Page 13
Story: Hold Me
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I would feel out of place.”
She looks at me thoughtfully. “I don’t know, Aden. It looks to me like they’d want to hang out with you.”
I shrug. “But why? We weren’t close as kids. It makes no sense.”
“Why wouldn’t it? They grew up, too, and now probably want to be close to their little brother.” She pauses. “You know Oliver and I dated in college.”
“I know.” Lynn was always nice to me. Pity that Oliver and she didn’t work out. I was over the moon when we coincidentally met years later and began working together.
“He never said anything bad about you,” she says. “In fact, he was always overthinking what to gift you for your birthdays.”
“Yes, Oliver isn’t too bad,” I admit. At least he didn’t bully me, but it’s not like he cared a lot either.
“Maybe you are overthinking it.”
“Maybe, maybe not,” I say. “But for now, I want to keep the status quo.”
Family just tires me out. Not so much Mom, but everyone else does. University was the first time in my life when I felt truly like I belonged and could flourish. I just don’t like returning home, even for a brief visit.
I pack my things up and squeeze Lynn’s shoulder. “Make sure to get some sleep.”
“I will. Has Mateo told you yet, how many guests they will be coming with?”
“Yes, they will bring a friend and one sibling. I believe Sterling’s sister will be attending.”
“Great!” She nods contentedly. “I will bring a date too. Is that okay?”
“Of course! The guy from the fitness studio?”
“No, the one I met for my marathon training,” she says. “He is in IT.”
“Good. I am happy for you!”
She grins. “Now we just need to find someone for you. You have been single for too long.” Before I can open my mouth, she continues. “Occasional hookups don’t count. What’s with the guy you met in the park?”
“There were no sparks,” I admit. “I just want there to be an attraction, too.”
“Yeah, I get it.” She moves her fingertip over her lips in a thoughtful gesture. “Maybe it’s the type of guys you are looking for.”
“What’s wrong with them?” I ask.
“You tell me! What do they all have in common?”
“Well, they are well-dressed, they are quiet and serious,” I say.
“Yeah, like you,” she says bluntly. “You never take any risk, Aden. You just go for the easiest solution. You know more than anyone else how to get one of these men, because they are like you. You talk about sparks and feelings, but you are very rational about how you pick them. Now, rationality can be good if that’s your thing, but it clearly isn’t.”
“Are you saying I am self-sabotaging?”
“I am saying you go for guys who you know won’t interest you on a deeper level. Because then it means you won’t need to engage with them, you won’t need to get to know them, you won’t need to open up, you will have it easy and boring, and it will be zero effort to dump them.”
“That was blunt,” I mutter.
“Sorry?” she offers, clearly not meaning it. “Just think about it.”
Am I really doing that? Flirting with a guy I am only remotely interested in and not allowing myself to date someone I actually find intriguing? For years now, I’ve only had loose affairs. My last actual relationship was years ago, and it was a disaster.
So, maybe she is right.
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