Page 7 of 3 Daddies to Go

I need to stop that train of thought before I end up in an embarrassing situation in the middle of a church. I turn my focus back to the ceremony as Herbie begins his vows.

“Trudy,” he begins. Trace hands him another tissue to wipe the sweat from his face. I’ve never seen the dude perspire so much, not even when the superintendent chewed us out for putting a cow on the roof of our school. “You changed my life when you walked into my office and told me you wanted a guaranteed parking spot in front of the local diner, because the patrons kept taking up space and you were always late for work.”

Everyone in the audience laughs good-naturedly. Demanding seems to be Trudy’s default setting, and I’m not surprised they met because she wanted something from Herbie. She’s been asking him for things every day since.

“Ever since then,” Herbie stammers, “you’ve been the one taking up space in my mind, in my heart, and in my life.”

I have to hand it to the guy: he’s sincere at least, even if the bride doesn’t deserve it. After all, Trace, Tag and I knew immediately that Trudy was bad news for our friend from the get go. She clung to Herbie like glue and barely let him out of her sight. That first night, Trudy had plans with a friend, so Herbie was allowed to go out with us, but she called him every five minutes until he finally gave up and went home to wait for her.

Despite that bad behavior, hestilldecided to marry her. It was crazy. What does he see in her? Even today, with Trudy dolled up like a mannequin, I still can’t fathom what he sees. I bet his bride was behind that crazy music change with the organist slinking out, embarrassed.

The ceremony continues.

“Do you have the rings?” the pastor asks Trace.

“The rings?”

The pastor stares at him.

“Yes. The rings.”

My friend feigns surprise.

“Oh yeah, those rings!” Everyone laughs. Trace keeps up the charade by patting all of his pockets, pretending like he can’t find them. “I have them somewhere. Yeah, here they are.”

Trace takes the rings out of his pocket and hands them over. Thank God we’re on the ring portion of the ceremony. I think I would die if I had to stand up here much longer, especially with the sexy bridesmaid standing across from us looking like she does. That dress doesn’t look good on anyone, but it looks decent on her, highlighting her wide hips and generous breasts. I bet it’d look even better lying on the floor.

I really shouldn’t be having those thoughts in a church, but you can’t kill a man for what he’s thinking. To be frank, I’m pretty sure Tag and Trace are having the same thoughts, so it’s a miracle the church hasn’t burned down.

Then, the pastor hands Trudy and Herbie their rings and instructs Trudy to do the whole “with this ring I thee wed” thing. Honestly, why anyone wants to go through this is beyond me. What happened to short, fast, and snappy?

My mind wanders again, this time to work. It’ll be a miracle if I get back to the office and find everything still standing. They need me to hold their hands, or they’ll lose millions of dollars. I didn’t realize how easy it was for people to misplace money until I started working in finance.

Shit, I’m supposed to be on vacation, not thinking about my job. I force myself not to check my phone. That would definitely get me some looks from the bride’s family. I’ll be able to check it as soon as we’re out of the church. I’m pretty sure we have another two hours of standing around and posing for pictures before the reception starts. Which means we still have a few hours before we get to the open bar. I should’ve slipped a flask in my jacket pocket. That would’ve made the ceremony easier to get through.

Herbie finally slips a ring on Trudy’s finger. I think that means the ceremony is finally over, right? The pastor nods with a proud smile.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

Tag, Trace, and I whoop as Herbie pulls Trudy into his arms and kisses her like no one is watching. This time, the crowd joins in with their own whoops and hollers. Thank god. Finally, the ceremony is over and everyone stands for Herbie and Trudy as they walk down the aisle, now officially husband and wife.

My friend genuinely seems to love Trudy, which still surprises me. I don’t understand it, and neither do Tag or Trace, but if Herbie is happy, then it’s fine. Hopefully Trudy will let him hang out with us. Kidnapping is illegal, but if that’s the only way we can see our buddy, we aren’t above breaking the law.

After the bride and groom make their grand exit, it’s time for the bridal party to follow. The sexy bridesmaid is the next to leave, with Trace right behind her. I follow after then, and I study the bridesmaid’s ass as she sways down the aisle. My rod stiffens at the sight because she’s so voluptuous. Damnit, I officially have a boner in a church.

Meanwhile, Tag whispers “shit” behind me under his breath, and I know he’s staring at the gorgeous bridesmaid too. This bridesmaid has been marked as our target, and she doesn’t even know.

But it can be fun because to be honest, most women like being the object of our affections. Tag, Trace, and I are good looking guys. We get a lot of stares when we’re walking down the streets in the city. Most of the attention is pointless because they’re skinny girls we’d never go for, but the rapturous gazes are undeniable.

Plus, we’re hardly monks. We partake of what is offered, so long as it’s a decent size. Sometimes we partake daily when we have a lot of prospects and it’s usually, three on one. It’s “bohemian” and “unconventional” but that’s what we like. We’re not afraid to share, and honestly, the girls never complain. Why would they? They’re getting three attractive guys at once, with three massive tools. We’re good in bed, and most of our conquests want us again and again.

But a voice in my head tells me there’s something special about this particular bridesmaid. It’s not just her shape; it’s her angelic features coupled with the saucy looks on her face I saw during the ceremony. It’s the way her breasts tremble as she looks at us, and the way there’s a creamy flush tingeing her cheeks when she smiles our way. Oh yeah, she wants it, and Tag, Trace and I are only too happy to oblige.

4

Kendall

Sitting in the limo on the way to the reception, I can finally breathe for the first time since before Trudy got engaged.