Page 29 of Your Love (Merrimack Mavericks Hockey #3)
Chapter 29
“All These Things I’ve Done”
Landry- Age 23, 1993
L auren straddles me and gazes into my eyes with concern. Her thumb traces the curve of my eyebrow. “What’s got you worried?” she asks softly.
“I’m fine,” I assure her.
“No. Your eyebrows have been scrunched together in a deep frown, and you’ve been grinding your back teeth since you picked me up tonight. What’s going on?”
She senses the answer, but I refuse to admit it to her or even to myself. Seeing Kerri after all these years has thrown me off balance. I had imagined that moment countless times, hoping that I would be able to handle it with grace and kindness. But when she walked into that barn and demanded a conversation, all of my rehearsed scenarios went out the window.
She was the one who left—the one who ended everything between us. And while I tried to understand her reasons, she has no right to come back here and make demands of me. I’ve moved on, which is what she told me to do.
Lauren leans down and presses a soft kiss to my lips before trailing down to my neck. “Don’t let anything bother you, Landry,” she whispers against my skin. “You’re in such a better place now. Imagine what your future holds. You could take over my dad’s company someday.”
My head instinctively leans back, out of reach from her lips. Confusion clouds my mind as I ask, “What are you talking about?”
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot,” she hesitantly begins. “We’ve been together for a while now, and we love each other. It makes sense that we should be married. Then you can take over my dad’s company and still have time to coach the Mavericks. You can leave that silly little farm behind. It’s a perfect solution.”
A perfect solution? But what problem needs solving? I am content with my life as it is now. I met Lauren in college during one of my agriculture business classes. She was there because her father owns a prominent produce distribution company.
Although we attended high school together, I didn’t know her back then. After my breakup with Kerri gutted me, I was lost and in a dark place for a long time. But Lauren was patient and understanding, not pressuring me into anything. Slowly but surely, our relationship bloomed. While it may not be an intense, passionate love like I had with Kerri, it’s comfortable and logical.
I started working in sales for her father’s company about six months ago. In that short time, I’ve learned a lot about the financial and agricultural aspects of farming. But Thatcher’s farm and the animals that reside there hold a special place in my heart. I don’t want to give it up, no matter how uncomfortable things may be with Kerri.
Lauren’s nimble fingers work my belt buckle with practiced ease as she kisses and licks a trail down my abs. “Getting married makes sense,” she affirms between soft breaths against my skin.
And maybe, in a way, it does, even though we’re young. I love her as much as I can love anyone else, and she treats me well. She allows me to be myself, flaws and all and takes on the responsibility of making most of our decisions.
My parents like her; Paisley, not so much. She’s always been lukewarm about the idea of Lauren and me being together, but ultimately, my sister wants to see me happy. Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing?
As Lauren continues to talk about all the benefits that marriage would bring, her hand gently strokes me from root to tip. Though I want nothing more than to give in to her touch and let pleasure take over, I can’t seem to relax. My racing mind is keeping me from reaching my full erection.
Typically, I have no trouble getting hard. I’m a twenty-three-year-old man, after all. It usually only takes a strong breeze or a passing thought to get me going. But right now, I can’t seem to get there. My mind is too cluttered with conflicting emotions.
The sight of Kerri in that diner and the hurt in her eyes both enraged and devastated me. She has no right to be hurt— I am the one who is hurting. We could have spent the last four years together, navigating our futures as a couple.
Memories of our time together flash through my mind, fueling my frustration and arousal at the same time. Even though I’m furious with her, just thinking about Kerri now has me hard as a rock as Lauren giggles and wraps her mouth around me .
Jesus. This whole situation is so messed up. My girlfriend’s head bobs up and down in my lap, her lips pursing and releasing with each movement. But as much as I try to focus on the sensation, my mind keeps drifting to memories of Kerri. Lauren’s dark hair cascades over my thighs, but all I can picture is the strawberry blonde locks that used to tickle my stomach and tangle in my fingers.
Despite Lauren’s enthusiastic tongue and eager hands, I struggle to push thoughts of Kerri out of my mind. And when I finally release into Lauren’s mouth, it’s Kerri’s face that fills my vision instead of hers. Fuck, why can’t I enjoy this moment without thinking about the past?
Lauren slinks up my body, her movements graceful and fluid like a cat. She nestles her head on my chest, oblivious to the fact that the intensity of our interaction had nothing to do with her. Her satisfaction radiates through her body as she basks in the afterglow of making me feel good.
Leaning up on her elbow, she looks at me with hopeful eyes. “I really do think we should get married,” she repeats, determined not to let go of this idea. “Just think about it. We don’t have to make a big deal out of it. We can tell our families and maybe elope somewhere simple and intimate.”
“I don’t know how my family would feel about that,” I tell her. “Especially Paisley. I think it would hurt her not to be there.”
Lauren places her hand on my cheek, her touch warm and reassuring. “No, I understand that,” she says, her gaze meeting mine with understanding. “But just imagine it. You and I are on the beach, under a sky of stars and surrounded by the sound of crashing waves—a simple, intimate elopement. No stress. No drama.”
I close my eyes and let her words sink in, picturing the scene she’s painting for me. Maybe she’s right. Perhaps this is what’s meant to be, even though it wasn’t on my mind an hour ago. And this is what she needs to see: that I’m committed to our relationship and I’ll do anything to prove it.
Her fingers lace through mine, grounding me in the present moment. “I know it seems wild and impulsive, but it feels right to me,” she pleads. “We can always have a bigger wedding when we return home and celebrate with everyone.”
With determination in my voice, I declare, “Let’s do it.”
She sits up with a jolt, her eyes widening in surprise. “Are you serious? Are we actually getting married?”
I confirm confidently, “Yes, we are getting married.”
Overcome with joy, she squeals and showers my face with kisses.
“Landry, you don’t need to worry about anything. Just let me take care of everything,” she gushes, her words bursting with excitement. “When should we do it? Maybe next weekend?”
“We can’t go next weekend. That’s Sarah’s wedding.”
She quickly mulls over my words. “I’m sure she’ll understand if you miss it.”
“I don’t want to miss it. Delzy and Taz will be home for the first time in forever, and I’ve been looking forward to seeing them for months.”
Disappointment settles on her face, but she approves. “We can plan something for next month, I guess.”
My lips curve up in a smile. “Next month sounds good.”
She jumps up from her seat and dashes out of the room, her voice echoing back to me. “Oh my gosh! I’m so excited! I have to call my mom.”
As I lay back on the soft bed, placing my hands behind my head, I stare up at the familiar white ceiling above me. This is it. This is the right thing to do. The responsible choice for my future. It may not be glamorous or thrilling, but it’s settled. Mature. Easy.
Taz can’t hide the disbelief and confusion evident on his face. “I’m sorry. I must be hallucinating. Did you say you’re getting married?” he says.
The bustling bar buzzes with activity, and the clinking of glasses and the sound of laughter fill the air around us. Sarah’s wedding is hours away, but we managed to steal a few moments together beforehand.
As we sit in a corner booth amidst the lively atmosphere, we update one another on the current state of our lives. I decide to bring up our plans to elope. It turns out that wasn’t the right decision.
As soon as I witness the disapproving looks on my friends’ faces, I regret it. Lauren had wanted to keep it a secret, and now I understand why—the judgment and disapproval roll off my best friends in waves.
I take a sip of my beer, trying to calm my nerves. “That’s what I said.”
“Isn’t this a little fast?” Delzy chimes in.
“We’ve been together for a year. That’s not fast,” I defend.
“Sure, but you’ve never mentioned marriage before. This seems a little impulsive,” Taz argues.
“That’s rich, coming from you,” I retort with a hint of sarcasm.
“I’m impulsive. It’s part of my charm. You’re not. Your thing is being all quiet and broody and overthinking everything,” Taz admits with a smirk.
I narrow my eyes at him. “What are you trying to say?”
Taz holds his hands up in a gesture of surrender, his face filled with unease. “I’m not trying to get my ass kicked here. I want to make sure you’ve really thought this through.”
Delzy’s concerned expression reflects his words. “We just want you to be happy, Landry. Have you considered everything? Where are you going to live? Are you going to be happy working for her father for the rest of your life?”
“Since when did you two become relationship experts?” I retort. “Last time I checked, you were both unhappily single.”
“At least I’m not letting someone else control every aspect of my life,” Delzy snaps back defensively.
“No? You don’t think so? Because from where I’m standing, it looks like Ivy’s been running your life from the remnants of a failed relationship for years.”
Delzy’s response is swift and sharp. “Fuck you, Landry.”
Taz interjects, trying to diffuse the tension. “Hey, let’s all just put our dicks away and calm down.”
Delzy lets out a weary sigh. “Taz is right. We’re not trying to question your decision, Landry. If you’re truly happy, then we’re happy for you.”
My shoulders relax slightly. “Thanks. I appreciate that.”
“Are you telling anyone else?”
I shake my head. “Nope. Only you guys and my family. And please don’t say anything to anyone.”
Taz scoffs. “Who am I going to tell? No one in Colorado gives a damn about your love life, Chewbacca.”
“I was thinking of Sascha, shit for brains,” I say flatly.
“Pfft. I probably won’t even talk to her today,” Taz says confidently.
Delzy raises an eyebrow at him, “Do you even believe the bullshit you spew?”
“I choose to,” Taz replies firmly. “Yes.”
We share a laugh at how ridiculous Taz can be. I needed this time with the boys. In a matter of a week, I’ve had to deal with Kerri re-entering my life, and I’ve become engaged. Not that I’d admit it to them, but I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not sure where we’ll live or how it will be once I’m working for my father-in-law. I don’t even have a ring for Lauren yet. But deep down, I’m confident that everything will work out exactly how it’s supposed to.