Page 11
Story: Kiln Me Softly
Juniper softened. A near-stranger had chased her across campus just to make sure she was all right? It made her feel even sillier. Even more pathetic.
‘It’s stupid, really,’ she waved off. ‘Thanks for checking on me, though.’
‘Are you sure? It doesn’t seem stupid.’
Juniper huffed. She supposed it might feel good to get it off her chest, and Tilly had been kind to her. At least this way, she wouldn’t think the worst.
Planting her bag down, Juniper sat cross-legged, leaning against a dorm room door for support. Tilly laid out her cardigan and then did the same so they were face-to-face, knees almost touching in the narrow hallway. The residential building wasn’t so unpleasant, if she ignored the overpowering stench of carpet cleaner and burnt toast coming from a shared kitchen – whose countertops were already dusted with crumbs and sink was piled high with dishes. After daring to peek her head in this morning, Juniper had resolved to get her own appliances as soon as she could afford them. She was due to start her trial shift at Caffé Verde, a coffee shop on the corner of busy Regent Street, in a couple of hours, and hoped working part-time there would keep her afloat. If she could manage not to cock up another thing, that was.
‘C’mon.’ Tilly nudged Juniper’s calf with her burgundy ankle boots. ‘Spill the beans.’
‘His dad is a well-off art dealer, so he’s only ever known wealth and success,’ Juniper explained, flicking a piece of carpet fluff from her dungarees. ‘He was always the golden boy at school, always treated like a saint because everyone wanted to be on his good side.’ And it was already happening again. The two lads at the front of the classroom, who she’d learned were called Amir and Tom, had been quick to try to befriend Aiden after seeing his honed throwing skills. ‘All of my teen years, I watched him get handed all of the opportunities that I had to work twice as hard for, and he didn’t even bat an eye. He thinks he’s entitled to it just because of who he is and where he comes from. It just… it really rubs me the wrong way.Herubs me the wrong way.’ She bit her tongue to keep from saying the other thing, the thing that aggravated her most. It would sound just like he’d said: like she was blaming him for her own failures. It was just difficult not to feel as though people like him took things from people like her. That their privilege relied on her lack of it. Especially after being rejected from Elmington.
Tilly leaned forward, wide-eyed. ‘Wait, what’s his last name again?’
‘Whittaker.’
‘As in…’
‘Jonathan Whittaker, yes.’ Just his name filled Juniper’s mouth with acid. As much as she hated Aiden, she hated his father more. She’d only had the displeasure of seeing him in person once, but it was enough to cement everything she’d already known: that the Whittakers were a selfish,conceited family who believed money and talent were interchangeable. They wriggled their way into any space in the art world they could find, ensuring people like Juniper would never get a second glance.
‘Wowzer,’ Tilly mouthed. ‘Well, I guess it makes sense he got special treatment. Jonathan Whittaker is a pretty big deal.’
‘Believe me, I know.’ The memory of his cardboard-straight tailored suit and oily demeanour made her feel sick. ‘I’m sure I’m supposed to be the bigger person, but he made me feel so small in high school. He got all of the best opportunities from our teachers, always the main event in any showcase while the rest of us were just there to fill spaces on the wall. Between that and his arrogance, it’s hard to let go of. I wanted a spot here so badly. I would have given everything for it. It was supposed to be something new and wonderful, and instead it’s just like it used to be again. Like, no matter how hard I try, I can’t grow beyond that version of myself.’
Sympathy tugged on Tilly’s features, enough to make Juniper comfortable. She’d never been good at holding it all in, one of the reasons why people didn’t always want to be around her. She was too much, too emotional, too sensitive, too angry, too loud, too honest. Too everything.
Tilly didn’t seem to think that of her. In fact, she put her jewellery-embellished hand over Juniper’s. ‘It’s shite you had to feel that way. But I reckon it can still be new and wonderful.’
Juniper hummed, unconvinced.
‘It can!’ insisted Tilly. ‘You just have to ignore him and focus on you. Easier said than done, I know, but look at where we are!’
Juniper did, and wasn’t all that impressed. ‘Is that a piece of spaghetti on the wall?’ she asked, squinting at the thin, curly shape behind Tilly’s head.
Tilly covered Juni’s eyes quickly, more of that peach smell on her wrist. ‘Okay, well, don’t look at that. What I mean to say is that we’re going to live our best fecking lives here, and we’re going to start this weekend.’
‘What’s this weekend?’
‘A party. That lad who looks like Timotheé Chevrolet with a man bun invited me. I forget his name, but it’s at his house off campus. One of the fancy streets, so we can steal all his liquor without feeling bad about it.’
‘TimotheéChalamet,’ Juniper corrected on a laugh. ‘I suppose that’s why Christopher was calling him Timmy.’
‘Aye. That’s the one. So, what d’you say?’
She fidgeted, deliberating. Tom, who did look like Timotheé Chalamet, radiated the same air of snobbery as Aiden, having tried to steal Christopher’s attention through the whole workshop. Besides, she wasn’t really a party girl. They were too loud and warm and social. It didn’t take much time for her social battery to drain, and even less for her to get overstimulated by too many sensory experiences at once. ‘I don’t know. Parties aren’t my favourite thing.’
‘Mine, either, but what better way to forget about a man than to get blind drunk and snog someone’s face off?’ Tilly winked. ‘Besides, I need a wingwoman. How good is your gaydar?’
‘Terrible when I try to approach women. Excellent when it’s on behalf of someone else.’ She’d been convinced that the last girl she’d dated, a colleague, was looking for friendship until she’d initiated foreplay in the middle of aBarbiescreening. Then again, that was probably less about her gaydar and more about her ability to believe that someone might be interested in her.
‘Good. There are a few people in our class I’m trying to fathom.’ Tilly stood, then offered out her hand to help up Juniper. ‘Luc is cute.’
Juniper wrinkled her nose. ‘Yeah, but they’re hanging around with Aiden.’ In fact, most of the class had ended up flocking towards him by the end of the workshop to praise his talents and make idle conversation, following Tom and Amir’s leads. They’d probably worked out who he was after seeing his name on the register and hoped it might help them get a few connections in the industry. If Aiden had anything, it was connections.
‘True.’ They fell into step as they continued down the corridor towards their neighbouring doors. ‘What about Nomi?’
‘So beautiful it hurts,’ Juniper answered immediately.
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