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I let her words sink in, looking at her thoughtfully. “Is this how others perceive me?”

“Yes,” she says. “It’s not necessarily bad. For the gallery, it’s pretty much a huge selling point how you are, but for a relationship, it can be scary.”

“But you can read me well,” I point out.

“Yeah,” she says. “I also know you very well. I saw you through the eyes of Oliver’s girlfriend first before becoming your friend. We go back years.” She pauses. “You really like this guy, don’t you?”

“Would I be as concerned as I am if I didn’t?” I ask.

“You are doing it again.” Lynn tilts her head. “You need to say it,” she tells me. “Don’t rebuff this question, don’t deflect. I knowwhy…” Her voice trails off. “If you can’t even tell me, how will you ever tell him? And he needs to hear it sooner than later.”

There is a lot Lynn is saying, but also a lot she isn’t saying. She knows why I am so reluctant. Emil has messed me up. He broke my trust, my hope in a future together with him or anyone, and my heart. I try to push the image of him aside and replace it with Noel. There are similarities, but they are mostly on the surface.

Noel is different in the areas that are important to me.

I don’t like mind games. Emil used to play them all the time, maybe not on purpose, but the outcome was the same. As for Noel, I don’t think he is playing games.

When Lynn twirls around in her chair, she finally pulls me back into reality, into today. “I like him,” I finally say. “But I can’t tell if this relationship is going to be healthy for me or not.”

“He runs when he is upset,” Lynn concludes.

“And I don’t like the chase,” I admit. “Not anymore. You know that.”

“Then tell him,” she says. “Jeez, Aden, I get you. I don’t like these games either. But you need to communicate with the guy. He doesn’t know a thing about you. All he can do is guess, and believe me when I tell you, he for sure isn’t a mind reader.”

“Alright,” I mutter. “It’s not like I can get him out of my head anyway.”

She smacks me with the folder she is holding. “That’s the right spirit.”

*NOEL*

I am such a lost case, completely and utterly lost. Aden took me to that exhibition. He was sweet and appreciative of me, and he was attentive. He took me home and didn’t do anything against my consent.

He wanted me to stay the night.

He wanted me…

I groan. “Damn it!”

“When you have stopped hating yourself, hand me the new colors I bought,” Ster says.

I do as he asks, careful not to get my clothes dirty. I have put on Aden’s sweater today, after I spent the whole previous day panicking about what to do and how to answer Aden’s messages. I was so petrified that I ended up not answering at all.

The sweater smells like him. It’s comforting and terrifying at the same time.

I might have just fucked this relationship up before it even started.

“I fucked up, didn’t I?” I say into the silence.

“You did,” Ster says simply. “But it’s nothing you can’t solve.”

“What am I supposed to do or say to him?”

“I don’t know, but think of something fast, because he’ll be here in a minute.”

I stare at him. “What!” I squeak.

“He called Mateo an hour ago and asked him where you are.” Ster looks at me, amused. “He has you figured out, Noel. He knows you will chicken out and not answer if he calls you directly.”