Page 64 of You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty
Alim was just returning to the room, still in his running clothes. He sat on the bed and leaned toward her, his torso in a graceful swoop as he propped himself up on his elbow. “How are you feeling, sweetness?”
Feyi wanted to smile to reassure him, but she couldn’t quite pull it off. “A little better,” she said. “You really didn’t have to clean all that up, I could’ve done it.”
Alim stroked her cheek, a gesture that was quickly becoming familiar to her, and it made her heart tighten with a confusion of feelings. It felt unreal that he was here, right here, touching her and looking at her with those eyes of his. What was he seeing, and how could it be so far away from what Nasir now saw her as? Wasn’t she both those people, whoever Alim was falling for, the woman Nasir now hated? She was guilty of everything. Just thinking about it had her fighting back tears.
“Hey, hey.” Alim tilted up her chin as she dropped her head, trying to hide her face. “Talk to me.”
Feyi shook her head, pulling away and hugging her knees to her chest.
Alim hesitated. “Do you … do you want to go home?”
To her surprise, there was a fraction of uncertainty in his voice. She looked up at him through wet eyes, but Alim’s face was shifting between emotions too quickly for her to trace.
“After today,” he said, “I would understand if you changed your mind, if you wanted to leave. Or if you didn’t want to do this anymore. It was … unconscionable what happened.”
A corner of her mouth quirked. “I think a lot of people would disagree with you. In fact, I think a lot more would say I had it coming.”
“Feyi …”
“Are you sure you want me here?” She kept her voice clipped, so it wouldn’t show the fear hiding under her tongue. “And I need you to think about that, for real. Because this is serious, Alim. Nasir wasn’t supposed to find out about us like this, it’s literally the worst possible way this could have gone, and things are gonna get much worse.” She’d explained to him how Mr. Phillip had been the one to break the news to his kids.
Alim’s eyebrows drew together. “I’ve been serious about this from the start, Feyi. We’ve talked about this.”
“I’m just saying.” Feyi didn’t know why she was being so spiky to him. He hadn’t done anything, other than set his life on fire for her, which she hadn’t asked him to do.
“I want you here. But I want you to be okay more than anything, Feyi. Tell me what you need.”
“It’s not me!” she shouted, and somehow, she was crying again. “You’re the one acting like this isn’t a big deal, like me being here is a good idea, and now you keep shoving this option of me leaving down my throat, like what, so it can be my choice? You can just ask me to go, it’s fine! I get it.”
Alim climbed on the bed to get closer to her. “Feyi, what on earth are you talking about?”
She shook her head, wiping the tears off her face. “It’s fine. You don’t have to keep pretending.”
“I’m not pretending, I’m—” He took her shoulders, asking her to look at him. “I’m here, Feyi. I’m here. Why are you trying to make me go away?”
“Why do you keep asking me if I want to leave?”
“Because I don’t know if you’ll want to stay, if you’ll still feel comfortable here. My son was—was violent to you today.” Alim’s face glitched with pain and shame as he said the words. “I wasn’t here to stop him. I couldn’t protect you, and, sweetness, I never want you to feel unsafe. I’m trying to ask you how you feel, and yes, I thought there was a chance you might want to leave.”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“No.” Alim ran a hand through his hair, agitated. “I don’t. I want you here, I want you. I want to fall asleep with your skin against mine. I want to do everything I can to make sure no one ever hurts you again. I want to wake up and see your face in the sunrise.”
Any other time, Feyi would have been swayed by his words, but this time she wouldn’t even look at him. Why would Alim want someone who brought this much drama into his life? How much of what Nasir said was true?
Alim sat back on his heels, deflating a little. “But I’ve been very clear about this, and that’s not the real problem, is it?”
Feyi wanted so badly to glance over at him, but she was too scared of the ball she’d started rolling.
“You don’t believe me,” he said, and there was a stirring of pain and surprise in his voice. “You don’t believe I’m telling the truth.”
“I believe you think you’re telling the truth,” she said, her voice small but stubborn. “Like maybe that’s how you feel now. But when this shit with Nasir continues, because it’s not going anywhere anytime soon, I don’t know if you’ll feel the same.”
Alim exhaled. “I don’t even—” He broke off and got up from the bed. “I can’t force you to believe me, Feyi. That’s a step you have to make off the cliff yourself.” He looked at the time and plucked his shirt away from his skin. “I need to take a shower. But I’m here, and I’m listening.”
He waited a beat for her to respond, then started heading for the bathroom when she didn’t, pulling his shirt off over his head. Feyi watched him from beneath her eyelashes, the way his shoulder blades shifted under his skin as he lifted his arms, the valley of his spine, his ribs, the skin stretching over all of it, scarred at his hands and forearms from a life in the kitchen. Alim tossed his shirt on an armchair and each movement was just casual grace spilling all over the place, his long legs as he walked, the lazy flick of his arm, the way his neck turned.
“Wait,” she said, before he went into the bathroom.