Page 80

Story: Kiln Me Softly

‘So I see.’ He began putting the gathered pieces on the nearest desk, ignoring her when she told him again to stop. She could despise him and his help all she wanted, but he wasn’t letting her give up on a project that could be beautiful. Not if it was the difference between her staying at RACA or going home.

She let out something akin to a growl and tried to stop him with a nudge, but he turned his back to her and salvaged the remaining pieces.

‘Aiden, stop it!’ she repeated, louder now. ‘It’s over, okay? I have less than two weeks until the contest, and Chris pretty much said I have no chance of winning. Just give up! I have!’

He glared at her. ‘No. Fuck what Chris said. If he doesn’t know what you’re capable of, that makes him a fool, not you. Not unless you believe him.’

‘Why can’t you just leave it be, for once?’ she asked desperately. ‘Why do you always have to try to help me?’

The answer was so obvious that he could hardly believe she was asking it. Then again, this was Juniper. Stubborn, defiant, independent Juniper. Juniper, who couldn’t see what was right in front of her eyes. ‘Because I’m in love with you!’

Aiden held his breath, waited for her to react. Her lids fluttered, mouth parted, but for once, she didn’t have anything to argue with.

He hadn’t meant to say it, but he didn’t want to take it back. What was the point? It was true, and hadn’t they always been honest with each other?

He used her silence to his advantage: ‘I’m sure this is terrible news for you, and I’m sure it doesn’t make you hate me any less, but I do. I love you. And I’m sorry for doing things wrong. I’m sorry for going behind your back and doing the same shit my father would have done. I’m sorry I’ve been ignorant when it comes to money and privilege. But I’m not sorry for wanting to help you, because that’s what people are supposed to do for the ones they love. And I willkeepdoing it, because you deserve a place here, and you deserve to win that contest. You deserveeverything,Juniper.’

Her silence dragged on for minutes, so long that he wasn’t sure she was ever going to reply – and he didn’t need her to, so he went back to the pottery on the desk and began trying to piece together the matching fragments.

‘You love me. You’reinlove with me,’ she said, as though trying to piece together something else entirely. Something that didn’t fit: confirmation that she was absolutely not on the same page as him.

‘Yes.’ Despite the hurt, he tried to stay focused. At least that way, he could avoid the utter humiliation that would come with her inevitable rejection.

But she didn’t reject him. Not directly, at least. She instead murmured an, ‘Okay.’ She blinked the bleariness from her eyes and then hovered over his shoulder to match up two more parts.‘That’s actually part of the handle.’

In Juniper language, he knew that meant something like ‘I will cooperate with you, despite my better judgement,’ and could only hope it meant he wasn’t a lost cause.

Or, at least, that she wasn’t.

38

Juniper had lied before. Her heart was absolutely not fine. In fact, it beat so rapidly that she wondered if she should be watching out for symptoms of cardiac arrest.

He loved her. She’d never stooped this low before, been broken this completely, but he loved her. Even as she bent, teary-eyed, over the pieces of her tea set. His warmth radiated against her side as, together, they tried to match up the pattern, like a jigsaw puzzle that would never quite be right. And he loved her. What was she supposed to do with that?

He didn’t seem to expect her to do anything, his attention narrowed completely on her pottery. She looked at the clock with heavy lids and wondered if this could wait, or if she evenwantedto pick herself up and try again this time. Aiden had made it clear that quitting wasn’t an option, but it wasn’t his decision.

‘We don’t need to do this now,’ she said finally. ‘It’s late, and things are weird, and…’ Well, that was it really. She was completely overwhelmed and incapable of doing much, but he’d probably deduced that already, considering how he’d found her. She didn’t even know how long she’d been hiding under Chris’s desk,only that workshop hours had officially closed hours ago.

‘If you want to go and get some rest, I can sort this out.’

‘Aiden.’ She rubbed her gritty eyes, pushing away from him to rest her top half over the desk. But for once, she couldn’t think of a protest. Not one she hadn’t already used, at least. Maybe she would just have to accept that she’d never really understand why he cared about her so much.

But she couldn’t just let him do this for her with the words she’d spat at him still hanging in the air between them. He deserved better than that, especially after he’d peeled her up off the floor and confessed a truth she still wasn’t prepared to face.

She put her hand over his, halting his work so he would listen. He looked up at her expectantly, sucking his gums as though bracing for the worst. She couldn’t blame him for that. ‘I’m sorry for what I said to you the other day. I was angry and hurt, and maybe a little bit embarrassed. But you’ve never done anything to hurt me, not intentionally. In fact, all you ever do is take care of me, and I don’t think I deserve it.’

Tears glimmered on his waterline, Adam’s apple working as he tried to curate a response. It was strange, how easily she could read him now. How she knew that he was probably battling between two options: a dry joke or the truth, just like her. How the tic of his jaw meant that something still bothered him. How the crease between his brows only ever seemed to smooth when he was asleep or inside of her.

‘You had every right to be angry,’ he decided. ‘I don’t blame you for any of it.’

‘But I wasn’t just angry. I was mean, and I said things that I knew would hurt you. Things I know aren’t true.’ She was too tired to stand anymore, so she grabbed the nearest chair and sat at the edge of the workbench with him. ‘When I told you that I see you, I meant it. You’re nothing like your dad, and even though you did the wrong thing, you did it because you thought it was right. I’ve spent the last few days trying to convince myself otherwise, that you really are horrible and I was right to hate you, but I can’t, because it isn’t true. You wouldn’t be here otherwise. Bloody hell, I don’t think anyone else would, either. I know I’m a lot to handle, especially when I’m this much of a mess.’

He placed his hand on top of hers, tracing the side of her thumb. That alone gave her a little more strength, a little more comfort. Maybe, tonight at least, she would just have to need him. Just have to let him be there for her. ‘You keep me on my toes, Hodge, but you’re not a lot to handle. Not at all. And I was telling the truth about Elmington. I had no idea my dad would do that. It…’ He shook his head, voice growing thick. ‘Finding that out really fucked me up. It made me realise that he’ll never see me for what I am, and I’ll never be enough.’

‘Not for him, maybe, but that’s his loss. Youareenough, Aiden. You’re more than enough. You’re kinder and more talented than he’ll ever be.’

Aiden sniffed, one last attempt to stop the tears, but they came anyway, and this time she was there to catch them. Seeing him so vulnerable left her shaken and unsure, and she wished more than anything she hadn’t played a part in his hurt.