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Beside me, Sevi is licking the frosting off a cupcake. That’s not the weird part. What’s weird is what’s on top of it as a candle. I’ll give you a moment to come up with some ideas.
.
.
.
If you guessed candle or candy, you’re close.
It’s a dick candle. Surprised?
Is it weird that I’m not?
Before you go thinking this is a huge problem, Sevi’s three. Clearly not old enough to understand what it is, but he does yank the candle off, look at it, and then glance down between his legs. I can tell there’s some curiosity there, but he shrugs it off and goes back to licking the frosting.
I stare at him. “Where did you get that from?”
His bright blues shift to mine, blonde curls falling into his face. He barks and points to Bonner’s house.
Of course.
Kelly comes around the corner, smirking. “Shouldn’t be too much longer.”
I narrow my eyes at her and place my empty coffee cup in the sink. “What’s with the smile?” I even glance down at my coffee to make sure there is nothing floating in it. Last time she smirked like that I had a My Little Pony floating in it. Thanks to Hazel.
“I walked in on Hazel standing on the counter after her bath making her butt cheeks talk in the mirror.”
I got nothing. I don’t even know how to reply to that one. Do you?
Beside me, Sevi does probably the most disgusting thing he could do and takes the dick candlestick and dips it in the frosting, then licks it off.
I rip the dick candle from his tiny sticky hands. “Stop that.”
With her arms full of bags and pillows, she stares at Sevi. “Where’d he get a cupcake from?”
I toss the dick candle at her. She stops, looks at it, then kneels to yank it off the floor. “Oh my God. Is that a—”
“Apparently,” I say, cutting her off. “He got it from our lovely neighbors. I really think we should move. They’re setting a horrible example for our children.”
Kelly’s brow furrows. “Why would they give him a cupcake with a penis on it?”
Just then, Oliver walks into the kitchen. “I think the candle is weird, but I’m really glad it’s Ashlynn’s birthday. These are delicious.”
Well, that solves that, but why did she give them to our kids with dicks on them?
We might not know the answer to this because I’m not entirely convinced we will survive the road trip back to Austin.
It starts with Kelly asking, “Did you put gas in the car?”
“No.” I stare at her, ready to back out of the driveway. “You drive it every day. I figured you would do it.”
Kelly sighs from the passenger seat. “Butyouwent to the store this morning for coffee beans. Did you see it needed gas?”
I shrug. “Nope.” I put her SUV in reverse. “Looks like the first trip is the gas station.”
Her smirk returns. “Then coffee.”
“I just got coffee beans. Didn’t you make some already?”