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CHAPTER SIX

MARLEE

H oly shit.

This is happening.

Like, actually for real happening.

Ledger Dayne is in my bathroom right now and he’s…

He’s getting himself off just for me.

Because I asked him if he would, and he said yes.

I’m minutes away from knocking myself up with Ledger Dayne’s baby.

While Ledger is doing his thing in the bathroom, I slip my panties from underneath my sundress, toss them in my hamper, and then move to my bed.

Lifting the at-home insemination kit from my nightstand, I pull out the packaged syringe I’ll be using to collect Ledger’s sperm from the cup he has.

With a shaky hand, I unfold the directions from the kit and read through them again quietly so I know exactly what I’m about to do.

“You will want to use the donated sperm as soon as possible after receiving it in order to have the best chance at conception,” I murmur softly as I read through the instructions one step at a time.

“Gather the following supplies including a syringe and included fertility friendly lubricant if needed.” I glance at the mentioned tools lying on my nightstand and then continue to read.

“Find a comfortable position on a bed or flat surface. Position a pillow under your hips and raise your legs in the air. This will help the sperm easily reach the cervix. Add small plastic applicator to the tip of syringe.”

I tug the syringe out of its plastic wrapping along with the added applicator, pushing it onto the end as instructed.

“Place the syringe into the cup and draw the sperm into the tube. Once syringe is full, carefully insert it into your vagina. Inject the sperm slowly, leaving the syringe in place for at least thirty seconds while your legs are in the air. This gives the sperm their best chance at reaching the egg.”

As my stomach flutters with nerves, I lower the instructions to my nightstand, releasing a deep breath.

Christ.

Why does this suddenly feel like a do or die moment?

Can I really do this?

What if I mess it up?

I squeeze my eyes closed for a moment, trying to center myself, and focus on the job at hand.

Ledger will be coming out of the bathroom any minute and when he does, I have to be ready to do what I have to do.

“Fuck. Don’t mess this up, Marlee. You can’t mess this up.

Legs in the air. Syringe inside. Leave it in.

Keep legs up. Use pillow. God, how am I supposed to do this to myself? What if I mess it up?”

“Mess what up?”

My eyes spring open and Ledger stands in the bathroom doorway. He’s wearing his shorts, but he’s removed his shirt.

Hmm. I guess that could potentially get in his way.

Also, damn. A shirtless Ledger is a sexy Ledger.

Also, I don’t think I’m going to need the lube.

“Oh, uh. Sorry. I was just…” I shake my head. “Talking to myself. Going over the instructions. It’s a lot is all. Lots to remember and I don’t want to make a mistake.”

Ledger lifts the lidded cup he just filled. “Well, I’ve got the first part done.”

Handing me the cup, I’m surprised at how full it is. I mean it’s not overflowing but damn. Who knew a guy could come that much?

Apparently not me.

Holding the cup in front of my face, my voice trembles as I say, “Wow. Okay. Uh, thanks. Looks like you did good.”

He smiles but doesn’t say anything because what the hell is one supposed to say when you compliment their cum?

Good one, Marlee.

Way to treat him like a kid.

He didn’t color you a picture.

He literally rubbed one out into a cup for you.

Stop messing this up.

“Shit. I’m sorry,” I tell him, completely flustered. “I’m just…”

He cocks his head, watching me. “Nervous?”

“Yeah. A little.” I nod. “Okay, more than a little if I’m being honest.”

“What can I do to help?”

My brows arch and I nearly scoff out a laugh. “Because jacking off into a cup wasn’t enough for me to ask of you?”

He eyes me questioningly but then swallows and softly says, “Don’t worry. You’re not going to mess this up and if something happens, I’m a fucking factory for this stuff.” he gestures to the cup in my hands. “I can make more.”

I place the cup of sperm on my nightstand and pick up the instructions one more time, reading them to myself but also not really reading them at all. It’s more like I’m pretending to read them to give myself a few extra seconds to calm my brain and focus.

“Well, uh,” Ledger starts, “I guess if you don’t need me, I should…” I lift my eyes to his and he hitches his thumb over his shoulder. “I should leave you to it? Or did you want me to wait?”

I want to tell him to stay because I really don’t want to be alone for this but who am I to ask him that? He’s a sperm donor. Nothing more. He never said he wanted to be involved in all the things. And I didn’t ask that of him. I can’t expect him to just bend over backwards for me. That’s not fair.

“No. Yeah, I’m good.” I nod, unsure who I’m trying to convince: him or me. “It’s fine if you want to…”

“Right. Yeah. Okay,” he says, backing away. “I’ll just grab my shirt and…”

“Yeah.”

I watch Ledger step back into the bathroom, feeling the weight of the world settle on my shoulders.

It’s all up to me now.

The most unromantic conception in history.

How did I bring you into the world, Baby? Oh, funny story. This super nice professional hockey player I once knew shot you into a plastic cup and then I injected you up my who-ha through a syringe and bing-bong-bang, there you were.

Okay, okay. We can do this.

Let’s go over this again.

Pillow under ass.

Legs in the air.

Syringe in the vag.

Shoot up.

Stay up.

Hope for the best.

“Marlee?” Ledger’s voice cuts through my thoughts and brings me back to reality.

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Why do you ask?”

He steps closer to me, his brows etched with concern. “Because you’re crying.”

My eyes bulge as I lower myself to the mattress behind me. “What?” I bring my hands to my face shocked that I have to wipe away the wetness of my own tears. “Shit. I’m sorry, Ledger. I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have to see me like this.”

“Hey. It’s okay.” He kneels in front of me, his hand resting tenderly on my thigh. “I’m here for you. Tell me what’s going on. Are you having second thoughts?”

“About having a baby?” I shake my head. “No. I think I want this more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”

“Is it me then?” Ledger asks sincerely. “Because if you don’t want me to be the donor, that’s okay. I can get rid of?—”

“No!” I blurt out before taking a deep breath. “No. I want you to be the donor. And you’ve done all the work already so…”

“Okay, but you’re scared.”

My shoulders fall as do a few stray tears. “Yeah. I’m scared, Ledge. I’ve never done anything like this before and I don’t want to mess it up and disappoint you.”

“Disappoint me?” he asks, genuinely taken aback.

He shakes his head, his brows furrowed. “Marlee, you could never disappoint me. This isn’t even about me.

This is about giving you everything you’ve ever dreamed of.

” He reaches up and softly swipes my tears, his eyes filled with an unwavering warmth. “You want to be a mother, right?”

“Yeah,” I answer through a few sniffles.

“And you asked for my help, correct?”

“You know I did.”

“And I want to do that for you,” he explains tenderly. “How about you let me help you with this next part too so you’re not alone?”

His offer catches me off guard. “What? Help me?”

“Yeah. I can help you do this, Marlee. I’m right here and I’m willing to?—”

“But…”

Oh God.

Could this get any more awkward?

“That would mean you would have to…you know. See things.”

“See things?” he asks, perplexed.

I gesture to my nether region. “Yeah, you know…down there.”

Ledger sits back on his heels and cocks his head, trying to bite back a smile. “Marlee, do you think I’ve never seen a woman’s pussy before?”

Dear God, he just said pussy.

And I’m damn sure my pussy just woke up and took notice.

Also, I’m sure he’s seen plenty in his adult lifetime.

“Trust me, Ledger Dayne, I have no doubt you’ve seen your fair share. I just…I mean…” I let out an exasperated sigh. “I mean, you haven’t seen mine before.”

He lifts a brow and then narrows his eyes. “Is your pussy somehow different from other pussies of the world? Does it do tricks or something I’m not aware of?”

My jaw drops. “Uh…I guess I don’t know how to answer that because I haven’t really seen a lot of pussies in my life if I’m being honest.”

“Well, I have,” he says confidently. “So that makes me somewhat of a professional. And if you’ll trust me, I promise I can help you get this done.”

I cock my head, this time studying his gentle expression and compassionate demeanor.

In any other instance, he’d probably want to boast about how many women he’s seen, touched, tasted, slept with…

whatever. But his demeanor is anything but boastful right now.

Just the opposite actually. He seems one hundred percent sincere.

“And you don’t feel like it’ll be weird?”

He shakes his head. “No weirder than masturbating in your bathroom a few minutes ago while you were basically standing on the other side of the door.”

He has a point.

“Touché.” Inhaling and exhaling a deep breath I ask him one more time, “You’re sure? You would actually be willing to help me?”

“I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t mean it, Marlee. And I promise not to make it weird. If at any time you’re uncomfortable, just say so and I’ll back away and leave you to it. Deal?”

His reassurance makes me feel slightly more at ease.

And it would be nice not to be alone in this whole process.

This is why you chose Ledger to begin with.

Because he’s a nice guy.

And he’s not bad looking either.

He’ll give you a beautiful baby.

“Yeah. Okay. Deal.”

“Good girl. Now let’s get you comfortable.” The warmhearted nature of his voice wraps around my heart, squeezing it with his kindness and compassion.

He called me a good girl.