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“Zen I am ready ta teach ye,” she said, smiling down at me as a breath loosed itself from my lungs. “I will come ta ye ‘ome in ze mornin’ ta start. D’na make me regret zis.”

“Thank you. I won’t, I promise you.” I said, and I think it was the first promise I had made in months I actually wanted to keep.

Chapter thirty-three

ATALIIA

Aknockonmychamber door sounded throughout the room, and from the softness of it, I knew it was Cin. Guilt bloomed in my stomach. I should have gone to talk to her last night after the meeting—should have at least said something to her—but I didn’t know how.

And if I was finally being honest with myself, I was scared.

“Come in!” I called out as I hauled a crate full of items into the sitting room where boxes of all shapes and sizes were strewn about to see her stepping through the doorway.

Her eyes scanned over the mess as I set the crate down on top of another and brushed the dust off my sweater.

“Hi,” Cin said softly, pulling her gaze to mine.

My stomach twisted as I looked back at her.

“Hi,” I responded as a silence fell between us and our eyes locked on each other. A smirk formed on my lips as I crossed my arms and lifted a brow. “This is fucking awkward.”

Her lips split into a wide grin as she rushed me, bolting through the boxes as her body crashed into mine. A groan fell from my mouth and I flinched at the pain that shot through my body with the movement.

“I’m so sorry . . . your wounds—” she started, trying to pull away but my grip on her tightened, my arms locking around her waist as I breathed her in.

“It’s okay.I’mokay,” I whispered against her shoulder, letting out a heavy sigh. “I missed you so much, Cin.”

Her hand ran over my hair as she tucked my head further under her chin. “I missed you too.”

We stayed like that for a long moment, holding each other, making up for the time we had lost all these months. I finally pulled away, my eyes falling to my hands as her fingers wrapped around my shoulders. I’d never not known how to talk to her, never felt uncomfortable in her presence, until now.

“We should talk,” she said, cutting into my thoughts as her fingers gently squeezed before letting me go.

I nodded, turning toward the room that was beginning to look bare, and cleared off the two armchairs across from the fire. She flung her fingers toward the hearth, flames igniting as I moved the last of the boxes from her chair. She plopped into it, pulling her legs up to her chest like she always had. My eyes grazed over her, seeing the mannerisms I knew so well gave me comfort knowing that she was still her, even after everything.

“It’s early, I didn’t expect you to be awake,” I said, lowering myself into the chair across from her and glancing toward the windows on the far side of the room. The dark was still holding steady, confirming it couldn’t be much past four in the morning.

She shrugged, her eyes watching the flames dance inside their cave.

“I couldn’t sleep, I rarely can these days it seems.” A deep sigh left her lips as she turned toward me and I stilled at the strength her eyes held, the determination. “How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know” I answered honestly as I leaned further into the chair. “Broken, ashamed, weak, damaged,fucking furious. But also, maybe a little bit . . . liberated? I don’t know. I fucking snapped, Cin.”

“Yeah,” she said, amusement dancing in her tone. “My face isveryaware of that.”

I glanced over at her, a grimace twitching over my face. “Yeah about that—” I loosed a deep breath. “I am really sorry. There are a lot of things I’m sorry for, but putting my hands on you . . .” I swallowed. “It’s unforgivable and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“Putting your hands on me was not okay, and you willneverdo it again.” Her words were sharp as she said them, commanding, and I nodded. But then her features softened again as she continued.

“But you have shown me nothing but love my entire life. You have protected me at times when I didn’t even know I needed it. You wore a mask you thought was impervious to destruction, but then you finally let Ardan in and in the same breath you lost him. That broke you, in a way you didn’t think you were capable of breaking. So, I understand why it happened, but it’s not me you need forgiveness from, you’ve already had it. It’s you—youneed to forgive yourself.” She let one foot slip to the floor, a quiet thud echoing through the room as she let out a soft sigh.

“It takes strength to love ourselves when we feel nothing but shame, when you feel nothing but loathing for the person in the mirror staring back at you. But you are strong, Ata, you just forgot that about yourself for a moment.”

She leaned across the small distance between us, slipping her hand into mine.

“Healing is a choice. It’s an action that takes work to achieve but I know you. And if you decide you want to heal, nothing, and I meannothing, will get in your way.” She smiled softly at me as I stared back at her, tears falling from my eyes at her words.

I had said the Gods never answered my prayers, but when they gave me her—they answered every prayer that would ever slip from my lips.