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They kept talking while Silvia ate. She was helping with the dishes when she remembered to ask,“Is there anything you need help with?”

“Yes,”Elena replied dismissively, “but it can wait. I think.”

“I don’t mind.”

Her mother shot her an apologetic expression before leaving the kitchen. She didn’t like having to burden Silvia with such things, but this had been a part of her life for as long as she could remember. Her parents had a shaky grasp of English, and when it came to complicated documents and forms, they were near helpless. Silvia didn’t mind. They took care of each other. That’s what family did.

Elena returned with a few pieces of paper that had been stapled together in one corner.“This is for your brother’scachorro exploradores.”

Silvia laughed. “Cub scouts. You have to say it in English or it sounds weird.” The literal translation was closer to puppy explorers.

“Cub scouts,” her mother repeated, continuing in English. “They are asking for money?”

“Let me look.” Silvia read through the paper, which mentioned needing to buy a uniform and a book. An order form was attached. That was fine. She was more worried about what sort of information was required. None of the forms asked for social security or driver’s license numbers. They could pay by cash, although now that she had her own bank account, that was no longer an issue. There was also a permission slip and waiver that needed to be signed and dated. She walked her mother through all of this, using the opportunity to tutor her in English. Of her parents, Elena was the quickest learner. Silvia even let her write the check to get more practice.

“We can pay you back,”her mother said.

“It’s fine. I got paid today.”

Her mother didn’t press the issue, and Silvia was glad, because she knew how hard her parents worked to provide for them. She had plenty of worries and often wished that things were different, but she never once felt resentful about needing to contribute. In fact, it was hard to imagine it being any other way.From an early age she’d taken whatever small jobs she could find, working limited hours at a grocery store, delivering papers on her bike, and when she was much younger, collecting aluminum cans for money so she could save up for whatever she wanted. The business finances elective was so basic when compared to the experience she’d already accumulated that Silvia was beginning to think she’d have an edge after graduating. When everyone else was struggling to budget for rent and groceries, she’d still be squirreling away money in a savings account and only taking out what she truly needed.

“Come watch TV with us,”her mother said when they had finished rinsing and drying the dishes.

They had the luxury of cable television, thanks to a neighbor who spliced his feed to share it with them. There were two different Spanish channels, although Hugo often wanted to watch something in English. Tonight it was a rerun ofThe Simpsons, the humor universal enough that her parents were able to enjoy it. Before long, her father began to yawn.

“Time for bed, kiddo,” Silvia said.

Hugo pretended not to hear, so she began pinching his stomach fat until he finally rolled off the couch while squealing with laughter. Silvia escorted him down the hall to the bathroom and watched him brush his teeth. When they were in the bedroom they shared, she made Hugo get into his pajamas on his own, even though he acted like he wasn’t capable. She sat at the desk in one corner with her back to him. This was her special spot. He wasn’t allowed to touch anything on the desk or on the short bookshelf next to it. The rest of the room was his to clutter with toys and comics. Not this corner though. While he was fussing and wearing himself out, she took out the phone number Omar had given her the other day, wondering if she was expected to call. And if so, what were they supposed to talk about? Romantic things?

She didn’t have time to ponder it before her brother asked to be tucked in. They shared a queen-sized bed. Silvia stretched out on it while still dressed. Her brother snuggled up next to her, murmuring questions that he was too tired to process the answers to. He drifted off before long.

Still feeling restless, Silvia slipped out of bed and covered him up to his neck with a sheet. The trailer was quiet as she shut thebedroom door. Her parents would be settling down in their room so they could get their usual early start. Sometimes she would sit on the couch and watch TV with the volume down low. Her head was too stuffed full of thoughts for that tonight.

She went outside, swirls of stars sparkling in an indigo sky. Living on the outskirts of Pride had its advantages. The night was tranquil, aside from the studio laughter drifting from the open windows of other trailers. An air conditioning unit clicked on and hummed. A pair of dogs barked news at each other from across the park. These sounds faded as she continued walking toward the undeveloped land, the trees looming over her as she neared. She stepped into the comfort of their embrace, not intimidated by the darkness that surrounded her. The soundtrack had changed. Cicadas hummed in unison, a soothing song that always put her in a trance.

Out here, she could exhale and let go of everything. The fears, the plans, the responsibilities… All of it seemed so distant and small. She thought of Omar again, searching inside herself for what she truly felt. She liked him. Nothing more. That was fine, wasn’t it? Mindy was always talking about love, as if it was something tangible that could be seen or measured. That came later though. Didn’t it?

Are you going to kiss him?

The breath was thin in her lungs as she contemplated the possibility. Silvia imagined lips touching her own and felt the same fluttering as before. She pictured staring into dark sparkling eyes and what it would be like to experience an emotion that was new to her. Love. Not what she felt for her parents, her brother, or Mindy. Love of a different kind. A yearning rose from deep inside her, providing the answer to an unasked question. She was willing to take on one more complication, if only to see if it suited her.

— — —

After thinking it over while channel surfing for most of the night, Ricky decided that what he missed most was kissing. The sexual experiences he’d had were exciting, but also sort of confusing and intimidating, since it had all been so new. That wasn’t an issue with the simpler stuff. The first time Jeremiah had held his hand, for instance. He still remembered how good that had felt, even though it had been hidden beneath the pillowof a common room couch. Their hands had gotten so sweaty that Jeremiah had started squeezing while making squelching noises with his mouth. Ricky hadn’t been able to stop laughing. And when they’d kissed…

That was when Ricky had known for sure his interest went beyond the sexual. His attraction to Jeremiah was just as emotional as it was physical. The kiss had proven it to him. What they’d had together was love. He missed it. And he was sick of waiting. He’d wasted an entire summer hoping for a miracle, and months and months before that wishing for things to go back to how they used to be. Ricky couldn’t forget Jeremiah, but hecouldtry to move on.

He thought briefly of Omar, and how excited he was to go on his date with Silvia. Meaning he probably wasn’t gay, which made what they’d done even hotter, although Ricky wanted something more substantial.

He turned off the TV and went over to his desk. Once his dialing software was open, he had the modem call Side Streets, a local BBS where gay people could meet. The service allowed up to eight callers, which was great. Ricky had gone on the other day to get registered and to poke around. Not many people had been online. Now, while logging in, he was delighted to discover that he’d gotten the last open connection. Seven other guys were in the chat room. Talk about options!

They were a friendly bunch too, greeting him with his username in variations of, “Hi there, Skylar99!”

He said hello back while trying to decipher what kind of person was behind each username. He wasn’t very active in the chat room so he could see what they chose to say. Some of the guys were only making sexual comments and trying to find someone to sleep with. Ricky mentally crossed them off the list. A couple of guys were arguing about a recent Chiefs game. One person seemed hellbent on amusing himself.

HUNGNHOT: Big nine-inch cock here. Looking for a greedy bottom. Who’s hosting?

CAMERONX: I’d love to, but my appetizers turned out all wrong, and I’m still shopping for the perfect dessert forks.