Page 11 of You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty

“You look amazing,” he said.

Feyi shrugged. “You look aight,” she replied, and his laugh unfurled something warm in her chest.

“I’ll take it,” he said, pulling the car out into the street.

• • •

“So,” Nasir said, after they’d put in their orders at the restaurant, some bougie farm-to-table place everyone kept talking about. “Joy told me you’re not looking for a relationship, probably just something light and fun, and I’ve been wondering why ever since.”

Feyi tore off a piece of bread from the basket and slathered a dab of herb butter on it. “What’s there to wonder about?”

“Look, no judgment. We’re all around the same age, right? I just turned twenty-seven.”

“Twenty-nine,” she said. So, he was younger. Interesting.

“Close enough. And I feel like either people spent their early twenties fucking around and are thinking about if they should settle down, or they were in a relationship that whole time and are catching up now.”

“That’s a whole lotta generalizations.”

Nasir made a face. “Fair enough. I don’t really care about other people. Just been wondering, why you against a relationship … like, some guy fuck you over, or what?”

Feyi narrowed her eyes, focusing on her bread. He was asking pointed questions, and it wasn’t the question she minded as much as the assumptions he was wrapping around it. “So, some guy had to have fucked me over for me to not want a relationship now?” she asked, not bothering to keep the bite out of her voice.

“Ah, fuck. I didn’t mean that—” Nasir took a deep breath. “Let me try again. I’m dating because I’m interested in being in a long-term committed relationship. I’m a little nervous because Joy seemed to make it clear that you’re … not. And I’m being hella clumsy right now in trying to find out why, okay? I’m sorry.”

Feyi looked at him for a few moments, partly just because it was nice to see him squirm. He was sounding surprisingly old-fashioned for someone who hadn’t opened her car door for her.

“Look,” she said finally. “I could tell you the real story, but I don’t think you want that. Most people don’t. Y’all want the simple explanation. I’m bitter and jaded and fucking around because of it, or I’m a party girl who just doesn’t want to settle down, or I’m just a ho. Everyone prefers something that’s easy to swallow.”

“I’m not Milan.”

Feyi raised her eyebrows. “Whoa there.”

Nasir shrugged. “I know my friend. He’s dealing with some heavy shit with those kids he works with, day in, day out, and he runs away from anything else that’s got some weight to it. I’m not him. I want the real thing. I don’t need it to be light and easy.”

She wondered if he was telling the truth. She was almost sure he was just talking shit. Take a chance, Joy’s voice said in her head. Don’t run.

“All right, then. Since you asked for it.” Feyi put her hands in her lap, resting them against the smooth white napkin. It had been so long since she’d talked about this to someone new. Milan had never asked enough questions to get here in the weeks they’d been involved, and she’d been grateful for it. Feyi wasn’t even sure where to start at first, but she wanted to keep it short. So, the beginning and then the end, skip the in-between. Nasir’s eyes were fixed on hers as he listened.

“His name was Jonah. We’d been together off and on since high school. Got married right out of college.”

Nasir smiled. “That’s sweet,” he said. “You don’t get to hear many stories like that anymore.”

Feyi tried to smile, but her face couldn’t quite get there. “Yeah, um …” She took a deep breath, hating the tears that were already trying to show up. “We were in a car accident five years ago. Nothing much happened to me, but Jonah … Jonah died.” She shrugged and didn’t look up at him. The table and her plate were already a blurry mess behind the tears. “That’s the end of the story.” Feyi pressed her napkin to her eyes. “Jesus. Sorry.”

Nasir reached across the small table and touched her arm, his voice gentle. “No, don’t be. And thank you for sharing that with me, and I’m sorry if I pushed too hard.”

Feyi ignored his apology. She was the one pushing herself, trying new things, telling old stories. “Yeah, well. It’s not the best first-date material. More like a third date, or really, a never-bring-it-up kinda thing.” She laughed shakily and blinked the rest of the tears away.

“You okay?” Nasir’s worry was almost palpable.

“I’m fine,” she lied. “But yeah, I haven’t wanted to date seriously since, and Joy took it upon herself to try and get me out on the scene again. Milan was the first person I dated since, and that was only a few months ago.” She folded the napkin in her lap. “Light and simple is all I’ve been able to handle.”

Nasir nodded. “I hear you. Let’s just … take it slow, then? Like incredibly slow-motion slow. Like, friends first, maybe?”

Somehow, he sounded like he meant it.

Feyi smiled at him, feeling surprisingly raw and tender. “I’d like that.”