Page 20 of We Could Be Better

kyra

We been on this trip for three days now and Cash had yet to look my way or talk to me.

I didn’t even stay in the room with him and Pai, because when we made it he felt it was best that I got a room with Nik and Mina.

I didn’t bother to argue I told him that I would just come every morning to get her dressed.

I don’t even know why I came on this trip.

I thought maybe it would make us closer but I thought wrong.

Even at the parks he would grab Paisley hand and go on different rides with her; I found myself sitting in the public bathroom crying because of all the neglect.

After this craziness how could I sit here and tell him I was pregnant and the whole time we been here he been ignoring me.

He loved to call somebody childish but that’s exactly what he was being, if anything we should sit down and talk about everything that was going on with us and how to make shit better but I guess he just felt different about me.

I felt so stupid I hid one baby from him and now I was pregnant with another child for him. I was going to tell him soon though.

“I wanna wear those shoes mom.”

I was in the room dressing Paisley so we can get ready for fun day at Magic Kingdom.

I don’t care how old you are you can never be too old for Disney World.

I was so glad she called me mom, but she told me how my aunt always let her know that I was her mother.

I just don’t think I can think my aunt enough for everything she had done for me.

“Ok baby let…”

I couldn’t even get the rest out because before I knew it vomit was rising up in my throat.

My morning sickness was horrible and my head would often hurt, but I managed to put on my big girl panties and act like everything was ok.

I tried to hurry up and play everything off but for some reason this morning I just couldn’t stop throwing up.

“Yo, Ky you ok?”

Everybody called me Ky but for reason every time he said it, it would make me damn near wet my panties up.

Just so much base in his voice and authority whenever he entered the room; he had everyone attention just by walking in.

I tried to hurry up and clean myself up before he found out; I wanted to let him know but not up here.

Once we got back home I would tell him everything I had to say.

“Yeah im good” soon as I finished more vomit came up

“Man im about to call a nurse”

“You don’t have to Cash. She can’t tell me something I already know.”

“The fuck you talking about”

“Im pregnant! I have morning sickness every morning just give me some time and it will pass over.”

The look on his face held no emotion so I couldn’t tell if he was happy as hell or mad as hell and the way I was feeling at the moment I didn’t fucking care.

Once I finally finished puking my guts up I finished getting dress and we made our way to the park.

Cash hadn’t said anything to me since I told him I was pregnant and that was fine; I didn’t feel like hearing his voice anyway.

I wanted to eat and have lots of fun with my daughter. I had a lot of making up to do.

“The fuck you doing Kyra” Cash asked as I was getting ready to go on the roller coaster.

I rolled my eyes at him and continued up the stairs to the ride.

Before I knew it this crazy mutha fucka grabbed my arm and jerked me down.

It takes my sister to tell yall how the white people were looking at us.

I even saw a few people with their cell phones out recording us.

I was too embarrassed this crazy fool aint talk to me the whole time we been up here but got the nerve to jump stupid when I try to get on a ride.

“Bitch he aint playing” I heard O’nika shout while laughing

“Cash, why would you embarrass me like that?”

“If you would’ve fucking got down than I wouldn’t have to be in your face pissed off right now.”

“Dawg you haven’t talked to me not one time since we been here, so why the fuck you in my face now?”

He got so close to my face our nose were damn near touching.

I looked in his eyes and saw that he was indeed mad at me, but honestly I didn’t give a fuck.

This the shit I was speaking on Cash had life and bullshit confused.

He couldn’t keep his dick in his pants but want to be over here playing fucking daddy.

“You damn right I haven’t and I still won’t talk to you. But I refuse to let your selfish ass hurt my fucking child that you are carrying or is the baby for me. You know you love keeping shit away from people. Don’t know if I can believe anything you say.”

He had the nerve to say that shit with a damn smirk on his face.

I was fucking heated I tried to act hard and not cry but before I knew it my damn eyes were burning for the tears.

I just left the park and asked the driver to bring me back to the room.

He wanted to enjoy his vacation with his daughter and family then I was going to let just that happen.

I packed my shit and caught the private jet back home. “FUCK CASH” I screamed

I made it back home and pulled out my phone to send my sister a text message.

Me: Dreka, sorry for leaving but I think it’s best I let Cash spend time with his daughter alone. Do me a favor, when yall get back please bring Pai to me. I rather not see or talk to Cash. Thanks

Cash: Bitch you just leave your daughter and don’t say shit. You will never see her again

Cash: you dumb as fuck

Cash: when I get back I’m talking your stupid ass to court and after I tell the judge how you neglect you child let’s see who will get her.

Dreka: Cash going crazy! He cut the trip short

Mina: Tf happened

Nik: Call me ASAP

After reading everybody text messages I decided to turn my phone off.

I can’t believe how hateful Cash is being towards me.

There’s no way he was hurting more than I was I was young but I still took care of my child.

I never missed anything I loved her but I had to get everything around me in order first. I couldn’t be stranded on the streets with a child; I had to make sure home was straight.

I just had to make sure home was in order.

If Cash couldn’t understand that while his hoe ass want to judge me then like I said once before fuck his bitch ass and everything he stand for.

I was sitting in the living room listening to ‘Not Gon Cry’ by Mary J.

while sipping a cup of water wondering where I went wrong in life.

A man just doesn’t get it I swear they don’t, you can give a man your all mold him into a responsible person and get him out of his mother house.

Cook for him, massage his feet and after standing on them all day, give him the best head he will ever receive, show him all the attention, and most importantly bring give him something that no woman as ever given him.

At the end of the day he still won’t appreciate shit you do for him.

I gave Cash everything since we were kids my virginity included and all he did was shit on me with other females.

The one moment I try to enjoy life and have a boyfriend than he would notice me only to get up and go to the next bitch yet again.

I never meant to hurt him or anyone else for that matter.

Plenty days I sat up in bed crying praying God saw fit for me to one day go get my child, and he did just that even though I wanted to make sure all the mess on the streets got cleared up first he felt I was ready and who am I do go against him.

I just was hurt over the words Cash spoke to me in the park.

I’ve only slept with him so how could he ask me such a thing.

I had thoughts about getting an abortion but who am I kidding I don’t believe in them so that’s out the question.

The best thing for me to do is fall to bending knees and just thank God for a second chance.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

I knew who was at the door because when I turned my phone on he was still texting me then once he saw I wasn’t going to reply he started calling me.

I didn’t have time for him to bash me or tell me how bad of a parent I was in my face.

If he wanted to bring me to court then we would do just that.

Everything was always my fault when he came to Cash and his actions.

Him fucking another bitch was my fault, so I just feel the best thing for me to do is stay away from his psychotic ass.

“So you just gon sit there while I knock on the door”

I damn near jumped out of my skin when he walked in here but I played it off. I had to admit though he was standing there looking so damn good I wanted to fuck the shit out of him while he stood right there. I quickly turned my head though and continued sipping on my water.

“Remind me to get my locks change in the morning.” I said without even looking at him.

“Now you drinking while you pregnant”

“Why are you worried about what I’m doing if you so strongly feel I’m carrying another man child?”

“Girl I was just being concerned that don’t change the fact that I still feel the child is not mine. Wasn’t you in the club with another man Kyra it might be his child.”

“Cash, why are you here?”

“I just came to get some clothes for Paisley”

“They are in her room” I said

I walked off to go lock myself in my room I just laid there and cried.

I cried for myself I gave everything I can possible give and here he was just shitting on me like I was no one.

He treated me like one of those hoes on the streets.

I couldn’t understand though why was he making it so hard for me to move on.

I didn’t get why he was treating me like I wasn’t human.

I heard him close Paisley room door and walk out of the house and possibly out of my life.

I laid in bed and thought “this is only the beginning of this crazy ass rollercoaster” before dozing off to sleep.

****

“Bitch you gon make yourself sick and you pregnant. Come on you have a doctor appointment today and you have to get out this bed.” Dreka said

I heard her talking but I didn’t want to listen I was going through too much Cash ass walked out my front door weeks ago and don’t even want to answer the phone so I can see my daughter.

I went by the house and even to his mother house no one wants to answer the phone for me but his ass can be on snap chat snapping video of him and Bella going everywhere together with my daughter.

That shit was fucking messy and not only that his really did serve me I go to court next week.

If he wanted to hurt me he’s doing a damn good job at it.

I tried everything to get through to him but he didn’t care he didn’t even call to check on the baby I’m carrying all because he think the baby is for another man.

I made my way to the doctor and Bella came bouncing her ass in there rubbing on her stomach. I had too much on my mind to entertain her ass so I just continued looking in my phone scrolling down facebook while my sister talking my head off.

“Kyra look” Dreka said pointing to the door.

Cash was walking in holding Paisley hand; I got up and tried to run over to them but he pushed past me and went to sit by Bella side.

She sat there laughing at me and I didn’t care all I wanted to do was hug my daughter and tell her how much I missed her.

I tried to give it another chance so I got up off the floor and walked over to them.

I reached out for Paisley and Cash smacked my hand back, but I wasn’t giving up.

I didn’t care if I made a complete fool of myself.

“Cash, can I please take her today” I asked with pleading eyes I heard sniffles and turned around to see my sister crying. I swear in all my days I had never been so weak and depressed.

“Bitch get the fuck out of my face before I have you arrested for harassment.” Paisley was now sitting there crying and holding on to Bella arm tight.

She was old enough to know I was really her mother, but it was still possible for her to hate me.

I had given her to my aunt when I was younger, got her back, and now I was out of her life again.

I hated myself for everything I had done; she was so young I didn’t want to bring drama to her life.

It was like they turned my baby against me like she didn’t know who I was. She didn’t even want to look up at me.

“Kyra come on”

“No Dreka I just want to hug her”

“I know but this is not the place”

“Well where is the place I will never be able to see her again.” I walked towards her trying to grab out for her, but Cash stood up and pushed me away.

“She’s with her mom now leave her alone”

“FUCK NO, Cash!! You going too damn far now that bitch will never be Paisley mother.” Dreka was screaming, I stood there so shocked that he said those words to me. I was just in another world; he turned my child against me. Cash was being evil and I didn’t know this side of him.

“Sir, is there a problem” an officer asked

“Yes sir this young lady is harassing me and my family”

“Keem, come get your fucking brother.” I heard Dreka on the phone screaming. It was so much going on around me that I was confused. It was like everyone was talking at one time.

I could no longer speak I had nothing left to say.

Everything around me was blurry as the officer was putting me in handcuffs.

I saw Dreka and Cash fussing I also saw Bella laughing at me.

My whole life went downhill and I just didn’t get why was he so mad at me I know I was wrong for keeping Paisley a secret but did he really have to hate me or make my child hate me.

I sat in the back of the police car crying my eyes out.

I cried so much I made myself sick. I had court next week and I needed to get my shit together so I can get my child.