Page 15

Smiling and giggling like a couple of lunatics high on laughing gas, both of our arms flailing and our bodies bouncing up and down, Ledger and I dance in the middle of his living room, chanting to the fertility Gods.

Honestly, I can’t remember having a more fun time in my entire life.

When we finally tire of our chant, Ledger gives me a high five and then we both fall onto the couch catching our breath and calming our laughter.

Without having to turn my head, I can feel Ledger watching me. “Feel better?” he asks.

I nod, wiping tears of laughter from my eyes. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

“Good. Sometimes a bad day just calls for a little crazy.”

A quick snort escapes my mouth. “Is that what you do when you’ve lost a game and you’re pissed off about it?”

His head falls back in laughter. “Do we bounce around the locker room and chant to the hockey Gods?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

“No. But maybe we should try that.” He chuckles. “Fuck, can you see Barrett Cunningham bouncing around the locker room like that?”

“Oh, my God!” I burst out laughing. “Oh, please make this happen because this is now something I need to witness.”

“I’ll see what I can do. Anything for you, Marlee.”

“Thank you, Ledger.” I inhale a deep, steadying breath as my heartrate slows from our dancing and finally turn my head to glance at him. “Really. Thank you. For today. I think I needed out of my own head for a bit and you helped me do just that.”

His warm honey-colored eyes—a change from the greenish hue they were earlier—stare back at me. “Tell me what’s going on in your head. How can I help change your perspective?”

Shrugging my shoulder, a million thoughts race through my mind, none of them positive.

But if there’s anyone in my life I can tell them to who won’t judge me, it’s Ledger.

We may not have the closest of relationships, but I’ve trusted him this far because he makes me feel safe. And he has yet to let me down.

And he makes me feel like my feelings are valid.

“Promise you won’t laugh or tell me how dumb I am?”

His brows come together. “I would never do that to you, Marlee.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” I murmur, taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly. “Honestly, I’m just pissed at myself. At my body.”

Ledger cocks his head, watching me. “Why? What do you mean by that?”

“I mean just that,” I tell him. “A woman’s body is literally made to carry life.

” I gesture to myself. “This body knows how to grow another human being inside it all by itself, but for whatever reason it doesn’t always work.

My body let me down and it makes me feel…

I don’t know. Broken. Like I’m not good enough.

Like my body isn’t good enough. Like I was dumb to even think this conceiving thing was a good idea.

” I inhale then keep talking. “I know I’m not the tiniest of women.

I’m not a size two and I don’t suck down green smoothies and eat kale chips on the regular.

I enjoy an ice-cold beer with my Harold’s hot dogs.

I don’t work out like I used to in college but I’m not an unhealthy person.

Not that I’m saying weight has anything to do with being able to conceive.

” I huff softly. “I know it doesn’t. My internal negative Nancy is just bouncing down the rabbit hole of insecurities today, I guess.

” I worry my lips and glance at Ledger. “I’m sorry.

This will only last another three to four days or so and then I’ll be back to my regular self again. ”

I pick at a piece of lint on my leg that isn’t even there trying to avoid eye contact but beside me Ledger says, “You want to know what I think?”

A small smile plays on my lips. “Sure.”

“I think your body isn’t broken. It’s perfect,” he starts. “I think every damn thing about you is beautiful.”

Trying not to blush, I nudge Ledger’s arm with my elbow. “Of course you would say that, Ledge. You’re my friend.”

“I’m fucking serious, Marlee.” He turns his body toward me on the couch and brings his fingers to my chin. “Look at me.” When he guides my chin I expect to see an angry expression on his face, but instead I only see…disbelief?

“I’ll be more specific,” he tells me before he swipes his tongue across his lips.

“Your eyes remind me of that part of the night when it’s not totally dark but the stars are beginning to sparkle all over the sky,” he murmurs.

“It’s like a dreamy blue twilight with a hue that changes every time I look at you. It’s mesmerizing and I love it.”

Wow, that’s definitely specific.

“Your cheeks flush right here when you’re nervous or embarrassed, like you must be now,” he says, tracing his thumb against the heated apples of my cheeks.

I don’t know how a simple tender gesture has awakened the southern part of my body so fervently but I’m all of a sudden feeling heat in places I shouldn’t be thinking about right now.

“It’s cute every time. And your nose crinkles right here on the bridge when you’re really laughing.

That’s how I know when you’re genuinely happy. ”

The corners of my mouth turn up when he smooths a finger down the bridge of my nose and then he’s gazing at my hair.

“Your hair always looks pretty whether it’s braided or pulled up in one of those messy buns like it is now. You look adorable when it’s up like that. Like you’re…” He inhales and releases his breath. “Approachable. Easy going. And on a night like tonight, you look absolutely snuggle-worthy.”

Snuggle worthy?

That sounds heavenly right now.

I wonder what it would be like to snuggle with Ledger?

Is he a snuggler?

He must be if he mentioned it.

Does he really notice all those things about me?

And how have I not noticed him paying that close of attention before?

“You have the sexiest curves that any man would be lucky to get the chance to explore.”

Oh, hello.

That’s a compliment I didn’t expect to hear.

He thinks I’m sexy?

“And if the men you’ve been with in the past didn’t spend every opportunity telling you how beautiful you are, then they didn’t and will never deserve you.

” He brings both hands to my face now, cupping my cheeks and piercing my eyes with his own.

“You're stunning —like, stop-traffic, make-time-slow-down kind of beautiful. Not just in the way you look but in your vibe, your presence, the way you carry yourself. You have a glow about you—something magnetic, something that can't be faked. You’ve got that rare kind of beauty that makes people feel something. Like art. Like poetry in motion. And if you were mine, Marlee, I’d want to spend every waking minute showing you what an amazing work of art your body really is.”

Holy hell…

His words…

His heated stare…

My chest rises and falls as my heart beats erratically.

“If I was yours?”

I don’t know what the hell made those words spill out of my mouth just now. Maybe it’s the idea of being his. I’ve never given it any more than a passing thought on a day where he’s particularly sexy looking in a suit or when an adoring fan holds up an inappropriate poster at a game, but now?

Now I think the idea of being Ledger’s is enticing.

“Yeah.” Ledger nods, his face careful not to give away what he’s thinking as he speaks. “You have a birthmark on your left inner thigh.”

His observation catches me off guard, but I nod. “I do.”

“It looks kind of like a chocolate chip cookie with a bite taken out of it. Seeing it a few weeks ago…I had to tell myself I couldn’t just lean forward and nibble on it myself. Lick it. Taste it on your skin.”

Oh, my God.

This is not what friends say to each other on the regular.

Does he…?

Is he saying…?

Does Ledger have feelings for me?

Oh, my God! What if he does?

Wait. Does this change anything?

I mean it changes a lot of things, but what about my plan?

But also, why does being with Ledger Dayne sound like a delicious idea?

“Ledge…”

“And don’t get me started on the prettiest pussy I’ve ever laid eyes on.” Ledger shakes his head, his pupils darkening. “I wasn’t lying when I said that Marlee, and if you were mine, you couldn’t keep my tongue away from the sweetest part of you.”

Ledger swallows and I notice his tongue sweeps over his lips again, moistening them as his eyes fall to my mouth. The air between us is thick, like something unsaid has been lingering inside him for far too long and it’s finally out there, humming like static in a space gone quiet.

And it feels like maybe…just maybe…he’s going to kiss me.

He lifts his hand to the back of my head as he leans ever so slowly toward me.

My breath catches, not from surprise, but in anticipation of a connection I think I long for when I’m with him.

The way he looks at me, like he sees everything about me, like he’d wait forever but hopes he won’t have to, it’s a heady feeling.

Like his soul is pushing through my chest and making itself at home as it wraps around my heart.

Why I didn’t recognize the feeling sooner, I don’t know.

Maybe I did know and was just too afraid to admit it to myself for fear of rejection, but I see it now.

I see all of Ledger’s feelings. He carries them in his eyes.

They’re like a storm settling into the earth, lit with something deeper.

Like he’s weighing the risk of leaning a little more.

I wouldn’t turn him away.

I wouldn’t say no.

I’m the risk worth taking.

If only I could tell him that.

With a slow, aching patience that only comes when someone wants more than just a fleeting moment, he leans in closer, just enough to feel his warmth. To feel his breath on my lips.

My heart beats loudly in my ears as I close my eyes and wait for the soft brush of his lips against mine with the realization that once he kisses me I know with every fiber of my being I’ll submit to him.

I’ll be irrevocably his, because when push comes to shove, even in just a few hours in his presence tonight, he’s made me feel more loved and more cherished than any man ever has.

I part my lips and suck in a silent breath in anticipation but then Ledger’s lips land tenderly on my forehead.

His lingering kiss is sweet and comforting albeit disappointing, but then he pulls back and gazes into my eyes and tells me, “I guarantee you you’re body isn’t broken, Marlee.

And I promise I’ll put a baby inside you if it’s the last thing I do. ”

Okay so the kiss didn’t happen the way I hoped it might. But Ledger Dayne just told me he’ll put a baby inside me if it’s the last thing he does and it was sexy as hell. And now I’ll forever wonder what it would truly be like to be his.