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I nod. I can’t shy away from the truth with Zoe.
“Why is he a certain age and not in a steady relationship with someone his own age? What are the older, wiser women seeing and avoiding in him that you haven’t seen yet?”
Her words physically hurt me, because I don’t like thinking about it. Am I really missing something so obvious to everyone else?
Based on the fact that he thought I was a hired companion, it probably means he hasn’t been in a serious relationship for a long time. I could ask him about other relationships, but would he tell me the truth? Why am I questioning him so much?
“I’m so…happy right now. I’m really enjoying what we have. I don’t know that I want to break it off.”
“Did you call me for advice or just to talk about it?”
“Actually,youtexted me.”
“Because I’m worried about you. You’re always there when we have meetings. And Aurora was upset when you didn’t show.”
I make a face. “Yeah, she came by and told me about it. Mia came too. It was like some sort of reckoning.”
“You know how she is.”
“Oh, I know Aurora. Too well, actually.”
We sit in silence for a moment. Samson has firmly settled against Zoe’s legs, and I feel like my dog has betrayed me as I take a long sip of tea.
“Look, Madison, I’m not going to tell you what to do. You know I never do that. I try not to be too bossy.”
“We have enough bossiness in our group.”
Zoe smiles at my remark, but I can tell that she’s still worried about me. “Yes, we do. But my point is that I think you should break things off with this older man, whoever he is. I don’t want you to get into a situation where you feel like youcan’t.But even if you choose not to, you should know that I’m here for you.”
Her words hit me hard, and I look away, annoyed that a couple of tears want to bubble up and run free. Where didthosecome from? I’m not a crier, but this is the most difficult situation I’ve ever been in.
I feel like I’m either lying to my friends or ignoring what I want. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
“Anyway, thanks for coming over, Zoe. You know that none of us would be the same people we are today if it weren’t for you.”
Zoe poses with her hand under her chin and smiles. “Well, thank you, darling.” She drops the silly pose. “You know that I care about you a lot. I want you to get your surf school and be able to get rid of crazy boarders like those two.” She motions in the direction of Bella and Bigfoot.
“I wish. But I just don’t know how possible that’s going to happen.” I think about Ethan. I bet if I asked him for a loan now, he might say yes. But there’s also the other possibility that he won’t and that asking him would ruin the fragile thing we’ve built.
And right now, that feels more important than my dream of a surf school. It doesn’t mean I’m giving up on it. I’m just choosing something else right now.
19
ETHAN
The wind is especially bitingtoday, and I’m glad that we’ve gotten the dogs’ exercise out of the way. It feels like it’s only getting colder. The only thing better than being cozied up under the blankets is being cozied up with Madison.
That’s why I’m standing on her front step hoping that we can spend the evening together. I have a box in my hands that I hope will help.
Madison peers at me through the curtain. I only see a flash of her face, just a quick peek, and then, she’s gone. I hear her trying to shepherd the dogs away from the door. When she finally opens it, I can hear at least one of them howling in the background.
Madison leans against the frame, but I see the immediate shiver that hits her. I nod back into the house. “I’ve got something for you if you want to step back inside.”
The dogs continue to howl, and Madison says something I can't quite hear. She does move aside and let me in, though. I can feel her curious gaze on the box.
“Hush!” she shouts at Bigfoot and Bella.
Bella calms down, but Bigfoot continues carrying on. “Bigfoot is my buddy. Yes, he is. That’s why you’re so excited, isn’t it?”