Page 16 of You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty
Milan’s face creased up in a smile. “Facts.” He sounded a little relieved, and Feyi decided to let the moment stay as it was, pleasant and close to sweet.
She touched his arm and smiled back. “I hope things work out with your girl. I’m gonna go find Nasir and Joy.”
“It’s always good to see you, Feyi. Don’t be a stranger.”
It felt too much like a goodbye. “Hey, maybe we’ll all go on a double date,” she said, wondering if they ever would. Maybe it would be awkward as hell, or maybe it would be something else.
Milan laughed. “Wouldn’t that be something. Stay sexy, mama.”
They hugged once more, then Feyi left, slipping between the crowd as she made her way toward the stage. Moses was singing into three microphones, layering his voice over itself, eerie and beautiful. A bright halo of light shone behind his head. Feyi could see Nasir’s face in the audience, the sharp line of his jaw, the black of his hair. When she came up to him, he pulled her back into the circle of his arm and dropped a kiss on her temple, like she’d barely left, like she was back where she should be. It felt too easy, and Feyi wondered if she should be more on guard, more careful. Just then, Nasir bent to speak into her ear.
“Isn’t this amazing?” he said, and Feyi looked around. The air was threaded with music, with the ache of a violin and the warp of Moses’s voice as strangers gazed up at him, entranced. Joy was laughing at something Tolu had said, her face split open with amusement, her eyes warm. It was a fiercely alive moment, down to the flesh of Nasir’s arm around her, and although Feyi didn’t answer him, she reached for his other arm and pulled it around herself, and they stood there, caught up in each other.
• • •
Over the next few weeks, Feyi discovered that things with Nasir almost were that easy. He made no secret of his attraction and interest in her, but he kept it light at the same time, flirty and warm, never trying to push it further. He didn’t even mind when she kept avoiding the studio visit by coming up with excuses or just sidestepping it altogether. Feyi couldn’t stop being suspicious at first, waiting for when he’d cross the line, when his act would drop and his real face would twist out into the light, but then they went on more dates, spent more time together, and the moment never came.
One night, both of them fell asleep on the couch after bingewatching Black Mirror, Nasir’s head weighted on Feyi’s shoulder. Joy took a picture of them on her way out to meet her married lover and texted it to Feyi. Y’all are too cute, Joy had said, and Feyi had stared at the picture, at his lashes against his skin, the calm on her face. They looked good together; they looked like friends, like they were safe with each other.
If she wasn’t seeing it for herself, she wouldn’t have believed that someone like him—or any guy, really—would be okay with how close to platonic this was. Maybe he’d think she was leading him on, if this didn’t end up where he wanted, or maybe this was just her using him for emotional intimacy, a convenient kind of comfort, someone who was easy to hold. Nasir had said that it was fine to go slow, sure, but this was glacial. The worry, once it crept in, kept growing, taking up more space, until Feyi had to do something about it. She and Nasir had just finished seeing a movie together and were stepping back out into the street when she pulled him aside, under an awning.
“Hey,” she said. “Are you sleeping with anyone?”
Nasir took a half step back. “Damn, okay!”
“It’s cool if you are.” Feyi kept her voice steady, praying he wouldn’t lie to her, praying he wasn’t waiting for something she wasn’t sure she could give him. “I just wanted to know.”
Nasir rubbed the back of his neck but met her eyes. “Well, kinda. There’s this girl I hook up with once in a while, but it’s just a casual thing. No strings.”
Somehow, it was the perfect answer. Feyi exhaled, relieved. “Okay, good.”
Nasir raised an eyebrow. “Good?”
She reached out and adjusted the collar of his jacket. “I mean, I’d feel bad if you weren’t getting laid because of me.”
That light energy between them was always easy to find, like sunshine scattering clouds.
Nasir caught her hand and kissed the scar on her palm. “You are … so thoughtful,” he teased. “Thinking about not just me but my dick.”
“What can I say? I’m generous like that.”
He laughed as they kept walking, and a passing streetlight caught on his smile, glinting off his teeth. Feyi loved seeing him laugh. He did it so freely, with his throat thrown back and his mouth wide. She slid her arm through his, and they walked a few more blocks in an easy silence before Nasir spoke again.
“I got a question for you, too.”
Feyi squeezed his arm. “Shoot.”
“You gonna let me see your studio or nah?” His face was half turned to her and serious. “It’s cool if not—”
“No, no.” Regret shot through Feyi. She’d been pushing him away, and he didn’t deserve that. “I want you to see it.”
Nasir stopped, and uncertainty flickered across his face, so swift and surprising that Feyi barely caught it. “You sure?” he asked, and his voice was steady. Light draped across his cheekbone, and Feyi felt a rush of affection tighten her chest. She let it carry her and stepped out into the road, flagging down a cab.
“Come on,” she said, opening the door. “Let’s go.”
He laughed. “Right now?”
“Yes, nigga, right now. Get in.” She climbed into the car after him and shut the door, giving the cross streets to the driver. Nasir watched her as the car pulled off and shook his head, taking her hand in his across the vinyl seat.