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He uncrosses his arms and shoves them in the pockets of his shorts. “You said you needed business. A friend found this one. Needs an engine, I think.” He moves around the front of the car. “Think ya can fix it?”
I follow him to the front where I lift the hood. “Did he steal it?”
“No.” He laughs. “But I could get you those too if needed.”
“I’d like to stay legal,” I mumble, checking the car out. After some inspecting, it needs a new transmission.
None of that is as interesting as what comes next. There’s a scratching noise while we’re driving it around town. When we return to the shop, I check it out and wish I hadn’t.
In the midst of us returning, Jason shows up with a six-pack. “What are you doing here?” I ask, wondering why he showed up at noon with beer on a Tuesday.
“We’re celebrating the grand opening,” he says, cracking open a beer.
Bonner takes a beer from him, his eyes on the back of the Cadillac where the noise is coming from. “He’s been open for a month.”
“Better late than never.” Jason shrugs it off. “What’s that noise?”
I walk around the back of the car, and the noise gets louder. “Where did you get this car from?”
Bonner’s grins. “A buddy of mine. Maybe we shouldn’t open the trunk. I have a feeling something might be in there.”
Jason stands beside us and smiles. “Maybe it’s a dildo?”
I glance over at Bonner, then the trunk. “Is the dude a porn star?”
Bonner’s grin turns into a smirk. Before you go telling me a grin and a smirk are the same thing, I’m gonna go ahead and disagree with you. They’re different. “He’s a director,” he says, lifting the beer to his lips.
I don’t have time to mess around with this shit, so I pop the trunk open and wish I hadn’t. Can you guess what’s in the trunk?
No?
I’ll save you the trouble. It’s a fucking monkey. In the trunk. That’s not the worst part. Somehow—and I’m sure you can guess how given the owner of the car’s line of work—but the monkey is eating Viagra out of a bag like they’re fucking Skittles.
“Nope.” I slam the lid to the trunk. “Get this car out of here.”
The guys bust up laughing, and I realize this was a joke on me.
“You fuckin’ set me up, didn’t you?”
They’re both laughing so hard they’re crying. I’m not impressed.
“Is he really eating Viagra?”
Bonner shakes his head. “No. They’re candy. I swear.”
I take a beer from the case. “Thank fuck.”
The guys stand around talking for a few minutes before Bonner says, rather conversationally, “Ashlynn’s pregnant.”
“Is it yours?” Jason and I both ask.
He looks offended. “Of course it’s mine. Why would you think that?”
“Your wife’s a porn star,” I point out, leaning against my toolbox.
“So?”
“She fucks other men,” Jason adds.