Page 2 of Your Love (Merrimack Mavericks Hockey #3)

Chapter 2

"Over My Head"

Kerri - Age 24, 1994

A s soon as I enter the room, I toss my key onto the bed and make a beeline for the bathroom. As I pass by, I can’t help but glance at the spacious soaking tub. With the throbbing pain in my knee, it might be a better option than a shower. The thought of cleaning my wound makes me cringe, but maybe soaking in warm water will help alleviate some of the pain.

I reach for a bottle of water and three Ibuprofen before turning on the faucet in the tub, letting the water run as hot as I can bear it. I pop the pills into my mouth and swallow them with a large gulp of water before tossing my clothes into a messy pile on the tiled floor and stepping into the bathtub. My skin itches as it takes a few moments to adjust to the scalding water as I begin slowly sitting down. My hands and hip sting from minor cuts, but my knee throbs with intense pain as it meets the hot water. My heart races as it reacts to the wound, but eventually, I become accustomed to the sensation.

I soak in the tub for what feels like hours, until the water cools from scalding lava-hot to almost too-tepid. I’ve already finished my bottle of water, and although I haven’t eaten anything in almost a full day, the mere thought of food churns my stomach. So instead of ordering room service, I change into the plush cotton robe provided and climb into bed.

Even though I’m exhausted, sleep is out of reach, so I lay on my side and stare out into the night through my open curtains. My mind is racing, replaying the events of the day like a movie montage. But when I try to envision the future, there is nothing but an empty, desolate void.

With a groan, I sit up and swing my legs off the bed. I have some important tasks to complete. I need to call the airlines and secure my return flight, but that’s not something I want to deal with now. I’ll call in the morning.

I also need to reach out to my friends and catch them up with this fiasco. As a strong unit for the past several years, this affects them as well.

Damn. Is there anyone I didn’t fuck over today?

A quick glance at the clock reveals that it’s already 9:17 p.m. in Hawaii, while in both Denver and Edmonton, it’s 1:17 a.m. My friends have probably been asleep for hours. I contemplate letting it go until tomorrow but decide to gamble on them not answering and being able to leave a brief message about what happened. Once I return home, I’ll call and fill them in on the details. It’s cowardly, but it’s better than having to confess everything tonight.

I call Sascha first, knowing she works in the morning and Taz has early practice, so they should be asleep. After two rings, I’m certain it will go to voicemail, but then a muffled voice answers with a tired, “Hello?”

I curse under my breath. Of course, they have caller ID and will see an unknown number if I hang up, leading to an inevitable callback and more drama than we already have here.

“Hey, Sash!” I say, mimicking my cheeriest voice.

“Ker-Bear?” She asks sleepily.

“Yep, it’s me. Look, I didn’t mean to wake you up. I was going to leave you a message.” Half asleep or not, Sascha Bell has a bullshit meter more fine-tuned than Daddy’s tractor. I need to say this and get off the phone as soon as possible.

“Why wouldn’t you want to speak to me?” She accuses.

The underboob sweat from earlier is returning. “I know it’s late, and I didn’t want to bother you. I just thought I’d tell you that I, um…”

“That you what?” she asks, now fully awake and invested in the conversation. A voice beside her grumbles sleepily.

“Is that Kerri? Is she okay?” Taz asks sleepily.

“That’s what I’m about to find out,” she replies. “But I need to pee first, so say ‘hello’ to her.”

I try to cut her off quickly. “No, Sascha. That’s not necessary. I don’t want to—“

“Heeeelllooo?” He sings-songs, and even though I didn’t want to chat with him, Taz has always had a way of making me smile.

“Hey, Taz,” I reply with the first genuine smile that graced my lips in the past day.

“What have you gotten yourself into now, Daisy Duke?” Uggh. He loves that nickname. The more I show him I hate it, the more he leans into it, so I ignore it as much as I can.

“I did something really stupid,” I admit.

“I’m familiar with the concept,” he jokes. “Tell me what you did.”

“It’s weird and awkward and horrible. I’m so embarrassed.”

“You went to Hawaii, didn’t you?” he asks matter-of-factly.

My mouth drops open in disbelief. “How could you have possibly guessed that?”

“It’s what I would do,” he replies casually, and I’m unsure if that should make me feel better or worse.

“Also,” he continues, “Remember how when we were in high school, some people thought Sash was a witch?”

“Yeah,” I say apprehensively, fearing what might come next.

“Well, I kind of think she is. And we have all this sex, and I think it’s turned me into a warlock.”

And there it is.

“Yeah, I don’t think it works like that,” I tell him with another laugh. “But seriously, how did you know I came to Hawaii?”

“I know Landry went to elope,” he replies. “Horrible idea, by the way.”

“He told you?”

“He told me and Delzy. We both tried to talk him out of it. I don’t like that woman. She’s not right for him,” he says seriously.

I should take comfort in those words, but instead, it makes me sad that no one in Landry’s life supports his decision.

“So what happened?” Taz asks.

“He doesn’t want me,” I cry as tears begin to run down my cheeks again.

“Did he say that?”

“He told me to leave, so I tried to run, but then I fell, so I kept running, and now I’m stuck in this resort and I can’t afford it, and I don’t know what I’m going to do.” The words all run together in a jumbled mess of sounds, whimpers, and snorts.

“Take a deep breath.” He reminds me. “Here’s what you’re going to do. Use my credit card and stay for a week. Regroup. Refocus.”

“Taz, I can’t stay here. Landry and Lauren are here. It’s insane.”

“No, they were planning to go to the Big Island tomorrow. You’ll be safe.”

“I don’t think it’s such a good idea,” I say softly.

“It is,” Sascha assures me.

“How long have you been back?” I ask.

“Long enough to hear Taz offer you some much-needed time on your own to think and figure out the future.”

“I can’t take his money.”

“Well, I sure as hell can,” she says with a laugh. “And I’m giving it to you. Hang on, I’m going to call Ivy.”

The dreaded three-way calling. I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse. Soon enough, I hear Sash say something about ‘flash’, and then Ivy’s sweet voice fills the line. “Hi, everyone,” she says much too cheerfully for someone who recently woke up.

“Hi, Ivy,” I say with a sigh. “Welcome to my intervention.”

“I’m here, too,” Delzy yells.

Of course you are, I think to myself.

“Great, since we’re all here, let’s do the short version. I tried to stop Landry’s wedding. It didn’t work. He hates me. I’m stuck here until tomorrow, at which point I have no idea how to move forward with my life. Now we’re all caught up.”

“I think you’re being too hard on yourself,” Ivy offers.

“I agree,” adds Delzy. “Plus, that chick is a real bit- Ow! Why did you hit me, Ivy Girl? We all think so.”

“I feel horrible, you guys. I have no idea what I’m doing.” I fall back on the bed in dramatic fashion. I haven’t known what I’m doing for years, so this feeling is sadly familiar.

“Look, we’ve all had big decisions and crossroads to face in our lives. This one is yours,” Taz offers.

“When did you get so wise?” I ask.

“It’s the warlock thing.”

“What warlock thing?” Delzy asks.

“DON’T ASK!” Sascha and I say in unison, which causes the group to release a collective chuckle.

“So, stay, relax, lie on the beach, drink Mai Tais, and figure stuff out,” Sash says.

“I think it’s a great idea,” Ivy replies.

“Okay, if you guys think so.”

“We do,” Sash and Ivy say in unison.

“You don’t hate me?”

“Never, Ker-Bear,” Sascha says. “We love you just like we love Landry. You can’t undo what’s happened in your past. Nothing changes with us.”

I can’t help but cry harder when I think about how I have the best friends I could ever ask for. “Okay,” I say. “I’ll go down to the front desk tomorrow and see if I can stay longer.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sascha says. “Taz will handle it.”

“You are the best friends,” I cry. “I love y’all so much.”

“We love you, too,” Ivy says. “Call us in a day or two and let us know how you’re doing.”

“I will,” I reply. “Goodnight, everyone.”

A chorus of “goodnights” and “we love yous” ring out over the line before I hang up.

I sink into the plush comfort of the bed, thoughts swirling in my head like the storm I caused today. My heart aches, yet I’m filled with so much gratitude for the people I met when I moved to Merrimack before the end of my senior year of high school.

Every day with them has been an adventure full of laughter, inside jokes, and shared memories. Even through the distance and various stages of our lives, we’ve maintained our friendships, which is something I’m very proud of. I think it’s because each one of our personalities is unique and complements the others perfectly. One trait we all share, no matter what, is loyalty—loyalty to one another and to the people we love. That’s why we’ve managed to stay close for so long.

Corey Delacour is our unofficial leader. It’s not a job he asked for and probably not one he wants, but he radiates a natural confidence that draws people in. He is who he is, and he doesn’t apologize for it. It’s that way on the ice and in life. Delzy’s self-assured and level-headed, and he’s an example of how someone can make anything of their life. He sees that possibility in others, as well. A perfect example—while most people in school dismissed Ivy as a strange outcast, Delzy noticed beyond her quirky exterior and rumored unusual past and gently coaxed her out of her shell. And when she wasn’t ready to move with him to Boston, he patiently waited for her for years on end. That devotion is a testament to his character, something lots of people lack these days.

Ivy is the tough one in our group. You wouldn’t guess that considering we hang out with hockey players, but it’s true. She is a survivor with a strength that few can match. After she was kidnapped as a child, it was her sheer will and intelligence that kept her alive. She endured countless days and nights trapped in a cult and was forced to witness unspeakable acts of violence. Later, when she finally broke free, she created a happy life for herself, never letting those years define her. She recently wrote a book that shared her story with the world, and that took unimaginable courage.

Every group has a clown. Our group has Taz. He’s hilarious, always ready with a joke or witty remark to lighten the mood. He didn’t have the easiest path growing up, but he responded by developing a carefree demeanor and sharp wit. He’s an amazing hockey player and, surprisingly, a great friend, knowing how to be sensitive when he needs to be. And when it comes to his girlfriend, Sascha, his love is abounding. There is literally nothing that man wouldn’t do for her.

Speaking of Sascha—she’s our fearless sentry standing guard over our group. No one is a champion for the underdog more than Sash. Her core values are fairness and justice, and she will go to the ends of the Earth for those without a voice. She exudes a strong sense of self that I admire, much like Delzy. Her relationship with Taz is full of joy and laughter, and she threatens to punch him in the throat on occasion. It works perfectly for them.

Me, well I’m just a simple farm girl from Texas who was forced to move to Merrimack at eighteen-years-old. I love my family, friends, animals, and a man who can’t love me back. Not anymore. I waited too long, and I took him for granted. Someone else recognized all of his wonderful, and now I’ve lost him. So, who am I really? Now, I’m not so sure. I guess that’s something I’ll be thinking about for the next week.

And then there’s Landry. My Landry. He’s quiet, only offering words when he feels they can provide something to the conversation. Unlike Taz, he doesn’t talk just to talk, and unlike Delzy, he maintains a mysterious, guarded nature. He doesn’t do it on purpose—he’s just not bothered to let too many people into his world. He’s a perfect goalie, standing guard alone —just him and his thoughts. He’s probably the most mild-mannered of us all until he’s not. If you hurt someone he loves, then you best better get the hell out of the way.

My relationship with Landry is difficult to define. From the moment we met, there was a spark between us. Everyone knew it. It was undeniable. But I had just escaped a toxic relationship and was determined to focus on myself for a while. He was unsure what to do about college and hockey. So we settled on friendship, but we both knew the possibility of more was always in the background.

Then we hit a snag—the more time we spent together, the more that friendship blossomed into more, despite both of us trying to stifle it. For a very brief period of time, I had everything I wanted with him—and it was perfect. Then something happened that changed everything. I couldn’t control it, but my actions in the aftermath, while understandable and potentially necessary, certainly didn’t help. And now he’s gone, and I’m going to have to learn to live with that.

But right now, I don’t want to think about the future. I want to spend some time reminiscing about the past and how this all came to be. I want to remember everything, the good and the bad, before I’m forced to move forward in a direction I never thought possible.