Out of necessity. Distance was the only cure—a goodbye so painful that it would shatter his heart and make it impossible to feel that same love again. For anyone.

He saw Cameron’s house ahead and let out a whimper of relief that the station wagon was still parked in the driveway.Anthony had left the house early to get there. He went to the car, already trembling as he stood next to it and waited. He considered knocking, but he wasn’t sure how he’d explain himself if Cameron’s parents opened the door. Instead he watched the windows, which reflected the cold November sky back at him, making it impossible to see inside. As he stood there next to a vehicle covered in dew, he tried to figure out what he’d say, how he would explain what was in his heart before offering it to Cameron once more. He wouldn’t lie. Or deny how he really felt. Anthony only hoped he wouldn’t be rejected.

When the front door finally opened, Cameron was alone. He stopped in surprise before continuing toward him, his expression difficult to read.

“I’m sorry,” Anthony blurted out. “I love you. That’s what I should have started with last night. I’m messed up and willing to admit it. But I really do love you, no matter what you think.”

Cameron’s expression softened as he neared. “You’re shivering!” he said, looking Anthony over with concern. “How long have you been standing here?”

“I don’t know,” Anthony admitted. “I can’t feel my toes.”

Cameron attempted to take his hands. Anthony flinched and pulled away, his eyes moving to the windows again.

“This is the problem,” Cameron said softly. “Not your feelings for Omar. I can deal with that. But look at us. All I want to do is warm your hands. You’re my boyfriend, for crying out loud!”

“Am I still?” Anthony asked in a wavering voice.

“Yes, of course.” Cameron took his backpack from him. “Come on. Get in the car. At least I can get the heater running.”

Anthony eagerly took shelter inside the station wagon. Cameron tossed their stuff in the backseat and started the engine, but he didn’t drive away. Instead he took Anthony’s frozen hands, kissing each before breathing to warm them.

“You don’t have to come out yet,” Cameron said. “Not until you’re ready. It was wrong of me to push.”

“You were trying to help,” Anthony said. “I thought about it and bet you’re right about my parents. It’s hard to see clearly when I’m so afraid.”

“Fear also makes it hard to love,” Cameron said. “It gets in the way. We have to conquer that, but we can do so together.When you’re ready.” He moved Anthony’s hands to the seat, tucking them beneath his thigh, where it was warmer. “And when I’m ready too. I can’t come out to anyone at school without making them suspicious about you. But I do want to come out to my parents.”

“Okay,” Anthony said. “It’s not my choice anyway, but I’ll support you however I can.”

“Thanks,” Cameron said. “It already helps knowing that I can turn to you.”

“For all of it,” Anthony said, his lip quivering. “I’ll do anything for you. I’ll even come out. No matter what it costs me, because I can’t lose you either.” He wiped at his tears, feeling foolish.

“Come here,” Cameron said gently. “It’s all right. My dad is out of town, my mom is in the shower, and if you haven’t noticed, we’ve fogged up the windows.”