Page 107

“Because we’re in the middle of an argument! And because I have cramps and it’s been a shitty day, so please… Just go.”

“I don’t want to.” Omar felt like a pane of glass that was slowly shattering, the jagged lines spreading through his insides. “I meant what I said. I love you. Don’t you love me back? Even just a little?”

The question seemed to make Silvia uncomfortable. She struggled to meet his gaze.

“I guess that’s all the answer I need,” Omar grumbled.

He stomped toward the front of the store to collect his skateboard. When he turned around, she quickly looked away, as if pretending that she hadn’t been watching. Omar didn’t move. Not until she finally stopped faking and finally acknowledged him. “No matter what you believe,” he said, “I care about you. More than I care about myself.”

Her expression was apologetic. But not in the way that implied she regretted breaking up with him. It was more like pity. Omar shook his head, left the store, and skated away while fighting the urge to cry.

— — —

Anthony laid on his back in bed while Morrissey serenaded him. The fingers of his left hand were draped over the transparent plastic receiver of his phone. He kept expecting Omar to call and say that they needed to talk.“I didn’t tell you the complete truth earlier. Can you come over? Hurry. Please.”Silvia couldn’t mean as much to him as Anthony did. No way. Omar just needed time to figure out the obvious. They already loved each other. They were soulmates or whatever he wanted to call it as long as Omar realized the most important part: They could have it all together. The same closeness and good times as before, but with so much more. Anthony alternated between wanting to strangle Ricky and wanting to send him flowers, since he’d proven it was possible. Omar could get everything he needed from Anthony. So why didn’t he seem to want it?

“Because he’s straight, you idiot,” Anthony said to himself.He felt the truth of these words. Omar had always talked about girls, or flirted with them, or done everything he could to get their attention. He was straight and that was never going to change. Except for the damn blowjob. He’d even admitted liking it! Anthony wasn’t sure if he could get it up for a girl. Omar had. For a guy. And presumably he’d seen it through to completion.

Maybe he hadn’t figured himself out yet. Omar might not realize that he was gay. Or bi. Once he did… how could theynotend up together? Unless he wasn’t attracted to Anthony. Everyone had their type. Ricky had dark hair. So did Silvia, but so what? Anthony already dyed his hair black. And if it turned out that Omar wasn’t into white people, he’d start going to a freaking tanning booth or whatever else it took.

Anthony’s laugh turned into a groan. What a roller-coaster ride! He kept reaching dizzying peaks before plummeting into miserable depths. At times it seemed obvious that he was kidding himself, but when he reconsidered the facts… They could be together, both physically and emotionally. It was possible. Unlikely? Maybe. But still possible.

-clink!-

Anthony sat upright, his senses on high alert until he heard it again.

-clink!-

He rushed to the window and saw a shadowy figure standing in the yard. This wasn’t the first time that Omar had thrown pebbles at his window. Anthony hurried from his room and was out the front door within seconds. When he rounded the side of the house… Guilt nearly stopped him in his tracks.

Cameron was standing there and glancing up at the window, his arm cocked to throw another pebble. The hand dropped to his side when he heard the crunching of leaves and noticed Anthony approaching. Then he smiled.

Anthony struggled to do the same. It wasn’t that he hadn’t thought of Cameron during the evening. But he’d seemed so distant and small compared to the hurricane of emotions battering his heart. How could anyone hope to compete with the history that he and Omar shared?

“Nice jacket,” Cameron said.

“Oh.” The word came out sounding strangled, despite being so short. Anthony was still wearing the aviator jacket that Omarhad lent him. He hadn’t taken it off when getting home. He’d kept thinking about the brief moment that Omar’s hand had touched his before zipping up the jacket and didn’t want to undo that simple act of tenderness.

“What’s wrong?” Cameron asked, taking a step closer. “Did I come at a bad time?”

“No,” Anthony said, shaking his head. At least he didn’t have to censor himself as much with Cameron. He led them away from the house while explaining what had happened. Leaving out the part about his feelings for Omar, naturally. He didn’t want to hurt Cameron. Not unless it became absolutely necessary.

“Omar and Ricky, huh?” Cameron said after he’d finished. “Wow. Do you think he’s into guys?”

“I don’t know,” Anthony admitted.

“Before my friend Quincy moved away, I used to fantasize about him coming out to me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Cameron said with an easy nod. “I wasn’t really attracted to him, but it would have been convenient. No need to meet anyone or go on dates. We were already compatible on the most basic level; we got along great and had things in common. The rest would have been similar to—I don’t know—adding a new room to a house that already exists.”

Wanting to test his own doubts, Anthony said, “Omar probably isn’t gay. He rushed off to explain things to Silvia, and I haven’t heard from him since.”

“Maybe he went to break up with her.” Cameron nudged him. “He could be over at Ricky’s house, right now, making out with him.”

Anthony clenched his jaw. “I seriously doubt it.”

“It was supposed to be a joke,” Cameron said, stopping at the end of the block to face him. “Are you sure you’re okay? You seem tense.”