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“Fair,” he said. “But I will require that it is taken into account. I’m not opposed to treats but we must consult the World Pediatrics Journal regarding diet as a baseline.”
“Most parents won’t be doing that.”
“I am not most parents.”
She couldn’t argue that point. She didn’t even want to because then he set a mug of herbal tea next to her and it made her feel like she was glowing inside. It made her feel cared for.
No one had ever cared for her before. She had done a lot of caring for other people. And maybe it was a really small thing. Breakfast and a cup of tea. A couple of days of missed work. And yet, for him it wasn’t. She knew that.
“If it’s that important to you,” she said. “It’s very important to me that whatever is going on between the two of us, we never let it spill over onto our baby. Our child. Luca, there are going to be times when you frustrate me. But I never want our child to be aware of that. I never want for your mood or my mood to become their problem.”
He nodded slowly. “Agreed.”
“And it’s important that our child comes first. That is going to mean that sometimes you have to make sacrifices with work. But I don’t want a father for my baby that’s going to be half there and half gone.”
“You were more than willing to have me be all gone.”
“Sometimes I think that’s easier.”
He looked away. “No,” he said. “It isn’t. Because when my mother was all gone, then there was nothing soft left. There was no one left who looked at me and everything I was and smiled. I lost every ounce of support I had once had. I would have rather had her one day a month. One day a year. I’m glad I had her for the time that I did. Had I not had her at all, what would I be?”
She hated thinking of him like that. Alone. Vulnerable. She did feel protective of him, in spite of everything. She felt...
You care about him.
She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat.
“Right,” she said, her throat scratchy. “But your mother didn’t choose to leave you. You remember your mother so fondly because of all the good things that she did for you. Because of the good she saw in you. And I assume because you were the most important thing in her life. You and I do important things. Having a baby doesn’t erase that, or negate it. Neither of us should give up what we love. But if we were to make a list of the things that we loved...”
“The child should be the first thing.”
“Yes. And at the very least they should feel that they are.”
“Are you suggesting again that I’m going to have difficulty loving a child?”
She snorted. “I’m leaving space for both of us to have to spend time adjusting to this. We both love work.”
“You love work?” he asked.
“I spent five years giving you and this company the entirety of myself. Why would you think I didn’t love work?”
“You did quit.”
“Because I didn’t love being nothing more than an assistant.”
“You say that as if you were inconsequential, and indeed I believe that you think you were to me. You weren’t. You are...insulted that I came after you to offer you your job back, as if it was a small thing.” He shook his head. “I chased you down. I put my pride away. I cared absolutely nothing for it, because I needed to have you back. It was essential. Important. I cannot think that you do not know that.”
She hadn’t. Well, she hadn’t thought of it that way. But of course, there was actually no real separation between Luca the man and his job. What she had taken as a weak showing in the face of their passion had likely been altogether powerful for him. He had gone to her because he was admitting that he couldn’t handle life without her.
“Well. I do care. And I’m sorry that I didn’t see the gesture for what it was. I can now. So let me try and explain to you... I left because I could have actually stayed your assistant forever. But it wasn’t what I set out to do. It wasn’t the schooling that I got, it wasn’t... That job was my everything, and so were you. I needed it to change. But now things have changed again. We have to be willing to change with them.”
“Even if it means eating omelets?”
She turned her fork sideways and cut a bite off with a fearsome motion. “This isn’t a permanent change. I’m simply indulging you for the day.”
“I consider myself extremely fortunate.”
He was teasing her again. So unlike him, and yet, more frequent now than it had been before.