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So what if I chased that feeling a little. We all need something to keep us from being shattered by the losses. So what if mine looks different from theirs, I thought to myself as I rounded the last bend of the corridor leading to my quarters.

I had been so deep in thought I hadn’t realized how far I had made it through the castle. It was beginning to come alive now, the sounds of guards shuffling through the halls and maidens rushing through the staff quarters to start their morning routines.

I looked up from the swirling marble to see Elric leaning against the entrance to my rooms and rolled my eyes.Here we go, I thought to myself as I stopped in front of him.

“What do you want, Elric?” I sighed, my tone unamused as I pushed the key into the lock and twisted.

“You made me look like an idiot this morning, Ata. You made me seem inept,” Elric scolded, following on my heels into the sitting area of my chamber.

“No,youmade yourself look like an idiot,” I said, pulling my sweater over my head and tossing it onto the back of an armchair. “It’s not my fault your men can’t tell the difference between their King and an impostor.”

I pulled my hair up onto my head in a tight bun, kicking off my boots and pulling my leathers and undergarments down my legs as my skin shifted. I tossed my clothes into the corner and walked through the double doors into the bedroom.

“Look at it this way, now you know where you have a weakness, and you can fix it.” I lifted a brow as I turned to face him, this naked body now on full display.

Elric kept his eyes locked on mine and I smirked at the willpower he was using not to look me over—not to let his eyes take in every inch of me.

“This”—Elric gestured toward me with one hand, the other clamped tight around the pommel of the sword belted to his side—“doesn’t change the conversation I am trying to have with you, Ata.” He dragged a hand down his face, groaning as he lifted his eyes to the ceiling.

“Maybe not, but fucking me may give you a change of heart.” I grinned as I laid back onto the bed, letting my legs open just enough for him to view what he was missing.

His eyes stayed glued to mine for only a moment longer before they drifted over my body.

“This conversation isn’t over,” he growled, releasing control and letting his sword clatter to the ground.

His hands moved frantically as he walked toward me, unbuttoning his tunic and letting his clothes fall to a pile at our feet.

Islippedoutofbed where Elric still lay naked atop the sheets, his deep brown skin glittering with sweat against the sun that had finally made its full entrance into the soft morning sky.

“Why don’t I come back and stay with you tonight? We can have a proper meal together and talk—maybe with you staying in your own body?” Elric asked as I slipped a crimson robe over arms that slowly shifted back into my own, and tied it at the waist.

My brows furrowed as I looked over at him. “Why?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Ata, maybe to get to know each other better? To learn about the woman I am bedding.”

I rolled my eyes, pulling my hair from under the robe’s collar.

“It’s been almost every morning for two months now, and though I am not complaining, I would like for it to be something more. I would like to see you, to be with the real you.”

His voice was so kind, so sincere, and I knew he meant it. I knew he genuinely wanted to know me on a deeper level than the detached intimacy we used to fill a void.

But I didn’t want him to know me—know the black hole that consumed my soul. And I would never,neverlet him touch me in my own skin.

This body wouldneverbelong to anyone else.

It would always be his.

“We talked about this,” I said, turning my eyes from his to hide the shame. “If you’re not satisfied with our arrangementany longer, I understand. But that’s all this is Elric—anarrangement. A service we are giving to each other to fulfill a need we both have.”

I couldn’t bring myself to look at him as I spoke, couldn’t bear to see the hurt I knew I’d find looking back at me.

“It’s nearing eight and I need to bathe; we have a breakfast date with your King.” I said the words over my shoulder as I stepped into the bathing chamber and closed the door behind me.

Today I will do better; I will be better,I promised myself as I walked over to the vanity and gazed into the mirror.

I made myself that promise every morning.

But I never kept it.