Page 30 of Your Love (Merrimack Mavericks Hockey #3)

Chapter 30

“It’s All Been Done”

Kerri - Age 23, 1993

I ’m being a coward. I’m aware it’s taking the easy way out, not attending Sarah’s wedding reception. Last night, Ivy, Sascha, and I took a stroll down memory lane with some of Sarah’s friends who had come to town for the wedding. Ivy’s recollection of everything she had been through in the past few years left me tangled up inside, and I became overwhelmed with the thought of going to the wedding today and being with everyone again.

I had thought that my decision to stay in Texas and face the past head-on was the right one. I still think staying for that first year was crucial. I went to therapy. I became stronger mentally and physically. Most importantly, I finally forgave myself and released the leftover guilt I was holding onto about staying in a relationship with Beau.

But as years flew by and became indistinguishable from one another, I became comfortable in my new life. I did a fantastic job of living in the moment, but in doing so, I neglected the life I had built in Merrimack and the people who had mattered to me the most.

One thing I’ve learned is that every decision you make has some sort of consequence. Now, being back, I’m facing the consequences of my decision—choices that not only affected me but those around me.

Yes, I lost my memory for a brief time, but listening to Ivy recount the details of her abduction and time in captivity last night, I couldn’t help but think about everything she went through.

She lost precious years of her life and then endured the loss of a great love. And she went through it here in Merrimack while I was busy in Texas. It suddenly dawned on me how self-absorbed my decision was, choosing to tune out the world and everyone in it.

Of course, Ivy and Sash have always been understanding and supportive of my decision to stay in Texas after my accident, and we’ve managed to maintain a decent level of communication. But even with that, it’s still difficult to come to terms with the fact that I chose to leave everyone behind.

One of the biggest regrets weighing on me is Landry. He’s so angry with me. I think, on some level, I knew he would be upset that I never reached out, but the memory of his fiery eyes keeps flashing in my mind. The way he looked when I walked into the barn was near-disgust and only amplified more when he saw him more relaxed with his girlfriend later in the day.

I have no right to be upset about Landry moving on. I want him to be happy, and I pushed him away for that reason. That doesn’t mean seeing it didn’t hurt. Thankfully, I was able to avoid looking at him at the wedding ceremony this afternoon. I focused my gaze straight ahead and kept it solely on Sarah, but as soon as I could, I explained to Sarah that I wasn’t feeling well and booked it out of there.

Poor Sarah has her hands full with this trio of friends and our hockey-playing ex-boyfriends. Ivy, Sash, and I were all a mess prior to the ceremony this morning. We’re going to need to buy Sarah an extra fabulous wedding present to make up for the drama.

I’m finally somewhat relaxed, for the first time since I got home, sitting on the weathered porch of the house and listening to the familiar sounds of the farm. The clucks of chickens and the occasional bleat from the sheep are a soothing symphony in my ears. Believe it or not, the smell of fresh hay and manure mingling together has always been one of my favorites.

Suddenly, the peacefulness is interrupted by the rumbling of tires on the dirt road leading up to the farm. An older white Honda Accord pulls up and parks in front of the barn, its engine sputtering to a stop. I don’t think Nana and Papa are expecting any visitors this evening, and all my friends are at the wedding reception.

My curiosity piques as I watch a tall brunette step out of the car and walk towards me. She’s wearing oversized sunglasses that obscure her features, but there’s something strangely familiar about her.

As she approaches, I stand up from my spot on the porch and walk to the railing, trying to get a better look at her. She climbs the creaky stairs with confidence and reaches for her sunglasses, pushing them up on top of her head. As soon as I see her eyes, recognition floods through me like a wave crashing against rocks.

My heart skips a beat, and I rush down the stairs to envelop Paisley in a tight hug. Because her height advantage is about two inches over my frame, I wrap my arms around her waist. As she leans back, I take in her delicate features—full lips curved into a soft smile, warm brown eyes sparkling with affection.

“Paisley,” I say, the words trembling on my lips. “You’ve grown up.”

Her voice is like a balm to my soul as she responds, “Hi, Kerri.”

Tears well up in my eyes as a mix of happiness and nostalgia wash over me. I had heard from Sasha and Ivy that Paisley was doing better, but hearing her voice for myself is a whole other experience. No longer the scared little girl I once knew, Paisley now stands before me as a stunningly confident teenage young woman. Her hair cascades down her shoulders, framing her face with delicate beauty.

Gesturing towards her car, I ask, “Since when are you driving?”

“For over a year now,” she responds with a warm chuckle. My mind races, trying to recall the last time I saw her. It has been too long.

“Oh my gosh, I’m completely forgetting my manners. Please, come sit down.” I invite her. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“I wouldn’t mind some of Nana’s famous sweet tea,” she says with a nostalgic smile.

“Consider it done.” I rush into the house and open the ever-ready pitcher of tea in the refrigerator. A few minutes later, I return and take a seat beside her.

“It’s so good to see you,” I tell her sincerely.

“It’s good to see you too,” she replies, her eyes filled with genuine warmth.

A sudden wave of guilt washes over me for not trying to keep in touch with Paisley all these years. I had avoided reaching out because I knew my actions had hurt Landry, and I wasn’t sure how to navigate that in terms of his family. It was easier for me to duck out of their lives, but looking at Paisley now, I realize how much I have missed out on by not reaching out.

“So, what’s going on with you?” I ask her.

“Just high school,” she says.

I shake my head in disbelief. “What year are you now?”

“I’m a junior,” she replies.

I can’t believe what I am hearing. “And you’re completely okay now?” I ask hesitantly. “I mean, everything is back to normal?”

Paisley nods confidently. “I’m fine,” she replies. “I do still struggle with losing my voice when I get really frightened or nervous, like a lingering side effect of the trauma. But it doesn’t hold me back from living my life.”

My admiration for her courage and resilience only grows stronger. “That’s incredible, Paisley,” I tell her sincerely. “What else have you been up to? Are you involved in any sports? Any boyfriends you need to tell me about?” I lift an eyebrow in question.

She shakes her head, a small smile playing on her lips. “No sports for me,” she says. “I prefer to focus on my art. But yes, I do have a boyfriend. He actually plays for the Mavericks, and coincidentally, my brother happens to be his coach. Sometimes, I think my brother puts extra pressure on him because of that.”

I lean back and burst into laughter, my hands cupping my stomach. “The image of your brother coaching your boyfriend is almost too much to handle. I never even knew Landry was coaching,” I confess.

“He picked it up after his playing days were over and hasn’t stopped since.”

It takes me a moment to process this information. “Wait, he doesn’t play anymore? Did he get injured or something?”

Paisley’s expression turns solemn as she responds, “You mean he never told you?”

My eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Told me what?”

With a heavy sigh, she begins to explain, “That summer when you had your accident, and Landry went back to Texas for a few weeks—well, he got replaced on the team and never earned his spot back.”

Nausea twists in my stomach. “I had no idea.” Images flash through my mind—asking him if it was okay for him to stay, his promise to stay forever if I needed him to—and I feel sick with guilt.

“It’s okay,” Paisley says. “He was never meant to be a professional player anyway. Coaching is where his heart truly lies. You can’t take that on yourself.”

I press my lips together, trying to hold back tears. “Easier said than done,” I croak out. My eyes drift towards the field in front of us, watching the gentle sway of the grass in the breeze. “I saw him yesterday.”

Paisley’s eyebrows raise in surprise. “How did that go?”

My shoulders slump. “He hates me,” I admit, my voice barely audible. “And I don’t blame him.”

Paisley places her hand over mine. “He doesn’t hate you.”

“It’s not just about our relationship,” I confess. “I walked away from my best friend.”

“You had to do what was best for yourself,” Paisley reassures me. I’m not sure where she gets her wisdom from at seventeen years old. I wish I had been more like her at that age.

“I know, but I still messed up.”

“Do you want to try and make things right?” she asks softly.

My heart aches with longing for that to be possible. “More than anything,” I reply. “But I don’t fit into his life anymore. He has a girlfriend now, and I don’t want to make things difficult.”

Paisley’s voice is solemn as she speaks. “That’s part of the reason I came by,” she says, her eyes fixed on mine. “He doesn’t just have a girlfriend anymore. He has a fiancée.”

My heart lurches. “What? Since when?”

“It’s a very recent development,” Paisley reveals. “Very rushed and very recent.” She releases a deep breath. “ Look, Lauren isn’t the worst person I’ve ever met, but I also don’t think she’s the right person for Landry. She’s too controlling. I think he’s been lulled into a sense of comfort with her, but deep down, I know they shouldn’t get married.”

“Have you told him how you feel?”

Paisley shifts in her seat. “Not in so many words. But I truly believe it would be a mistake for him to marry her when it’s clear that he belongs with you.”

Her words hit me like a sharp blade piercing through my heart. A small part of me still holds onto hope, but reality quickly sets in. “It’s too late, Paisley. Too much time has passed. We don’t have a future anymore. If he’s getting married to someone else, I have to accept that.”

Paisley’s expression softens as she speaks again. “But what if it’s not too late? What if there’s still a chance for you two?”

Before I can respond, she drops another bombshell. “I’m not supposed to tell anyone this, but Landry and Lauren are eloping. They’re getting married in Hawaii on Saturday.”

My mouth goes dry as I process this new information, my mind whirling with thoughts and doubts. Paisley reads my expression like an open book. “I know you’re not okay with this,” she says gently.

I try to remain composed as I speak my words, though my voice wavers with emotion. “It doesn’t matter if I’m okay with it or not,” I tell her, fighting back tears. “I made a choice, and now he’s made a choice. It doesn’t matter what I think.”

She leans in closely, her eyes imploring me to reconsider. “But what if it does?” she presses. “What if your thoughts and feelings do matter? It’s clear that you still care about my brother, and I know he feels the same for you.”

My heart clenches at her words, memories flooding back of our time together and the love we shared. “I will always care for him, but I don’t understand what you’re asking of me here.”

“You need to go to him,” she insists. “Tell him how you truly feel. You owe it to yourselves to at least try and fight for your relationship.”

“You want me to show up in Hawaii like a lunatic?” I exclaim, my voice rising in disbelief. The thought of flying across the country to confront my ex-boyfriend on a tropical island seemed absurd. “Why can’t I just talk to him now?”

Paisley sighs, her brown eyes filled with concern. “Because they already left this morning. Of course, it was Lauren’s idea to leave early, but the ceremony isn’t until Saturday.”

I rub my temples, trying to process everything she’s told me.

“Kerri, I know that both of you have regrets about the past. I think you need this, even if it’s just for closure.”

I feel a twinge of pain in my chest. “But do you really think this is necessary? Going all the way to Hawaii for closure? Seems like him getting married is all the closure I need.”

“Yes, I do,” she answers confidently, her youthful voice carrying wisdom beyond her years.

I shake my head. “I can’t do that to him, Paisley. But thank you for coming by.”

She stands and opens her arms for a hug. I wrap my arms around her and breathe her scent, a reminder of a different time.

“Okay,” she says as we break apart. “But just in case you change your mind, here’s the hotel information.” She drops a note on the table beside us. “And Kerri, please don’t disappear again,” she adds with a mischievous grin.

“I promise I won’t, Pais,” I reassure her. “I’ll be here. And don’t be a stranger either.”

As she turns to leave, she looks back at me from the bottom of the steps. “Things always have a way of working out in the end,” she says with a hopeful smile. Then she lowers her gaze and waves goodbye. “See you later.”