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Anthony shook his head. “It’s just been a lot. This whole year, you know? Everything is so weird and confusing, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. About anything!”

“Nobody does,” Cameron said. “Not even our parents. That’s why I like being around you. When I am, all the second-guessing and self-doubt goes away. I know what I want when we’re together.”

Anthony felt another surge of guilt. Especially when Cameron recognized his despair and moved toward him with open arms. The chilly weather had everyone inside and watching television, but to touch each other here would still be a risk. And yet, the comfort he offered was too welcome to refuse. Anthony hugged Cameron back, and for one brief moment on a suburban street corner, the world made sense again.

CHAPTER 25

October 23rd, 1992

In the last few minutes before lunch, Ricky grew tense like he always did. Lately he made every effort to avoid looking at Diego, which should have been easier now that the weather was getting cold. His brown muscles were no longer on display, wrapped instead in a black leather jacket that creaked and bulged with every movement of his massive body. The sound haunted Ricky’s fantasies and nightmares, but rarely did he allow himself to add freshly captured visuals. Only when it was almost time for the period to end. That’s when he would glance over to assess how much danger he was in. Inevitably, Diego would already be staring back, his thick lips curling into a malicious smile. Like now.

Ricky swallowed and began packing his things. He’d probably be fine. He usually was. Diego hadn’t done anything more than torment him psychologically. So far. In a way, that only made it worse. Ricky was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Would it be today? Tomorrow? Next week?

The bell rang. Ricky sprang to his feet, feeling like part of a cuckoo clock that performed the same action each hour, such as a little wooden man who appeared out of one hole so he could disappear into another. Or maybe a wooden mouse would be more apt, Diego a grinning tomcat eager to stalk his prey. Just yesterday, he had stayed on the opposite side of the hall and matched paces with Ricky, even when it meant the other students were forced to get out of his way or bounce off his bulk.

Today was much worse. Diego stayed directly behind him. Ricky glanced over his shoulder a few times before moving to the middle of the hall, but it didn’t help. When he checked again, Diego was still right behind him. He only needed to reach the cafeteria. They didn’t have the same lunch period, so Ricky would be safe there. If he made it at all. He could see the rows of tables and a gray cloudy day beyond the wall of windows, but the light was soon blocked out as Diego passed and then stepped in front of him, blocking his way.

“Tell ya what,” Diego said, holding out a five-dollar bill. “I’ll buy you lunch if you suck my dick.”

Ricky felt his face start to burn. The worst part about Diego was that he knew the truth. Maybe the furtive glances during class had given it away, or it could’ve been a lucky guess. Either way, his bullying always revolved around Ricky being gay. Which sucked, because he didn’t trust his actual friends enough to tell them yet. Not even Omar, who should have guessed by now. Instead it was his worst enemy who not only knew but tortured him with constant reminders.

“I’m not that hungry,” Ricky said, his hands shaking out of anger rather than fear. “In fact, I’d rather starve to death than touch you!”

The five-dollar bill crumpled into oblivion as the hand holding it balled into a fist. Diego slammed this against the nearest locker, the resulting BOOM! so loud that Ricky flinched before bracing to defend himself. And he would, because no matter what anyone thought, Ricky wasn’t an easy target. The hall around them had grown quiet. This made them both self-conscious.

“Then starve,” Diego growled in a low voice. “As if I fucking care!”

He lumbered forward, Ricky pressing himself against the row of lockers to avoid being trampled. Diego kept going, continuing down the hall to ruin someone else’s day, no doubt. Shaken, he cursed his stupid mouth and hurried toward the crowded cafeteria, feeling safer there. Especially when he saw Anthony heading for their usual table. Ricky picked up the pace to intercept him, wanting the comfort of companionship.

“Hey!” Ricky said, trying to keep his voice steady. “Did you watch the latest episode ofBatman? I usually don’t like what-if stories, but I thought it was good.”

Anthony considered him without much warmth. “I must have missed that one.” Then, without saying another word, he turned and kept walking.

“Nice talking to you,” Ricky murmured. For whatever reason, Anthony had been distant all week. People in this town seemed to decide they didn’t like Ricky without needing a reason. He went to wait in line, keeping an eye out for Omar, who took longer than usual to join him. “I saved your spot,” he declaredtheatrically.

“Thanks,” Omar replied, sounding muted. He’d been depressed ever since Silvia broke up with him.

Ricky had given him a big pep talk about the situation yesterday. “How’d it go?” he asked.

Omar blinked. “Huh?”

“You were going to visit Silvia after school and ask her for another chance.”

“Oh. I just went home.”

“How come?”

“She hates me, man. And maybe I hate her too. I don’t know.” Omar took a deep breath and released it in a drawn-out sigh. “Don’t ever fall in love,” he said at the very end.

“Too late,” Ricky murmured.

Not that he was heard. Omar was too lost in his own misery. They trudged through the line in silence. It was a relief when they had their food and Ricky was no longer stuck with him. He hurried to their table, where at least Dave and David were their normal selves as they argued about which game console was the best. Ricky let them run out of steam before suggesting that PC games were superior, which resulted in a lively debate. He was starting to feel happy again when someone walked up behind him.

“Hey guys! How’s it going?”

Ricky turned at the sound of that voice, his heart swelling, because it was Cameron! Had he changed his mind? Had he come to their table to ask Ricky if they could talk somewhere privately?

“Cameron, hey!” Anthony replied, standing up as if someone important like a teacher had approached. “I forgot that we have the same lunch period. You should sit with us. Hang out for a bit.”