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CHAPTER SEVEN

LEDGER

G etting Marlee out of my mind this past week has been damn near impossible.

In a way it sucks that it’s still the off-season because I have too much idle time on my hands.

No matter what I do or where I go or who I’m with my thoughts trail back to Marlee Remington.

Okay, not just Marlee in general. Specifically, Marlee Remington with her legs spread open for me while I pleasured her enticingly beautiful pussy with a vibrating toy wishing it was my tongue instead.

The same Marlee Remington who latched onto my arm as I made her come.

Even now the vision of her with her back arched off the bed, her hair floating around her head like a halo as her body responded to me lives rent free in my head.

It’s been a week and every single morning I go through the same routine.

Wake up, shower, wrap hand around cock, press play on the nonstop Marlee thoughts running through my head, jack off violently against my shower wall, rinse, and repeat.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so close to something I’ve wanted so badly, something I’ve dreamed about experiencing for years, but in the end, know I can’t have entirely.

It’s no secret that I’ve had a crush on Marlee for the past three years.

She’s one of the kindest women I’ve ever met and she’s a fucking stunner.

She’s damn good at keeping us in line. She’s always one step ahead of where we need to be and never forgets a detail.

She works hard and has a fun sense of humor when she lets herself unwind.

And on top of all that, she’s so fucking pretty just thinking about her makes my chest ache. But she doesn’t want me.

And not just me. It seems she doesn’t want anybody.

She just wants a baby.

Her dream of being a mother surpasses her desire for a loving, committed relationship.

I’m sure it’s because she’s never actually experienced one before.

The men she’s been with have all let her down, including her father, so why wouldn’t she give up on the idea of finding the perfect man?

Why wouldn’t she surrender herself to the idea of being single forever?

I can’t say that I blame her, but fuck, I wish she would see me standing right in front of her.

I wish she would know me. Really fucking know me.

Not just as the nice guy donating sperm.

Not just Ledger Dayne the professional hockey player on the team she works for, but as the real me.

Ledger Dayne, the child who grew up knowing how it felt to not be in a loving home for years at a time.

The kid who was told over and over again by one foster family after another that his parents didn’t love him enough to keep him around.

The kid who grew up knowing his father killed his mother.

The kid who never expected to be anything in life.

I wish Marlee would see the real me because I’m not that insecure, angry kid anymore.

I found the perfect family for me. I found the talent inside me that would pave the way for a successful hockey career.

I now have the world’s best hockey brothers that I consider an extension of my family.

And for the past several years I’ve had my sights set on Marlee Remington, the perfect woman for me.

The perfect partner to have by my side. I can look at her and see her as my wife.

I can see her as the mother of my children.

I can see us happy together. I don’t know, maybe somewhere along the way I’ve become the guy who believes in soulmates because I wholeheartedly believe Marlee is mine.

Sure, I’ve looked at other women over the years. And yeah, I’ve even slept with more than a handful, but every single one of them is inconsequential to me when it comes to Marlee. She’s it for me, I know it.

If only she knew it too.

Me

There once was a night full of flair, with my sperm and your egg, what a pair! Now I sit here and reckon from that steamy hot second, I sure hope there’s a bun baking in there!

That’s the text I sent Marlee early this morning before I left for the gym.

It took me an hour before the sun came up to find the right rhyming words in hopes she would appreciate my attempt to match her humor.

We haven’t seen much of each other these past two weeks.

Just a few minutes here or there on top of a team meeting about the preseason.

I didn’t see her car in the lot when I got here this morning but I know she doesn’t always work from the arena during the off season.

Even the front office team deserves their downtime. Hopefully I’ll hear from her soon.

“Evan! Dude! You’re looking like fire out there today man! Your cross-over skating is much improved as is your balance control. That’s crucial to your success on the ice. Well done, Bud. Keep it up.”

My newest young hockey friend at Pucks & Blades beams back at me and then raises his hand to offer me a high five. “Thanks, Mr. Dayne. Did you see me block that puck when I was at the net?”

“I sure did,” I tell him with a nod. “Who knows, you might just be the next Barrett Cunningham one day, huh?”

A sour grunt comes from behind me as Barrett skates up to where Evan and I are standing on the ice.

“What’s the matter, Bear?” I ask him, slapping him on the back. “You afraid of a young kid showing you up?”

Bear scoffs and playfully rolls his eyes. “As if.”

“That’s okay.” Evan shakes his head, grimacing. “Being goalie is fun but I think I like skating fast better than standing in front of a stupid net all day while my teammates do all the work.”

Bear’s jaw unhinges as I throw back a hearty laugh and offer Evan a fist bump. “Oooh, that one burned eh, Bear?”

Bear narrows his eyes at a grinning Evan. “Is that what you think I do? Stand there all day in front of a stupid net?”

Evan nods. “Uh huh. And then every once in a while you get to do a cool split that blocks a puck. Yay you.”

Oh man. This kid is the king of sass and I am here for it!

“You know,” Bear smooths his hand over his beard, “it’s a darn good thing you like skating fast.”

“Why?” Evan asks.

“Because I’m about to kick your little?—”

“Ahhh!”

I watch amused as Barrett chases after a speeding Evan knowing without a doubt that Barrett will catch him and give him a proper shake down for his teasing comments.

“What’s that all about?” Harrison asks as the other kids head off the ice for the day.

“Ah, nothing. Evan decided to dis Bear right to his face,” I explain, chuckling as we watch the two of them laughing at the other end of the ice. “Bear’s good with kids. Who knew?”

Harrison laughs next to me. “I knew. But only because Bear has helped with Pucks & Blades for years so I’ve seen him around kids before. He may act tough as balls when he’s out here on the ice,” he says, nudging me, “but we all know he’s a giant softy.”

“Truth.” I nod. “Come on. I’ll help you clean up.”

Together, Harrison and I collect the pucks and pick up the cones we used for today’s practice and then we hand everything off to our equipment manager, Isaac. I head to the locker room where I take off my skates and practice clothes and then change back into my street gear.

“You got plans for the rest of the day?” Harrison asks as Bear struts into the room looking victorious.

I shake my head. “Nope. No plans. Figured I’d watch a few tapes and go over a few things before training camp starts.”

“Want to grab lunch?”

Before I answer, I check my phone curious to see if Marlee has texted back yet. I can’t deny that a small part of me was hoping she might tell me she’d like to celebrate a positive test, but when I check my texts, there are none from her.

She must have a lot going on today.

“Yeah sure. I’m in.”

Harrison and I wait for Bear and then the three of us head out of the locker room and down the hall toward the exit. As we approach the elevators Marlee unexpectedly steps out into the hallway from the press office.

“Hey Marley!” Harrison says, winking at me, no doubt thinking he’s doing me a favor by starting a conversation with her.

Yeah, real cool, Harrison.

Too bad you have no idea what Marlee and I did together a few weeks ago.

It’s fine.

What he doesn’t know won’t kill him.

“Hi Harrison,” Marlee says, swiping her fingers across her cheeks. “Did you guys need me for something?”

“No, we were just—oh, shit.” Harrison stops short and Bear and I follow suit noticing that Marlee is visibly upset. Although she’s desperately trying to hide it, her tear-stricken cheeks and reddened nose are evidence enough that she’s been crying.

Fuck.

“Hey,” I ask softly, stepping forward from Harrison and Barrett. I cup her elbow and turn her slightly so she doesn’t feel like I’m trying to cause a scene in front of the guys. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Really.”

I don’t believe her.

She’s not one to cry at work.

Lowering my voice, I murmur to her, “Is it the?—”

“Period,” she says, knowing full well I was going to say baby. “Yeah. My period came this morning and I’m just not feeling well. That’s all.”

Shit.

Period means no baby.

Period means sad Marlee.

“Darius will have some pain relievers if you need some,” Barrett suggests with a hitch of his thumb back behind us. “He keeps a well-stocked cabinet in the training office.”

Marlee gives him a half-hearted smile. “Thanks, Bear. I think I just need to call it quits for the day and go curl up in a ball on the couch or something. I’ll be fine, I swear.” She can give the guys all the I’m-fine promises and reassuring glances she wants, but I can tell she’s not okay.

“Hey, rain check guys.” I wrap my hand around Marlee’s. “I’m taking Marlee home.”

Her brows arch and her eyes widen. “What? Ledger you don’t have to do?—”

“I want to,” I say, squeezing her hand. I nod again to the guys and repeat myself. “Rain check?”