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He looks thoughtful, almost distant. There is something he isn’t telling me. “Do you think he was jealous of Emil?” I push.

“No, I don’t think he is,” Mateo mutters.

“What is it… tell me, please.”

“Make him tell you about his past,” Mateo says.

“I know about his past.”

“I know you do, but maybe not of that part, and what it did to him and his confidence.”

I nod tentatively. He is right, I need to get to the bottom of this to understand his triggers and to know how to avoid them. “Do you know where he could hide?”

“I tried the usual places,” Mateo says. “But he isn’t there.”

“The usual places?”

“He has a set of places that feel emotionally safe to him,” Mateo explains.

Well, that’s not the worst situation then, and dims my internal image of him lying in a dark alley, hurt and assaulted, a little. However, Mateo just said he was nowhere to be found, making my heart sink once more. “Was he at none of these places?”

“I didn’t say that,” Mateo hurries to reassure me. “I was just able to check the places I know. Sterlone knows more. I will call him immediately.”

“No, let me do that,” I say. “He has me on emergency dial, so I can reach him when he is working. Besides, I want to hear from him directly where to look.”

“I think that’s for the best.” Mateo takes Lynn’s hand, and they move away a little to give me some privacy.

I don’t waste any time and immediately call Sterling. True to his promise to pick up whenever I call him, he does answer the phone. “It’s something with the next exhibit, isn’t it?” he asks before even greeting me. “I had a feeling it would be. They probably don’t want to show my work.”

His words surprise me, but as his mentor and supporter, they also fill me with relief. Heisnervous, and showing nerves before an exhibition is a sign that it is important to him. I made a good choice with him. “Everything is alright with the exhibition,” I reassure him. “I am calling because of something else.”

Sterling is quiet for a moment, and then. “What did he do? What happened?”

“How did you know?”

“The only time you call me when it’s not for work is about Noel,” he says.

“Perceptive as usual.” I don’t waste any time and summarize what happened, including the incident last night.

“My God,” Sterling sighs. “I am sorry, Aden. I… Noel is such a good guy, I know you know that. But I also know how difficult it is to grasp him in moments of his anxiety, and this comes from his best friend. I don’t even know what I'd do if he were my boyfriend. How are you holding up?”

With all our worry concerning Noel, no one–not even I–has asked this question. “I am scared,” I admit.

“And?”

“I might be a tad angry,” I admit.

“That’s good, and healthy,” Sterling reassures me. “Noel needs to be able to handle you being mad at him if he fucks up. Don’t be afraid of showing him how you feel.”

“I will.” I used to hold back all the time when I was with Emil, and it ate me up. Not all of this is Emil’s fault. I could have had more of a backbone, too, especially regarding myself and my own feelings. “But I know he runs when he is in panic. We’ll need to work around that somehow. Do you have an idea where he could be?”

“Mateo said he checked all the usual spots?”

“Yes.”

“There is one more,” Sterling muses. “He hardly goes there because it’s not the closest, but depending on what he needed when he left, he might have gone there.”

“Depending on what he needed?”