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twenty-one
PHOENIX
“Hey, Phoenix! Got you a bacon cheeseburger,”Liz says as she strolls in with a paper bag in her hand. I could smell the bacon and fries the moment she opened the door. The door slams shut behind her as she brings me over the white paper bag already covered in grease. “Just so you know, I think I gained like five pounds just ordering that.”
“Shut up.” I laugh as I reach into the bag and pull out a couple of the fresh French fries, shoving them into my mouth.
“How do you eat like that and still fit into your uniform?” She looks at me with feigned disgust. “It’s not fair.”
I pat my belly. “Good metabolism.”
Liz sighs. “You make me sick, woman.” She chuckles as she plops down on the couch and eats her salad with minimal salad dressing. No, seriously, it’s like a drip of dressing and that’s it. “Look, I’m sorry about being pissed off that you left the party. I know you didn’t really want to go there, and I made you. I shouldn’t have gotten mad. So can you forgive me?”
I unfold the wrapper around my burger and turn to her. “It’s okay. I should’ve said something.”
As usual, I’m not one to make conversation, so we sit there in silence until she breaks it. “Any big projects coming up?”
“A couple papers. Oh, and I have to do some performance by the end of the semester for my music class, but that’s about it.” I take a giant bite out of my burger, moaning as the juices drip down my chin. I focus back on my reading for my history class as I wipe my mouth with my hand.
“It’s like I’m watching a porn between you and that burger.” She scrunches her face while I chew.
I swallow down the last bite and smile. “You know it turns you on.” I run my tongue along my lips and moan more.
“Gross.” She throws a wadded-up napkin at me.
“Hey, this weekend, I was going to go into town and get a pedi. You want to join me?” She flips her hair back.
I cock my head to the side. “Um, do I look like a person that usually pampers themselves?”
“That’s why you should go. You don’t know the heaven you are missing. The warm water, the hot towels, the massages! It’s heaven!” She leans back on the couch and closes her eyes like she’s having an out-of-body experience.
“Do you want a moment alone?” I chuckle.
She opens her eyes and lunges across the couch to shove my shoulder.
“Okay, I’ll go,” I say hesitantly, but I give her a smile. My mom had always talked about her and I having a girls’ day where we went for pedicures and manicures. Spending the day shopping, eating like pigs, and then coming home to binge out on candy and watching movies. We never got that chance.
“Yay! This will be so much fun! I can’t wait!” Liz grabs her bag, takes out her iPad, and excitedly types away on it. “Okay, Saturday at two!”
We sit there for a little longer and study while finishing off our dinner. When it gets a little late, I head to my room to do some writing in my journal. I’ve been particularly on edge since yesterday when the phoenix-shaped note appeared in my bag. I didn’t even go to classes today; I just wanted to separate from the world.
Many of my thoughts have had me wondering if I should just pull out of school and try to enroll myself in my old high school. The problem is where would I live? I don’t want to impose on my old friends. They did me a favor when my mom died, and I couldn’t do that to them again. Plus, I have no money. Well, minus the money my aunt gave to me, which I refuse to touch. I just can’t ask them to do that for me.
No, I need to stay here. Find some scholarships to the local college and just grow my way to adulthood, alone. All the fuck alone. Though, Liz has been a pretty good friend to me since I got here. Strange as it has been. I know she was thrown in here with me having to be her roomie and all, but no one else has really taken the time to get to know me. No one really wants to get to know me. They would rather call me names and try to make my life hell.
They don’t realize I’m already living in hell.
I lay my head back with my headphones on, closing my eyes to try and remember the family I used to have. My thoughts drift back to the first time I was about to get on stage for a talent show, the fear that seeped into me. I was twelve, and the uncertainty getting up on that stage and singing for the first time in front of people other than my parents made me terrified.
“I can’t do this, Mom. What if I mess up? What if I don’t actually sound good?” I shake my head and try to fight back the tears that I know will ruin my makeup. My mom spent time making me look nice for tonight’s talent show. I don’t want to ruin it with crying. But that ball of emotion is stuck in my throat, threatening its way out.
“Sweetie, look at me.” Her hand comes up to my chin, turning my head towards hers. “Get up there and be your best you. It doesn’t matter if you mess up or they don’t like you. You are not up there for anyone but you. Now, on that note, you have the most beautiful voice, little birdie. Do you know what my favorite part of my day is?”
I shake my head. “No, what?”
“When I wake up and hear you singing as you get ready for school or whatever you are doing that day. I love hearing your sweet, beautiful voice. Don’t worry about what others think. There will always be people who will try to tear you down, or make you feel like less of a person. Remember to stay strong and be true to you.” She leans down and kisses my forehead. “Now get out there and sing your heart out, little birdie.”
There is a sudden dip in my bed, and my eyes fly open as my heart leaps from my chest.