Page 20 of Your Love (Merrimack Mavericks Hockey #3)

Chapter 20

“Blurry”

Landry - Age 19, 1989

I ’m usually a patient guy, but right now, the last thing I feel is patient. The first year of college wrapped up yesterday. We did it. One whole year completed. I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do, but playing with the Mavs and taking some general education classes has proved to be the right decision.

Kerri was excited to finish her finals and be done this year, as well. She was able to pack up her belongings and store them with the resident advisor so that she could visit Texas for a few weeks before spending the remainder of the summer with me.

She caught a flight there yesterday. Her visit at Christmas went well, so I’m not as worried about her being there. Beau never showed his face. In fact, the rumor is that he left town. But I’m still anxious to get her here with me. I miss my girlfriend and can’t wait to spend a couple of uninterrupted months with her.

When we spoke this morning, she said she planned to see an old friend tonight. I’ve been waiting anxiously for her call for the past three hours. I’ve paced, raided the refrigerator, played some video games, paced some more, and eaten more food. I’m still waiting.

She said the movie ended at nine, and then she’d come straight home. At least, that was the plan. Maybe they decided to grab something to eat and started talking. That was my first thought. Or maybe they decided to do something else that takes longer? I’m trying not to worry, but I can’t help it. It’s not like Kerri to miss one of our phone dates. It’s the one thing we both look forward to.

My worry isn’t about trust. I trust her more than anything. This is about my concern that she’s in some trouble. Just because Beau hasn’t shown his face in almost a year, that doesn’t mean he’s disappeared or forgotten about Kerri. He still blames her for his life falling apart. Crazy son of a bitch.

I called her parents’ number earlier and left a message on the answering machine, but no one called me back. Something is wrong. I don’t understand how I know, but I do.

I can’t go for a run because I need to be near my phone. I don’t want to play any more video games or focus on reading. Eating is out of the picture because this constant state of worry is now making me nauseous.

I glance over at the corner of my room and notice four neon green tennis balls. With a heavy heart, I make my way over to them and pick them up one by one. I start tossing them in the air, trying to focus on the rhythmic movement rather than the racing thoughts in my mind. My hands fumble with the fourth ball as I try to keep the pattern going, but I refuse to give up. I feel like an idiot juggling right now, but it’s my go-to strategy for clearing my mind and finding focus in moments like this.

I toss the balls in a smooth rhythm, trying to push thoughts of Kerri out of my mind. But after a few minutes, my concentration falters, and the balls fall to the ground. I grab my phone and redial her parents’ number. The ringing echoes in my ear until it stops abruptly; voicemail again. Frustrated, I dial her grandparents’ number next, hoping they have some insight into her sudden disappearance.

“Hello?” The husky voice rings out over the line.

“Hi, Earl. It’s Landry.”

A sigh releases on the other end of the phone. “Hi, Landry. I was about to give you a call.”

“What’s going on?” I ask every nerve in my body on full alert.

“It’s about Kerri Ann,” he says. “She was in a car accident this evening, Landry.”

I knew it. I knew something was wrong in my heart. Our connection is too deep, and she would never blow me off. “Is she okay? Where is she? What’s going on?” My questions come out in rapid succession.

Earl’s voice is calm and measured. I think it’s meant to help me relax, but it doesn’t work. I’m in fight or flight mode as he speaks, doing my best to focus on his words.

“Well, now, we don’t know exactly,” he says. “Other than the fact that she was in an accident with her friend on the way home from the movies this evening. I don’t have details yet because my son was only able to call me for a moment, but I do know that she has some pretty serious injuries. She’s in the hospital.”

“But she’s going to be okay? She has to be okay. I can see her, right?”

“I think she’s going to be okay. We’re waiting for some details, and then we’re probably going to catch a flight and check things out for ourselves.”

“Maybe I can get on a flight and go as well,” I say out loud. My mind races with thoughts of everything I need to do to get ready to leave. I have to talk to my parents and Coach Dupree. Everyone will understand. They have to understand.

Earl stops my train of thought. “Landry, why don’t you hold off until we know a little bit about what’s going on? I promise as soon as I hear anything, I’ll tell you.”

“I can’t sit here and be useless, Sir, “ I plead.

“You’re not useless, Landry. Kerri Ann cares about you very much, and I know that whatever she’s going through right now, she’s thinking about you. Hell, Kid, that makes you just about the most useful person I can think of.”

I hope he’s right, but it still doesn’t feel like enough.

“But I do need to ask you a favor,” he continues.

“Anything,” I tell him.

“Do you think you could find someone to help Trevor take care of the animals while we’re gone? Just for a few days. Maybe you could even do it?”

“I don’t mind helping out,” I tell him. “I think I have a pretty good handle on everything that goes on there. But what about when I go to Texas?” I ask.

“Well, by then, I reckon we’ll be back. Patty and I can’t travel well and don’t like being gone for long. Maybe we can switch places?” he offers.

Okay, that’ll work, I think to myself. At least I can help out Kerri’s family while they find out what’s going on with her. They don’t need me charging in right now. I doubt her parents even know about me. “I can do that,” I offer.

“Okay, son. I’ll call you as soon as I get more information. Should be real soon,” he says.

I hadn’t realized how tightly I was holding the phone until I attempt to release the receiver to hang up. My fingers are cramped, and I’m only able to unravel them with a deep ache. As soon as I hang up, my body sways with dizziness. The entire room spins like the Tilt a Whirl ride at the carnival. I grab onto my desk chair for support. My heart rate is skyrocketing, and my entire body is shaking. I’m burning up and freezing simultaneously. In fact, it feels like my veins are full of fire, but goosebumps are breaking out across my body. I attempt to move, but the dizziness comes back, this time with blurred vision.

What’s going on with me? Am I going to die? Who has a stroke at nineteen years old? This can’t be happening. But it is, and the more I think about it, the worse it gets. My fingers are tingling, and it’s difficult to catch my breath.

I can’t die. Kerri needs me.

I notice Paisley walk by my room, or what I think is Paisley. It’s difficult to differentiate between reality and this nightmare state I’m in. The next thing I know, my body is giving out, and everything’s fading to black. The last thing I remember is a scream. “Landry!”

I open my eyes, and I’m lying on my back on my bedroom floor. I’m focused on the coldness biting the skin of my neck. Reaching behind me, I pull an ice pack.

“No, you don’t, mister,” says my mom, hovering over me. “Put that ice pack back.”

Mom is clearly in nurse mode, and it’s no use arguing. I don’t know if I can argue anyway. I’m exhausted. I remember what happened, but I’m confused as to why it happened. My mother and Paisley continue looking down on me with worry.

My limbs are heavy with exhaustion, but I manage to rise to a seated position. “Mom, what happened?”

“I think you had a panic attack, Christian,” she says.

“Panic attack? Nothing like that has ever happened to me before.”

“What was happening before you lost consciousness?” she asks.

“I don’t know,” I tell her. “I remember feeling out of control, and I couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t. Then I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and everything went dark.”

“Yes,” she says. “That’s kind of what Paisley said happened.”

I swing my head toward my sister. The scream I heard before I fell—it was real? “What do you mean that’s what Paisley said happened?” I ask with wide eyes.

My sister is sitting next to me with a worried look on her face, but she seems calm—much calmer than I feel right now.

“Your sister screamed when you fell,” Mom says. “She’s got quite the lungs on her.” She winks at Pais, whose mouth shifts into a smile. Mom continues. “Paisley saw something was wrong with you, and she screamed for me to help you. When I got up here, she said two words. ‘He fell.’”

“You said that, Paisley?” I say, meeting her gaze. Paisley simply nods her head. “Can you say anything for me right now?”

“Worried about you, Landry.” Her voice is small and distinct. I’ve imagined her voice in my head for the last ten years, and it’s the voice of a small child. If she ever spoke, that’s what I expected her to sound like. But she doesn’t sound like that at all. There are remnants of that small child, as well as the young woman she’s growing into. Her voice is heavier, with more depth than I could’ve imagined.

Tears begin to flood my sight as I wrap my sister in a hug. “I’m so sorry, Pais. I didn’t mean to scare you.” She hugs me back, letting me know she’s fine. “Your voice is so beautiful. Do you know what you did?” I ask. I continue when she looks at me expectantly. “You used it when I needed you. I’m so proud of you,” I tell her.

I lay back down on the floor and stare up at the ceiling. I try to think about everything that’s transpired over the last hour and that’s when I remember what caused me to panic to begin with.

“Kerri’s hurt,” I say out loud. My mother’s face morphs into concern.

“What do you mean she’s hurt?” she says.

“She was in some car accident back home in Texas. I don’t know how she’s doing. Just that she’s in the hospital, I think that’s what caused me to have a panic attack.”

Paisley’s eyes begin to fill with tears. “Oh, Pais,” I reassure her. “I talked to her Grandpa, and he thinks everything’s going to be okay. He’s going to keep me posted, and as soon as we know something, I’ll tell you. I’m sure it’s going to be okay.”

I don’t believe the words I’m saying. I won’t accept anything until I can hear Kerri’s voice and look into her sparkling blue eyes for myself. But I’m a big brother, and right now, my job is to protect my sister. “I offered to go over and help with the animals. Maybe you could go with me?” I ask. Her lips kick up into a small smile, and she nods. Maybe she’s used all the words she wants to for today.