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“Mind my business?”
Oliver continues yelling, and when he hears my voice, he screams even louder. “Dad! Open the door. She locked me in here.”
I wait. And then he starts crying.
“He’s fine,” Hazel assures me. “He’s totally fine.” And then she slips a candy under the door. “You be quiet.”
“I’m not playing.” He hits the door. “Let me out!”
Casually, I lean into the wall, my arms crossed over my chest. “He doesn’t sound fine.”
“He is. Sevi, on the other hand”—Hazel points to the corner of the kitchen—“he’s stuck.”
I lift my eyes to where she’s pointing in the corner of the breakfast nook. And there, our little puppy is stuck in the furnace vent. Don’t worry, he’s fine. Totally fine, as Hazel would say. Just stuck up to his chest, his floppy ears from his costume, I’m sure we’re never getting off him, in his face and he’s chewing on his tail without a care in the world.
“Is everyone ready to head out?” Kelly asks, coming downstairs with Fin on her hip, her tiny hand onmytits. I swear, if Fin could flip me off, she would.
With wandering eyes, I check out my wife in her Catwoman costume. From head to toe. I’ll admit, it’s more revealing than I’d care for her to be wearing, but goddamn, it’s like a fantasy. Is it hot in here?
“I’m ready, Mama,” Hazel says, popping another piece of candy in her mouth, but refusing to move from in front of the door. “Let’s party.”
“Oh my God!” Kelly comes around the corner and notices Sevi in the corner. “Sevi, how’d you get stuck in there?”
He looks up at her, seemingly unconcerned with why he’s in there or getting out. He’s laughing. After setting Fin down, Kelly rushes over to get Sevi out of the vent, and then he crawls right back in the moment she turns her back.
Hazel and I laugh, Fin glares at everyone, actually just me, and then Kelly notices the pounding on the door. She looks from Hazel to me, then back to Hazel. “Where’s Oliver?”
Hazel shrugs, popping a jellybean in her mouth. “Haven’t seen him.”
“Mom! I’m down here!” Oliver shouts, beating his hands against the door. “Help me.”
Hazel grins as if there’s nothing wrong with this situation. “Mama, you look so pretty.”
Kelly smiles and picks up Hazel off the floor. “Thanks, honey, but please let him out of there.”
“No way,” she protests, stomping her foot, orange locks from herBravewig falling into her face. I have to admit the bright orange hair makes her look even more intimidating. Remember when I said never to trust this little one? I meant it. She will apparently lock you in the basement when she’s had enough. And then she says, “He hit me with his sword,” while showing us a welt on her leg.
Goddamn that little shit. I look from Hazel to Kelly. I’ve never spanked our kids. None of them. But now, I’m ready to beat Oliver’s ass over his behavior lately. He promised me he’d lay off her.
Stomping toward the door with my cape in the wind, I open the door to see Oliver crying. Without even looking at me, he glares at Hazel behind me. “You’re stupid!”
“Knock it off, Oliver. That’s enough.”
His angry eyes slide to mine. “She locked me in there on purpose. She knows I hate it down there.”
I glare right back at him. “Did you hit her?”
He shrugs. “She stole my sword again.”
“So what? Why can’t you just let her see it?”
“Because it’s mine,” he argues, as if he has any fight in this battle.
I take his sword from him and set it on the counter. “Yeah, well, this is my house and if you can’t share, you can sleep in the basement.”
He puffs out his chest; his brows pinched together. “That’s child abuse.”
“No, child abuse would be me hitting you with the sword like you did to your sister.”