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CHAPTER SIXTEEN

MARLEE

Me

Important question. Like, life or death over here. Don’t judge me.

Ledger

LOL. Literally already judging but proceed.

Me

Is cheese bad for you if you’re trying to get pregnant?

Ledger

…like morally or…?

Me

Are you mocking me?

Ledger

I would never.

Me

Because I just ate brie and then I googled soft-cheese-and-fertility-and now I may or may not be spiraling!

Ledger

Deep breath babe. Last I checked, eating cheese is not a crime nor a death sentence.

Me

But is it a WOMB SABOTAGING CRIME?

Ledger

You ate cheese, Mar. You didn’t swallow laundry detergent or chain smoke like your life depends on it.

Me

But this one forum says soft cheese = bacteria = toxic uterus = barren wasteland!

Ledger

Uh…that escalated quickly.

Me

I just wanted a yummy snack, Ledge! I was in the mood for cheese and I knew I had brie and some crackers and now I feel like I might have ruined our chances.

Ledger

Please. Tell me again that I’ll get another chance to fuck you into oblivion.

Me

Okay, while that made me smile, I feel you’re missing the point here.

Ledger

I don’t think one charcuterie board is going to ruin your dreams of conceiving. Unless this baby has a personal vendetta against cheese…or dairy in general.

Me

Oh God, I must be craving pretty badly because I just read vendetta as Velveeta. Also, if our baby ends up hating cheese I will need a lengthy moment of silence to mourn my happiness.

Ledger

If there’s a baby in you right now, I’m pretty sure it’s like…four cells big so I think you’re safe from any major dairy opinions at the moment.

Me

Phew. *stuffs my face with all the cheese I can find just in case*

Ledger

That’s my girl.

Me

Why are you being so calm and rational about all this?

Ledger

I’m balancing you out. It’s a delicate hormonal ecosystem we’re building.

Me

Okay but for real. Am I allowed to have soft cheese or should I stay away?

Ledger

If it’s pasteurized, you’re safe. If it’s unpasteurized… *GIF of Ted Lasso cringing* How bougie was this cheese?

Me

Trader Joe’s.

Ledger

You’re golden. Trader Joe’s would never do you dirty like that.

Me

I’m keeping this text forever and reading it aloud whenever I start to panic-snack so thank you.

Ledger

Great. I’ll record an official PSA: “Hi, I’m Ledger, and I approve this cheese.”

Me

I’m officially obsessed with you. Even if you’re a weirdly pro-cheese lobbyist right now.

Ledger

It’s about damn time. I’ve been obsessed with you since you started dating that guy with the weird pointy nose who used to always peg his pants. I’m glad the eighties called and took him back though.

Me

LOL I can’t with you.

Ledger

Not that I’m judging. This is me, not judging your old dating habits. I’m here for you, babe. You, me, and your adorable anxiety-ridden dairy spiral. Now go eat some crackers and chill. I’ve got your back. And more brie when you want it.

M y head is throbbing.

My stomach isn’t loving the grilled chicken salad I ate for lunch, everything in my office today is either too bright or too loud, and my boobs…

good God, my boobs. If someone were to tell me that itchy nipples are a thing, I would’ve laughed in their face even two days ago, but today?

Today it feels like some little creature is inside my boobs grasping whatever invisible strings are attached to my nipples and the little shit is tugging on them relentlessly.

Yeah.

Nipple gnomes.

That’s a visual nobody needs.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve shoved my hand down my shirt to pinch my nipples in hopes of easing the itchy-tingly sensation only to then wince in pain because well, my nipples are fucking sensitive right now.

Also, I’m exhausted. Like, shopping-online-for-an-office-couch-so-I-can-curl-up-and-nap-at-work level exhausted. Because God forbid I go home.

If I go home, I don’t get to watch Ledger practice.

If I go home, I might miss something important and besides, if by chance I end up pregnant this cycle, it’s not like I can just take the next nine months off. I signed up for this. I want to be a mom. So, I have to learn to work through the uncomfortableness.

No pain, no gain, right?

But the world won’t end if I just put my head down for a quick five-minute rest.

And clearly my five-minute rest turns into something a little longer, because when I finally lift my head I find Ella, Layken, Scarlett, and Blakely standing in my office whispering among themselves.

“Wh-what are you guys doing here?”

“Oh,” Scarlett cocks her head and smiles. “Sleeping Beauty is awake!”

Oh. Shit. Was I out that long?

“How long have you guys been here?”

Ella twists her mouth. “Ten? Fifteen minutes maybe?”

Oops.

“Sorry about that,” I tell them, wiping the sleepiness from my eyes. “I haven’t been feeling great today and thought maybe I could get away with a five-minute power nap.” Cringing I tell them, “I guess I didn’t really get away with anything, huh?”

“Well, you would have,” Scarlett explains, “except Layken texted us and told us you looked like shit today and so we’re here on official business.”

I glare at Layken. “Okay first of all, thanks a lot Lake.”

She shrugs. “I only speak the truth, girlfriend.”

“And secondly, what’s the official business?”

Blakely holds up a brown grocery bag. “Operation we’re-not-leaving-here-until-you-pee-on-a-stick.”

My head is shaking. “You guys, it hasn’t been quite two weeks yet. In fact, it’s only been about ten?—”

“First of all, you’ve been munching on Goldfish crackers nonstop.

You have three boxes in your desk. Don’t ask me how I know.

Then you told Layken earlier your stomach was upset and that your boobs feel like dead weights.

” Scarlett ticks off my symptoms on her fingers.

“The lights are turned down in here, you didn’t go to this morning’s practice.

We know because we were there. Lake says you’ve filled up your water bottle no less than four times already today, and…

” She gestures around the room. “We were standing in your office for at least ten minutes and you didn’t even realize it because you were asleep at your desk. ”

“Smells like pregnancy to me,” Ella says.

“What would you know about it?” I giggle, glancing at Ella who pins her hand to her hip.

“Duh, Dr. Marlee, you’ve been googling your symptoms for…what did you say? Ten days?”

Busted.

“And you panic-texted Ledger a few days ago about whether or not cheese was safe to eat if you’re trying to conceive,” Layken adds with a smirk. “I’m sure you can guess where Ledger was when he got that text.”

Fucking Griffin.

“I’m never trusting your husband again.”

“Hey, don’t knock my hot-ass husband.” She cackles. “Ledger was literally standing in our living room when his phone went off. If you could’ve seen how sweet he was about reading your text.” She brings a hand to her chest. “That man has had it bad for you for a long time.”

“I just wanted some brie.”

“Plus,” Layken continues, “Corrigan’s at work so I texted her and told her everything and she said if you’re pregnant it would possibly show up on a test a couple days early sooo…”

Blakely places the brown paper bag on my desk and starts unpacking it. “We brought three kinds of tests. Basic, digital, and the fancy one that practically live-tweets your results. Also ginger ale, saltines, and dark chocolate in case you sob no matter what it says.”

“I don’t know if I should be impressed with how prepared you are or completely freaked out.”

“You love how prepared we are,” Ella confirms, patting my shoulder.

“I don’t…” I shake my head, my shoulders dropping.

“I don’t necessarily feel pregnant. I just feel…

off. Tired. Moody. Weirdly emotional. Like I cried when I pulled into my parking spot because I was inconveniencing this little bird that was eating some crumbs off the ground.

I think my car covered them up and now…now…

” Tears start to well in my eyes. “Well, what if he doesn’t eat the rest of the day because of me? ”

“That’s adorable,” Layken says, eyeing me. “And suspicious.”

“You guys,” I groan. “What if I’m not pregnant and I’m just… losing it?”

Blakely leans closer, her voice surprisingly gentle as she covers my hand with hers. “Then we remind you that you’re human. And also, you’re not allowed to self-diagnose based on Google and a vague sense of doom.”

“Okay. Fine. I’ll do it.”

The ladies clap their hands with giddy, excited smiles on their faces.

“But fair warning: if I pee on my hands, I’m going to be pissy for the rest of the day.”

“Noted.” Ella claps her hands and then pulls the sparkly golden wand she uses when she’s Lumin, the team mascot, from her back pocket. She waves it in front of my belly and chants, “Double or triple the giggles and cries, give this belly lots of babies, tiny and wise!”

“You bite your tongue, woman!” I chastise. “I asked for one baby. That’s it. I am one mom and can handle one baby. Don’t curse me like that.”

Ella laughs and puts her arm around my shoulders as we walk out of her office and down the hall to the bathroom. “Yeah, but you have Ledger now so…” She holds up two fingers. “That leaves room for at least one more.”

Ten minutes later we’re all standing inside the bathroom on the top floor of the arena. I chose the top floor because I didn’t want to chance anyone seeing us or asking us what’s going on.

My fingers shake against my leg as I stand along the wall. “Why does three minutes feel like years ?”

Scarlett looks at her watch. “You still have thirty seconds.”

Layken hands me a chocolate bar. “Emergency serotonin. Just in case.”

“Thanks.” I take the candy bar, unwrap it with an unsteady hand…and stare at the sink where all three peed-on sticks are resting.

Then the timer dings.

We freeze.

My heart pounds inside my chest because even though I know it very likely won’t say anything positive, part of me does feel like things aren’t the same as last month. I feel differently than I did then. I can’t deny that to myself.

Pushing away from the wall, I take a deep breath. “Okay. It’s time.”

Ella grabs my wrist as I step toward the sink. “Wait. Do you want one of us to check it for you?”

“No. If it’s positive, I want to see it first. And if it’s negative…” I shrug. “Then I’ll pretend I’m fine and cry into my pillow when I get home.”

Blakely nods her understanding. “We’re here for you girl. No matter what.”

Blowing out a brave breath, I step up to the sink and lift the first test so I can see the results.

And then I lift the second one.

And then the third.

“Uh…”

My heart thumps even harder in my chest.

Holy shit.

It can’t be.

Can it?

Is that really what it says?

Can these be wrong?

Ella perks up. “ Uh ?! What does uh mean?!”

I turn toward them, all three tests in my hand, my eyes wide, my voice a little shaky as I tell them, “Pregnant. It says pregnant.”

Layken squeals. “It does? Like, for real?”

I nod, lifting the test a little higher so they can see. “It actually says the word. PREGNANT. In all caps.”

Layken shrieks and tackles me in a hug so hard she nearly knocks the tests right out of my hand. “Oh. Em. Gee! Marlee! You’re going to have a baby!”

Pregnant.

All three tests really say it.

It has to be true then, right?

I’m pregnant.

I’m going to have a baby.

Blakely blinks and grins. “Well. Shit. I guess that cheese craving was legitimate.”

My eyes glisten as I stare down at the three different pee-sticks like they’ve just rewritten my whole future. “I can’t believe it. I’m going to…” My throat tightens as I choke on the words I can barely say out loud. “I’m going to have a baby.”

“And not just any baby.” Ella winks. “You’re going to have Ledger Dayne’s baby.”

“Oh, my God,” Scarlett exclaims wide eyed. She grabs my forearm and stares at me. “How are you going to tell him?”

I swallow the huge lump forming in my throat and stare back at her in complete disbelief. “I have no idea but I think I’m gonna need more chocolate first.”