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CHAPTER TWELVE

MARLEE

“ S ave the jizz, Ledger!” I shout in a full-blown panic, looking around to see where the small plastic cup landed. “You have to save it! Save it!”

“I…” He lunges for the cup, picking it up off the ground. His hand is a mess as the sticky goo drips from his fingers. “I can’t.” His sorrowful gaze falls to me as he shows me an nearly empty container. “It’s empty Mar. I’m so sorry. It landed upside down.”

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Shit!

How could this have happened?

Did I…?

What did I…?

How could I have…?

God, this is all my fault.

Falling back on Ledger’s pillow, I squeeze my eyes closed and cover them with my forearm wishing I could be anywhere but right here right now.

A wave of heat falls over my body, causing me to sweat, and there’s a tightness in my chest I can’t recognize.

It suddenly feels like something is choking me and I struggle to catch my breath.

“How could I have been so stupid?” I whimper.

What is happening to me?

Am I going crazy?

No.

I’m fine.

I’m okay.

Breathe.

Everything is going to be fine.

Breathe.

We can just wait another month.

Breathe.

It’s no big deal.

What’s another month when you’ve been waiting years?

We’ll just be in full blown hockey season and we’ll be on the road constantly but it’s fine. We can make it work, right? I’ve waited this long; I can wait again. Ledger will still be willing, right? He won’t get tired of this and walk away, right?

“Not a chance, Mar.”

My eyes fly open and I move my arm to see Ledger hovering over me.

“What?”

He tenderly wipes a few tears from my cheek and softly replies, “I said not a chance. I’m not going anywhere.

” He leans over the bed again grabbing his t-shirt and wiping his sticky hand.

“We can try as many times as you want. And you don’t have to wait until next month. We can take care of this right now.”

“Wait. You heard what I was thinking?” I ask him with dipped brows.

He smiles gently. “When you think your thoughts out loud, yes.”

I shake my head, my chin quivering when his eyes stare into mine, and whisper, “I’m so sorry, Ledger. I didn’t mean to?—”

“Shhh.” He places his soft finger over my lips. “You don’t need to apologize for anything, Marlee. All is not lost. I can still give you what you want. What you need.”

“But—” He stops my words by lowering himself against me and it’s then that it sinks in what Ledger is offering.

He’s offering to give me what I need the old-fashioned way.

He’s offering to fuck me.

“Ledger…”

“Just say the word, Marlee.” He scoops his hand through my hair and brushes his thumb against my cheek as he gazes down at me, the rest of his body held up by his forearms. “I won’t do it without your permission but say the word and we can do this.”

Sex with Ledger.

Would this mean something?

I’ve never slept with a man I didn’t have feelings for.

But also, I’m kidding myself if I pretend there’s nothing between Ledger and me.

I think about him all the time. When he’s in the arena I find a reason to seek him out and watch him.

When he’s off ice he’s found a reason to be near me.

He’s been kinder to me and shown me more compassion in these past six weeks than any man ever has.

He’s never distant, always present when he’s with me, and no matter where we are, work, home, or otherwise, I know I’m safe with him.

“I think every damn thing about you is beautiful.”

Emotion wells in my eyes and threatens to spill over. Hope—fear—something unnamable with the weight of his offer thick in the air.

On a shaky breath I finally part my lips and ask, “What if this changes everything?”

He leans forward. His voice is gentle but certain. “What if it’s supposed to?”

“Ledge—”

“Just say yes, Marlee,” he pleads on a whisper.

“Say yes and I’ll be there with you for every fucking thing.

Every doctor’s appointment. Every mood swing.

Every sleepless night. I’ll be by your side.

Even when it’s messy. You’ll never have to do this alone because you’ll have me. All you have to do is say yes.”

I didn’t plan for this. For him. Not like this.

Not in the soft hush of a darkened hotel room with my heart thudding like it’s trying to speak for me.

But now, lying here underneath him, our bodies touching, something unexpected blooms inside me.

Not lust—though that’s there too—but something gentler, deeper.

It settles in my chest like warmth spreading outward, like the moment before happy tears.

My body is hyper aware of him hovering above me.

The heat of his skin, the steadiness of his breath, the sincerity in his gaze, but it’s my heart that surprises me the most.

It’s surrendering.

Willingly.

Slowly.

Like a dream come true I never saw coming.

My heartrate rises not because of panic or fear this time, but because of trust and certainty that the decision I’m about to make may very well change my life forever.

There’s no need for a declaration or fireworks.

No grand gesture—just the quiet anchoring certainty that if I reach for him, if I say yes, he’ll never let go.

That maybe love doesn’t always show up with drama in its strangest forms. Sometimes it shows up in a dance, a hug, a candy bar, and a voice that says you’re not alone .

And staring up at Ledger, I know I’m not.

Not tonight.

Maybe not ever again.

Slowly, I blink my eyes and latch on to Ledger’s sincere and heated gaze and irrevocably give myself to the one man who will one day be the father of my child.

“Yes.”

“Thank fucking Christ.” That’s all he says before his warm, strong mouth descends on mine.

I prepare myself for Ledger to devour me, but his kiss is just the opposite.

Our lips meet gently, like a question and an answer spoken in tandem.

He brings his hand to cup my jaw, reverent in his movements as our mouths move together.

My fingers itch to curl into his skin, to touch him, hold him, so I slide them around the back of his neck and pull him closer.

He doesn’t allow all his weight to fall on me but feeling his warm body envelop mine only heightens the security I feel when I’m with him.

My lips part and his tongue dips inside as our kiss unfolds—not in a heated rush but in a slow languid dance.

It’s both a get-to-know-you kiss and a kiss of recognition all in one.

It’s not just passionate but memory making.

It’s every moment we didn’t realize or admit we were falling for each other, distilled into a single exchange.

His breath stutters against the edge of my cheek, relief and hunger colliding in his eyes. He pushes a stray hair from my forehead, tender in a way that betrays the acres of muscle and violence I’ve seen him carry on the ice.

“Still with me?” he murmurs.

I nod against him, my eyes waiting for his to open. To see me. And when they do, I wrap my legs around his waist and whisper, “I’ve never been more here.”

He kisses me again—this time deeper, surer—and then slowly peppers kisses across my jaw and down my neck. He sneaks his hand underneath my t-shirt that I’m still wearing and brushes his hand just underneath my breast. My mouth opens and I gasp lightly in anticipation for the touch I know is coming.

The touch I’m desperate for.

When his palm finally covers my breast a pleasured moan escapes my mouth that he captures once again with his.

He gathers me up, pulling the blanket to the side, and his hands come around my hips, warm and sure.

He isn’t hurried, not in the way I remember other men.

He leans in again and this kiss is deeper, more deliberate, and with each press of his lips I feel something relax inside me.

“I want to look at you, Marlee,” he whispers against my mouth. “I want to see you.”

Sitting up momentarily, I allow Ledger to lift the hem of my t-shirt and pull it over my head.

I wasn’t exactly dressed for a night of lustful sex but at least I chose my navy-blue lace bra to wear under my Stars t-shirt for today’s game.

My shirt falls from his hand to the floor as his eyes rake over me appreciatively.

He takes a moment just to look.

To gaze.

To memorize.

As if this might be the only time he’ll get to see me splayed out beneath him. His gaze is direct and unembarrassed, awed, like he can’t believe I said yes.

Like he can’t believe this is happening.

I can’t help but smile at the way he looks at me because Ledger Dayne appreciating my body makes me feel like I’m the eighth wonder of the world.

“You’re so goddamn beautiful Mar.”

“I don’t think any man has ever looked at me the way you’re looking at me right now, Ledge,” I tell him. “You know how to make a woman feel pretty damn special.”

“Baby, I’m going to make you feel like you’re walking on fucking sunshine in a minute. I just wanted to get a glimpse of the body I get to spend the night worshiping before I lose myself in you and forget to come up for air.”

He leans in close and captures my lips once more as he slips a hand behind me and unclasps my bra.

One handed! Impressive.

He tugs at the straps and helps me deposit my clothing to the floor and then lowers me back to his pillow.

Starting again at my lips, he kisses my chin, my jaw, down my neck, and to my sternum.

My chest rises and falls with each breath as he circles his tongue around my right nipple, flicking the hardened peak and then pulling it into his mouth.

“Oh, my God, Ledger,” I breathe, my back arching off the mattress.

My body hasn’t come alive like this in a long time.

“You have fucking gorgeous tits,” he says before he sucks my other nipple into his mouth. Harder this time, he nibbles it with his teeth and I gasp audibly.

“Yes!”

He rolls partially to the side so that he can continue to tease my nipples but also slide his hand between my thighs. When his fingers come in contact with my swollen wet pussy I whimper, and he groans and sucks in my nipple a little harder.

“Jesus fuck, you’re soaking wet.”

“You make me this way, Ledger,” I pant. “Nobody’s touch has ever felt the way you feel.”

“Tell me how I make you feel, Mar. Tell me everything.”

There’s no claiming in his touch. No urgency to possess—only reverence, like he’s learning the shape of something sacred. Every brush of his fingertips against my skin feels intentional, not just seeking pleasure, but understanding my body.

What it likes.

How it responds.

And I feel it all.

“It’s like my body has been holding tension for months…years—and is only now remembering how to let go because of you.”

He moves himself down my body, licking a trail down my abdomen to my pelvis and then to the inside of my thigh. “I’ve been dying to taste you since day fucking one,” he says just before he spreads me wide open with both hands and presses his tongue against my clit.

“Oooh, my, God! Ledger!” I shout, pretty damn sure I’m having an out of body experience.

He takes his time with long lazy strokes through my pussy, lapping at my arousal like he’s memorizing my taste. “Fucking delight. You’re like every dessert I’ve ever had all rolled into one, Marlee.” He moans. “Goddamn delicious.”

No man has ever told me that my pussy is goddamn delicious.

“Ledger, I’m gonna…”

He pulls my clit between his teeth and flicks it with his tongue once, twice, three times.

And then a fourth.

“Fuck! Ledger! Oh, my God! Yes!”

I push my hand through his hair and hold on for dear life as I thrust my hips.

“That’s it baby. Use me,” he mumbles between the swirls of his tongue. “I want you coming on my tongue. I want to feel it. Taste it. Devour it.”

“Ledger!”

Sucking my clit into his mouth he pushes two fingers inside me and curls them against my inner wall right against my G-spot and He. Does. Not. Stop.

My hands grip his hair harder as I thrust against his face and chase what I know without a doubt will be one of the most satisfying orgasms of my life.

“Oh, God…I’m there…Ledger…I’m…I’m…Aaaahhhh!”

Even as my body flies high, Ledger doesn’t stop. He licks me clean and then he’s off the bed in an instant, ripping off his boxer briefs and freeing his massive erection. My eyes bulge. Good God, the size of that thing.

He is everything thick and girthy and I’m actually salivating as I watch him climb back up the mattress between my legs.

“You are everything I’ve ever fucking dreamed of,” he tells me as he leans down with a smile and connects his lips to mine, the taste of me lingering between our mouths. “And if the sound of you coming is the last thing I ever fucking hear, I could die a fucking deliriously happy man.”

“I don’t know where you learned to do all that, Ledger Dayne, and I don’t want to know how many partners you’ve practiced your craft with, but I am forever changed by your ability to give me a life-altering orgasm.”

“That orgasm wasn’t life-altering,” he says as he lifts my legs and places them against his shoulders. “But this next one will be.”

He doesn’t even give me time to register what he just said before he lines his thick cock with my entrance and shoves his way in until he’s balls deep inside me.

And I’m damn sure my soul just left my body.