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My fingers dug into the arm of my chair as I stared at her. I didn’t know what to say that could convey the depth of the emptiness I felt inside.

I wouldn’t put this on her; I didn’t even know whatthiswas.

It was just a hole, a void, that I didn’t know how to mend. And it was growing by the second, eating me alive.

Iwas the strong one. I was the one that was supposed to pull her out of her grief and tell her it would be okay. Not the other way around.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“I miss him, Ata.” Cin’s voice was barely audible over the crackling of the fire.

I couldn’t meet her eyes. I couldn’t look into the pain I knew was dancing behind the tears I could hear in her voice.

A sob built in my chest and I strangled it as my heart clenched like a fist had clamped around it.

I didn’t just miss Ardan.

No,misswas too surface of a word for what I felt.

I was suffocating without him. I was decomposing slowly, in every way. I could still feel the weight of his dead body in my arms as I pulled him against my chest. I could still feel the shredding in my throat from screaming his name into the burning sky. Could still taste his blood on my lips as I kissed his face, begging him to come back to me.

I would never let myself love like that again.

I would rather die.

Cin’s fingers brushed a tear from my cheek and my eyes snapped to hers. I hadn’t realized I was crying, hadn’t seen her kneel on the floor in front of me. I shot to my feet, wiping my eyes and sniffing away the tears as I took a step away from her.

“I need to get to sleep.” The words were harsh as they fell from my lips and I sucked in a sharp breath at the sound of them.

Cin slowly rose from the floor, the sadness in her face deepening as she wiped her nose with her sleeve. Her grey eyes locked on mine and I forced myself not to recoil in shame.

“I love you, Ata. I will always love you. I’m not going anywhere, no matter how far you try to push me. I’m not leaving your side.” Her voice was so full of love as she said the words but somewhere, deep in the veins of them, I could sense fear.

A nod was the only response I could muster as she took one last long look at me before turning to leave the room. I watched as the doors closed behind her and let out a long, shuddered breath.

I had to get it together.

My hands dragged over my face as I fell back into the chair and groaned as I glanced at the clock ticking away on the wall in the silence. It was only nine o’clock and I needed to get out of this room.

I needed to get out of the walls of this castle.

I stood, snatching my jacket off the desk tucked into the corner of the sitting room and strode to the door.

Vathham Street was calling my name.

Nethkarwasalivewiththe hum of energy under the dusk sky. Merchants lined each side of the narrow, cobblestone road of Vatham Street, peddling their goods to villagers as laughter and song spilled from the tavern’s open windows and doors.

The city was Locdragoon’s capital and stood at the base of the hill where the castle stood. It wasn’t grand by any means, but it was vast, sprawling out for miles in every direction. Farmers and traders came from all across the realm to sell their goods along its streets. Anything you could ever need could be found at one of the merchant tables that were set up night after night or the stone shops with straw roofs that lined the twisting city roads.

I was no one here, and that was comforting. Just another person lost to the sea of people that constantly crowded the narrow streets.

I pulled my hood over my head to shield my face as long crimson locks began to trickle over my chest, the blunt endsbrushing over the belt of daggers cinched tight around my waist. A smile crept onto my lips as I meandered through the packed street, letting the energy seep into my skin. I could breathe outside of my own skin, could finally fill my lungs with the oxygen they so desperately craved.

The glitter of gems caught my attention and I stopped at a small table strewn with weapons. My fingers slid over the surface of them as I plucked up a dagger I knew Cin would love to add to her collection. Black gems covered the hilt and sparkled against the golden blade that glittered in the dim lighting.

“See something you like, Love?” Dukovich’s voice sounded from behind me, his breath kissing the back of my neck.

“Yes, a new toy to stab you with if you ever call me that again,” I snapped, keeping my eyes glued to the goods on the table in front of me.