Page 52 of You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty
Alim rolled back his shoulders and stood up from the bed. “It could never be just a kiss with you, Feyi.” He took a step toward her, and then another. “And even if we hadn’t stopped, it could never be just that, or just one night, or just one week, or one month.”
All Feyi’s bravery melted into nothing as he came closer and closer to her.
“A lot of people have come up this mountain,” he was saying. “You’re the first one I don’t want to let back down.”
“I have to go home at some point.”
Alim’s eyes crinkled. “I’d go with you.”
“Your restaurant is here,” Feyi answered, falling back on automatic logic to avoid the full weight of what he’d just said.
Alim shrugged. “I’m me. I can cook anywhere in the world I want.” He stopped in front of her and smiled, full and radiant. “I’d cook anywhere in the world for you.”
He was making it sound too easy, too sweet. It didn’t make sense. This couldn’t be happening. “Why today?” she asked. “What made you not care about hurting Nasir today?” It wasn’t a fair question, but they were blood and she wasn’t.
Alim didn’t flinch, but the sorrow returned to his eyes. “I don’t want to hurt my son,” he answered, after a pause.
“You’re going to. We’re going to. Fuck, Alim, we already have.”
He sighed and reached out to cup her face in his hands. Feyi tried her best not to feel despair clutching at her ankles and calling from deep water.
“I didn’t plan it,” he said, and Feyi wrapped her fingers around his wrists, feeling the gathered bones, the soft tissue pulsing in between, her eyes searching the depths of his.
“I didn’t, either,” she said. “I was going to leave, you know? I was going to have Pooja put me up in a hotel, so I could be out of both your lives before he even came back.” Now she definitely felt like crying. “Why did you have to kiss me?”
Alim’s mouth curved into a shadow of a smile. “I made a choice,” he admitted. “You were standing in my arms, in my home, and I have been fighting this for weeks, Feyi. Badly, perhaps, but fighting it nonetheless.” He stroked the pads of his thumbs across her cheekbones. “I was here minding my business, you know, a successful recluse, and then this loud and beautiful woman comes into my home, into my garden, comes with me to the sunrise, and utterly blindsides me. You are so generous with your heart. You were like light. I couldn’t help but to turn my face to you if I wanted to keep living.”
It was hard to catch a full breath. “What was the choice?” she asked. “What made you decide today was different?”
Alim released her face and took her hands in his. “A moment of clarity,” he said, “with you so close to me.” He exhaled a deep breath. “When I lost Marisol—when we lost Marisol, I made sure I was everything for Nasir and Lorraine.” He glanced down at her, and Feyi saw old and new griefs weaving together on his face. “For twenty years, I’ve given them everything I had, put them before everything else. All my work has been to carve a place in the world for them. I don’t regret a second of it, they’re my beloveds, pieces of Marisol and me out in the world. But now …”
Feyi felt goose bumps race up her arms and thighs as Alim slid a hand into her braids, his palm against the back of her head as he looked intently at her.
“God forgive me for this selfishness,” he said, his voice rough. “I know it will break Nasir’s heart. But I’ve seen the way you look at me—”
“I did lick mango foam off your finger.”
Alim barked out a laugh. “You broke me. I’d wondered before then, but I wasn’t sure.”
Feyi blushed. “Still can’t believe I did that,” she muttered.
He smiled at her. “I’m glad you did. And then today, I blinked, and you were in my arms, and all I could think was that I’ve spent a significant amount of time trying to change what I feel into something else, and I can’t. I am so tired of denying myself, Feyi. Not even for my children. Not after giving up Devon. There’s not enough life to keep living like that, so yes, it will hurt my son, but I want you. I want you for myself, and that, that is why I kissed you.”
Feyi felt like she was back to hallucinating all this. “First of all,” she said, trying to pump the brakes. “You don’t really know me. I don’t really know you, so what are we even talking about?”
“We never really know anyone,” Alim replied with an easy shrug. “And I want to spend an obscene amount of time discovering you. It’s honestly half the fun.”
She didn’t laugh. “Alim … this is not going to be fun. They’re going to hate us.”
The sorrow was like a weight he kept trying to throw off, but it kept coming back, marking lines in his face.
“I know,” he said. “It’s going to be hard and difficult and possibly some of the most painful conversations I’ve ever had with my children since their mother died. But you know what, Feyi?”
It was ridiculous how much she loved to watch him smile, even through the heaviness he was carrying.
“I think it could be worth it, even just the attempt.”
She wasn’t sure she believed him. “Even if this goes nowhere?”