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“Fucking fuck!” I raise my arms out to my sides and let them fall haphazardly.

“You mean all those times I was fighting with current exes or wondering if my life was ever going to actually be something I dreamed of…all those nights I spent crying myself to sleep over a stupid douche of a man, I could have had Ledger fucking Dayne?”

Ella and Layken give each other a guilty glance and then they both nod.

“Why didn’t he ever just ask me? Why didn’t he ever tell me how he felt?”

Ella smiles kindly. “Because that’s the vulnerable part of Ledger that everyone loves about him.

He’s too kind to want to break apart any relationship you might have been in.

And then after a while he just assumed it was never going to happen and accepted it.

He gets nervous around you because he has feelings for you.

It’s the cutest thing to all of us, but you never really noticed. ”

“But why didn’t anyone tell me before?”

“It wasn’t our dream to tell,” Ella explains. “Ledger does things on his own timeline. We knew it would happen eventually.”

Corrigan nods. “Truth. One hundred percent. And then you asked him to be your baby donor.”

“Oh, my God!” I gasp. “Is that why you brought it up at Scarlett’s wedding? When we were dancing together? You knew how he felt, didn’t you?”

Layken throws her arm over my shoulder. “Babe, I write romance books for a living when I’m not here at the arena. What do you think?”

I huff a deep breath, shaking my head in complete and utter disbelief. “All this time I could’ve had Ledger Dayne in my bed. In my heart. He could’ve been the man of my wettest dreams.”

Ella laughs at my outburst. “Girl, you can still have all that and more. You are in the position to have this man’s babies and he is willingly giving them to you. Now what do you think that says, huh?”

“She’s right.” Blakely nods. “All is definitely not lost. We can work with this.”

Since I started working for the Anaheim Stars several years ago, I’ve never once felt awkward or nervous to speak in front of the team in order to do any part of my job.

I’ve always been organized and confident, making sure that the players have what they need and know the plan for the day ahead of them.

Today though, is our first team meeting of the season and now I’m staring at a group of brawny, attractive men, one of which has seen and touched my body in ways none of the other men here have.

God knows how many of them know about it, although judging by the looks on some of their faces I would guess probably all of them.

I’m not sure yet if an entire hockey team knowing about me and Ledger is a blessing or a curse. Especially when he’s doing me a favor. It’s not like we’re fucking on the regular or anything.

Or fucking at all for that matter.

But now that I know Ledger has a crush on me…that he’s felt this way for years…I’m suddenly nervous as hell.

“Hi guys. It’s great to have you all back. I just want to give everyone a quick update on the operations side of things so you can be prepared as we go forward and so you can keep your focus on what you do best while I take care of the nitty gritty details,” I start.

I steal a glance at my iPad of notes and then scan the room quickly, knowing full well that Ledger is in this room.

As if I could feel the energy coming from him, he’s the first person I see when I look up.

Leaning against the wall in the back, our eyes meet but only fleetingly because no way in hell can I let his presence distract me from my job.

“First up is travel logistics for Saturday’s scrimmage against Minnesota.

All transportation has been confirmed. We’ll be leaving at 2:00 P.M. sharp on Friday so please be at the arena ready for the airport shuttle at 1:30 with bags loaded.

No delays. We will leave without you. Even if you’re…

” I glance at Ledger again just fast enough to notice the perfectly fitted black t-shirt he has on and the sculpted biceps protruding from the sleeves. “A top scorer or whatever.”

Several heads nod and I see a few of the guys entering info into their phones. I lift my eyes again, letting them linger a little too long in Ledger’s direction before I pull my gaze back to my iPad.

Shit Marlee.

Do the meeting.

Say all the things.

Don’t make it awkward.

“Uh, equipment,” I announce, shaking the distracting thoughts from my head. “If anyone has specific needs or changes to equipment, please talk to Isaac or me—preferably before game day…or, uh today, would even be great since I’m here…you know, talking about operations and such.”

There’s a collective chuckle around the room and I can feel my heartrate accelerating inside my chest. I pause briefly and take a breath, trying my best to avoid making eye contact with Ledger.

I fail miserably though and allow my eyes to wander in his direction a fourth time, but just as I think I see the corners of his mouth turning up, I look back to my iPad again.

Gah! He looks so yummy standing back there.

I just need a few minutes to appreciate his physique.

“Right, okay. Facilities. Your locker room assignment has not changed since last season unless you spoke to me about it prior to today. That means yes, Griffin, your bench is still next to August’s.”

“Fuck, yeah!” Griffin pumps his fist and then gives August a playful kissy face.

I try to ignore the flapping tongue August gives Griffin in return but I can’t help myself.

Their middle school behavior makes me laugh.

“Your locker room and gym time are secured. If you have any issues whatsoever with access or scheduling please come to me directly and I’ll get it all sorted out for you. ”

Is he watching me?

I wonder if he’s staring at me like I was staring at him during practice.

Just one more quick peek.

No one will notice.

This time he’s not watching me but he’s scratching his chest and my God do I want to touch that chest too…with my tongue.

“You okay, Marlee?”

August Blackstone is seated right in front of me. His expression tells me he’s noticed my wandering eyes.

Trying to hide my guilty grin, I lower my chin and nod. “Yeah. Fine,” I say clearing my throat and then forcing myself to keep a straight face.

“Um, medical staff.” My voice falters and I clear my throat again.

For the love of Christ.

What is happening to me?

“Trainers are on-site today and will be with us tomorrow as well. Make sure you’re staying on top of any continuing treatments and recovery protocols.”

I swallow an uncomfortable lump in my throat as thoughts of Ledger wrapping an arm around me on the ice swims through my mind.

“If you were mine, you couldn’t keep my tongue away from the sweetest part of you.”

“I promise you I will put a baby inside you if it’s the last thing I do.”

I make brief eye contact with Ledger once again and this time he gives me a crooked smirk and a wink that I swear was meant to melt my panties right off. I’m so distracted that my iPad nearly slips from my hands. August leans forward and catches it just in time and hands it back to me.

“Th-thank you, August,” I say, shaking my head trying to regain my focus even as my body heats and I start to sweat.

He smirks. “Welcome.”

“Anyway, that’s it,” I pull my iPad tightly against my chest. “If nobody has any questions for me, I’ll send out the itinerary again tonight for our scrimmage trip. Please check your uh…”

You are in the position to have this man’s babies and he is willingly giving them to you.

Ledger.

What’s the word?

Ledger.

Fuck.

What am I doing here?

Ledger.

“Emails?” Oliver suggests, helping me out.

“Yes!” I point to him. “Check your emails and make sure you’re on time for the airport.

Other than that, I’m here to keep things tight behind the scenes so you can focus on playing.

Let’s keep communication open and professional.

If something’s not working, let me know and we’ll fix it. Thanks guys. Good luck out there."

Oh my God, that went horribly.

I must look like a complete dumbass.

I cannot get out of this room fast enough.

“Thanks Marlee,” Harrison says with a nod and a wave. I respond with a silent nod as well but smile and then turn to leave the room as quickly as possible without giving Ledger Dayne another glance.

But I swear when I’m walking down the hall I hear Bodhi Roche say, “Keeping things tight behind the scenes, hey Dayne?”

Cringing, I murmur to myself as I’m walking away, “Note to self: Work on your choice of words.”