Page 56

Steve perks up. “There’s a wine bar?”
Jason waves his hand in his face and nearly drops the plate of brownies. “Yes, but they’re fully dressed. Not your crowd.” Then he motions to his attire. “Clearly.”
I glance over at Steve and wish I hadn’t. I think he’s supposed to be Tom Cruise fromRisky Business,but his shirt isn’t long enough.
“Think she’ll eat one?”
“From you?” I ask. Bonner nods. “Not a fucking chance. Have Steve do it. I think she likes him.”
“Everyone likes me,” he notes, taking the plate from Bonner.
“I got a plan.” Bonner takes the plate back.
Jason looks over at me and pulls down his Batman mask. “This is a bad idea.”
I stare at Jason. “Has he ever had a good one?”
We all laugh when Bonner appears offended. “I have too.”
“Yeah? When?”
“If I remember correctly, you were complaining about not getting laid. I got you laid.”
I roll my eyes. “And a broken hand, an erection for an entire day, and my wife a black eye.”
“Those are all things you did, buddy, not me.”
I let Bonner walk away, but it’s Jason I stop because he’s smiling at Kelly, who’s approaching us. “Hands off Catwoman tonight.”
Jason grins. “You know, Batman and Catwoman have a secret love affair.”
“The only love affair you will be having is with my foot if I find out you touched her.”
Kelly hears my warning and pushes me away. “Oh, stop.” She smiles at Jason. “His bark is worse than his bite.”
I’m pretty sure that was a dig at Dracula, and I’m going to show her just how hard my bite can be before the night’s out.
Jason leaves, probably to go check on Bonner. That leaves Kelly and I alone standing at the end of our driveway. “Where are the kids?”
Kelly points up the street. “Ella is watching them.”
“Who’s Ella?”
“Charlee and Steve’s daughter.”
Up until now, I didn’t know they had kids. “Oh.”
Then Kelly says, “Hazel learned to twerk,” and waits for my reaction.
I take my vampire teeth and place them in my mouth. “Should I know what that is?” At least I know I said that, but have you ever talked with vampire teeth in your mouth? It’s surprisingly difficult.
Kelly smiles and shows me a video of our five-year-old shaking her ass like she’s in a rap video.
“What the fuck?” I rip the teeth out of my mouth. “Who taught her that?”
“She says she saw it on YouTube.”
“Take their iPads away. Forever.”