Page 91

I try to dial his number once more, but it goes straight to voicemail. Like the last time when he ran from me. I remember he had an altercation with his mother back then, too, and panicked. Maybe it’s similar today? Was it the aftermath of having a major fallout with his mother?

Or maybe it was what made him vulnerable and more prone to panicking?

“Here is Mateo,” Lynn exclaims.

“Good,” I say. “He knows Noel well. I am sure he can help.”

twenty-nine

*ADEN*

Mateo has a deep frown on his face when Lynn wraps up the whole story once more. Meanwhile, I try to remain calm and composed, while my thoughts are derailing again. Noel is smart, he is efficient, he is a survivor. I know him well enough by now to understand that he doesn’t just run to be away from me, but that his anxiety pushes him into a fight-or-flight response, and his usual response is to flee. If he’d fight with me instead, I could catch him much better in the moment.

“You are pale, Aden,” Lynn says all of a sudden. Contrary to me, she has calmed down now and is her usual practical self, while I am slowly losing my grip on everything. She takes my hands now. “I know where your thoughts are going.”

“He could be dead,” I press out.

“He is not dead,” she emphasizes.

“You don’t know that.” My heart hammers against my chest, making my mind spin even more. “He could have run into a car, or someone could have assaulted him or…“ My mind goes to the several times I picked up Emil somewhere, from a shelter, from the street, from one of his drug addict friends, from the police. It was never good when he disappeared. “What if he is somewhere hurt and alone, and no one is there to help him? Fuck, I can’t even reach him.”

“Noel isn’t Emil,” she says. “He is a stable young man; he just has some mental health issues like you do. But he is the type of guy to work for his future, to work on his problems, and to tackle them. That’s what actually made you fall for him, isn’t it?”

Her words are surprisingly sobering. “You are right,” I mutter. “I was intrigued by Noel because he is my type, but fell for him because of the person he is.”

“See? This time, my big mouth just triggered something in him, and he needed to get out.” She glances at Mateo. “Did I get that correct?”

“Yeah,” he says. “But your mouth isn’t big, it’s very pretty. Besides, it’s not for me to say, but I don’t think you said too much. Noel can usually handle something like that. And if not, he has to learn how to do it in a constructive way.”

I am a little surprised by his words. Mateo and Sterling are Noel’s closest friends. They know him in ways I have never gotten to know him. But it’s also very relieving to know that despite them having his back, they don’t enable him.

It’s healthy for all of them.

It’s like Lynn has always been with me. Even during the phases of my darkest depression, she was there to get me out of the dark hole I was in, with all the understanding and all the gentleness she had, but she also dragged me to a therapist and called me out when I fucked up.

“Did his mom contact him again?” Mateo asks all of a sudden.

My eyes snap up. “I can’t believe I haven’t told you yet,” I say.

“Oh shit, something did happen?”

“She basically stalked him and followed him to my place. Then she assaulted him. I heard the commotion and went outside to make her leave.”

“You actually managed to do that?” Mateo asks.

“Yes, I threatened her with my lawyer and the police,” I say. “She looked terrified enough to back off.”

“Aden can be scary if he wants to,” Lynn explains to her boyfriend. “You wouldn’t believe it.”

“I am glad you did,” Mateo says. “And even gladder Noel saw you defend him and successfully make her fuck off. Seriously, Sterlone tried and got assaulted by her. I tried once, too, and she broke a bottle over my head.”

“What?” Lynn exclaims. “She did what? Wait, till I get my hands on that vile—”

“It was ages ago,” Mateo reassures her, but he looks happy when he looks at Lynn. Despite my own dire situation, I can only smile. I get it. Having the person you love defend you and have your back means more than anything else could. Noel had my back against my family. He always has my back.

It’s these final thoughts that sober me up completely. “I need to find him,” I say. “I love Noel, I really do, and I won’t leave him hanging in such a moment of weakness. I won’t leave because he fucks up once. But we do need to move past this issue of him running when he is anxious, to be able to proceed with a healthy relationship.”

Mateo nods. “I get that, Aden.”