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He...
Suddenly, that temporary sealant he had managed to get over the crack inside of him began to burst.
He loved her.
The realization was harsh. Swift. And that was the gong.
Not her love for him resonating inside of her, but his own. But he was afraid to speak, afraid to acknowledge. Afraid to know.
He loved her.
He loved her, and he wanted her. He wanted her to love him. But if he failed her and she left then he...he would be reduced to nothing yet again.
And it would be worse, so much worse than anything else he had ever endured.
Why did people want this? Why did they write endless songs about it? Why did they...luxuriate in the glory of this feeling that felt like dying?
He loved her.
He loved her, and he wanted her to stay with him forever, she wanted to have this baby, and more besides.
He wanted a life where he could love more than one thing.
He wanted everything.
He wanted to be there for his child, no matter who that child was. No matter how they thought and felt. He wanted to change himself in his own perceptions to meet them where they were.
And he wanted to do the same for Polly. What he had been trying to do was control everything. Yes, he had done a great many things to try and give her what she wanted, but only within the bonds of control. When that control began to slip, when she was more consuming than the day-to-day work, or the rules that he had set out for himself, he had run.
He had run. Because what he felt for her was bigger than anything else that had ever existed inside of him.
And he had to go to her. He had no choice.
He had to.
Because what was the alternative?
He knew this life. It had sustained him for a very long time.
But something she had said had hooked into him. Into the truth of it all.
She wouldn’t accept half because she wanted him to have everything.
And he wanted to know.
He wanted to know what that was like. And he wanted her.
There was no pain on this earth that was so strong it was worth hiding away from her.
All he had to do was surrender.
And there was nothing on earth more difficult than that.
But Polly was worth it.
Polly was waiting for room service. So when there was a knock on her hotel room door she got out of bed and opened it without checking.
And froze. It was Luca.