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He looked at her. And there was something like wonder in his eyes. “Why do you love me?” The hunger there was something she couldn’t deny, even as she felt a small wave of sadness wash over her. She wasn’t going to demand that he suddenly feel the way that she did. She wasn’t going to demand that he suddenly feel differently than he did.
But she wanted him to. Still, loving him had to mean loving all of him. And he was not going to turn on a dime. Not when there was clearly a block inside of him where the idea of love was concerned. Not with her child, it didn’t seem, because he was able to see clearly the ways in which his father failed him, and he wanted to combat that.
But in every other way, it seemed to be very difficult.
“You are somebody who took great tragedy and turned it into purpose. Anyone would admire that.” She cleared her throat. “But it’s more than that. You are every inch yourself, and that makes me want to be the same. When I’ve spent my whole life hiding. Being with you has changed me. It’s allowing me to get down to the truth of myself in a way that nothing else ever has. I don’t feel afraid to be myself because you’re yourself. I love your passion. Both from my body, and for medicine. For figuring out how to be the best father you can be. The way that you see yourself is so...unkind sometimes, Luca. And that makes me sad. But I’m also in awe of what it has allowed you to do. I can appreciate that, even while wishing you could be a little bit kinder to yourself. I love how you listened when I said you had to give care in a way that people could receive it. Even though I made you mad. Mostly, I love that I could trust you with all of this. I know that you won’t take it and realize that you could crush me with it. Because that’s not who you are. You’re a brilliant man, and you could’ve taken all that brilliance and used it to exploit those weaker than yourself. You could’ve made money at the expense of other people, and instead you dedicated yourself to try and save others. That’s incredible. It is something that most men with that capacity simply don’t choose to do.”
“Those don’t seem like extraordinary things to me. They simply seem like the right thing to do.”
“And it is your clarity on that which I also love.”
She looked him in the eyes. “Don’t devalue the things that you do simply because they seem clear to you. They don’t seem clear to the rest of the world. And if they did, it would be a much better place. You are part of making it better. I love you for that also.”
“I’m sorry. But this is much like opening a present, and not knowing quite how to react.”
“You don’t have to. You don’t. Just be you. And that’s enough. I promise you.”
They were silent for a long time after that, and she felt her heart rate return to normal. Some of the adrenaline of the previous moment wearing off.
But it didn’t feel finished.
It didn’t feel over.
She was in love with him. And she wanted more. But she knew she had to let him get there in his own time.
And as she lay beside him with her hand on his chest, over his heart, she did her best to believe that it was all possible.
But Polly had never seen a future that contained love like this.
So she had a difficult time planning for it. A difficult time seeing how she might triumph.
But she had to trust. Because she had put her faith in this love rising up inside of her, and she needed to believe in it.
She needed to believe in them.
And as she listened to his breathing slow and his heart rate return to normal she held fast to that.
She had to believe in him.
She had to.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
LUCA’S LIFE WAS entirely different than it had been three months ago, and he was...happy about it in many ways.
Polly had begun work at the company, dealing in marketing, and she seemed to thrive in that role. He liked watching her achieve things, accomplish her aims.
He liked her.
He loved having her living with him. He loved having her in his bed.
He enjoyed watching the changes that the pregnancy was making on her body.
This commonplace thing made miraculous because it was theirs.
Because she was his.
But she told him that she loved him nearly every day, and it was creating a dissonance inside him he was having difficulty ignoring.