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Now that she actually would be leaving him.
The very idea of trying to love Luca made her want to die. A woman could dash herself upon those rocks over and over again, and she would never find any satisfaction.
She had seen women leave his home.
Looking high on the experience of having been with him. He never called them again.
She knew because eventually she had to block or reroute their calls. Luca wasn’t a playboy, but he wasn’t celibate either.
He had told her once, very bluntly, that for him sexual release was a necessary function. But that he felt nothing emotional about it. Any more than he would eating a meal.
That lived inside of her.
And the same likely couldn’t be said for her. It was very possible that if she slept with him she would experience emotional ramifications. And he wouldn’t.
But she was strong. She could withstand it.
And tonight, she was finally going to get something that she wanted out of this relationship. Maybe for a few minutes, he would even see her as a human being, and not simply a more complex than average paperweight.
What would happen if she was honest with him? If she told him this thing was destroying her from the inside? That it was growing so unbearable it was part of why she was finally leaving, this sensation that she cared for him while she was nothing at all but furniture to him? That it felt too big to be contained anymore?
That she didn’t understand it. Because how could she when she’d never even touched another man?
She wasn’t going to admit that.
“Luca,” she said slowly. “I’m not afraid of you. I’m afraid of how powerful this feeling is between us. I want you.”
The sound he made was like a growl. It made her feel electrified. “I want you,” he whispered, so close to her now that she was dizzy with the scent of him. “Naked.”
“Yes,” she said.
“What is the protocol? Do we have to stay? Will we be seen as rude?”
He was genuinely asking. This was part of her job. Guiding him when the social situation didn’t make sense to him. Though he didn’t often ask so bluntly.
The truth was they would be seen as two people sneaking off to have sex. Which was exactly what they were.
“Everyone will know,” she said. “They won’t find it rude. Though we might end up being the subject of gossip.”
“I don’t care about that,” he said.
“Neither do I.”
She was leaving. She wouldn’t be part of this world anymore. She didn’t care.
They had never even kissed. But she didn’t need to test her need for him that way. She already knew.
He took her hand, and she was stunned by how rough it was. How strong. Hot. “Then if they already know, there is no reason to be subtle about it.”
He sounded relieved by that. He would be. He wasn’t subtle. Thank God. Because another man might not have answered her so honestly regarding their shared desire. There were no games here, and for a woman without experience, that was ideal.
He pulled her away from the dance floor, straight through the ballroom. Her heart was racing, her whole body on high alert.
She wasn’t going to regret this.
This felt like her compensation. Her severance. Her parting gift.
To finally have something from him.