Page 44
Story: Kiln Me Softly
Had she and Aiden? She’d thought so when they’d put the finishing touches on their work last night, smoothing the clay until Aiden had forced her away, but now, it was easy to doubt herself.
A takeaway cup of coffee was thrust in her face before she could quadruple-check that there were no cracks in their work, and while the roasted beans smelled even more delicious than the ones at Caffé Verde, she shoved it away. ‘No thanks. I already need a nervous wee, and I can’t guarantee I won’t spew all over that ugly shirt you’re wearing.’
Aiden looked down at the loud, clashing abstract prints of his shirt, mouth agape.
All right, it wasn’t that ugly, but only because he was in it. She wouldn’t say that, though. They may have been sleeping together for several weeks now, but she was still trying to keep this strictly non-romantic. At least when they weren’t having sex.
‘I was going for an artsy vibe!’ He set the spare coffee down on the edge of a display platform and then sipped his own. She snatched the cup before it spilled all over their work.
‘Because otherwise, how could anybody possible know that you’re an artist?’ she quipped.
‘You and your monochromes are just jealous.’ He sniffed, then took a step back to admire their hidden display. ‘Why are you nervous, anyway? We’ve got this in the bag.’
She could only stare at him for a moment before pondering aloud, ‘What must it be like to have enough talent and admirers to not doubt yourself constantly?’
‘Quite nice, actually.’ When she glowered, he smirked and pulled her closer, his warmth curling around her side. She was getting far too used to it, no longer questioning his show of affection in front of other people. ‘C’mon, Juni. You’re the most talented artist I know. It isn’t about me being confident in myself. It’s confidence inus. I’ve never been so proud of a piece as I am of ours. It’s better than anything I could have done alone.’
She wasn’t sure she could believe him, not when so much of her first-year grade relied on doing well today, but her stomach fluttered all the same.She was glad, in the end, that she’d been paired with him. If she was with someone else, someone she didn’t gel with or understand, she probablywouldhave thrown up by now. Or dropped out altogether. Tilly had had heaps of trouble trying to get Owen to listen to her ideas, and she’d heard a few of the others squabbling in a way that would put her and Aiden to shame.
‘I’m going to stumble over my words in the presentation,’ she warned. ‘And then I’m going to swear. And then I’m going to cry.’
Aiden twirled her around, smoothing the frown from her forehead with the delicate pad of his thumb. It was smudged with colour: though he never showed her what he was working on, she’d seen him painting in his sketchbook a lot recently. Sometimes, he even stayed at Caffé Verde during her shift, watching the world pass outside the window from the corner booth. She wouldn’t admit it, but his presence had helped. Her mistakes were happening less, though still often enough that Gianna scolded her at least once or twice a week, if not a day.
It was hard, sometimes, to see him experiencing the university life she’d hoped for. Getting spare time to create just for him, having room to breathe, his own home to return to every night. She still hadn’t dared go there, afraid that seeing his lavish terraced flat would bring the resentment, which was burrowing down inside her, back to the surface.
‘Juniper,’ he said softly. He only ever used her full name when he really wanted her to listen, not that it ever worked. ‘I’ve got your back, okay? If you stumble, I’ll catch you.’
Something caught in her chest, a rusty latch on a door she thought she’d locked. She couldn’t remember anybody ever saying that to her, ever telling her that they were here for her if she messed up – which she would. She always did.
It made her feel more vulnerable than taking her clothes off in front of him. She wasn’t supposed to need help. She was independent, prepared to fight the doubts and the mistakes herself, because that made her strong. People could fault her less if they thought she was strong. The last thing she needed was to get too accustomed to having him near. Come tonight, their partnership would be over, and she had to be prepared for going it alone next term.
‘You’re right,’ she said, trying to sound a little more confident than she felt, if only to let him know that she didn’t need him to catch her. She could catch herself, thank you very much. Probably. ‘It’ll be fine. It’s always fine.’
‘Are your parents coming to see?’
‘Nope.’ She fidgeted with her necklace – a bright blue and gold crescent moon she’d made. She’d been preparing for that question, though not from him. Since the night in the museum, she’d learned to avoid any talk of parents, a fact that suited her just fine, since hers were still waiting for her to either drop out or get thrown out. Most of her other classmates had someone coming, whether it was family or friends. Tilly’s sister had flown in from Dublin to see it before they both went back to Ireland for Christmas.
Juniper hadn’t bothered to ask Mum, knowing she wouldn’t be able to take the time off work even if she wanted to. Besides, if she was going to fail, she didn’t need witnesses.
‘How come? They must be proud of you. It’s not every day your daughter has a hand in creating an exhibit, is it?’
She shrugged. ‘I’ll send them pictures. What aboutyou? Shall I expect to be pestered by more than one Whittaker today?’
Aiden dipped his head behind his coffee, not quite masking his grimace well enough. ‘No, you’re safe today. I wouldn’t be cruel enough to subject you to dear old Dad.’
‘But he must be proud of you.’ She mimicked his words, finding herself curious about what had happened between them. From what she’d seen, Jonathan had given Aiden everything. Money, talent, knowledge, status. She’d witnessed his slimy need for those things firsthand, had seen what he was capable of to ensure Aiden got everything he wanted. The memory still made her nauseous, and she’d spent plenty of time looking for signs of that cunning in Aiden, afraid he might take something far worse from her this time – to no avail. Maybe he truly had no idea what had happened that day at Elmington. How he’d got his place on the course. If that were so, she wouldn’t be the one to tell him.
He scoffed. ‘Yeah, no. Dad doesn’t do proud.’
‘Guess we do have something in common,’ muttered Juniper.
She’d never been more grateful for Chris’s entrance than now, his claps echoing through the gallery as he called for attention. Behind him, a crowd of frostbitten, winter hat-clad visitors was gathering outside the windows.
She jigged around, stomach cramping with nerves as Chris talked them through the morning. Her heart beat fast in her ears as she thought about just how much this display meant to her.It was her first real chance to prove that she deserved to be here just like everybody else. That her rocky start didn’t define her. That she was capable of the same things everyone else was and her mum had been wrong to suggest otherwise.
‘Breathe, Hodge.’ Aiden’s hand slipped into hers. ‘You’re okay.’
‘Well, look at that. You’ve cured me,’ she snapped. Still, she inhaled deeply and found it slowed the torrent of fears pelting her mind.
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