Page 18 of We Could Be Better

KYRA

Since reading that note Cash hadn’t said much to me which was understandable.

I knew he was trying to put everything together in his head and soon I would tell him what’s going on, but right now I needed to figure everything out.

I hid this secret from Cash for so long I knew he would hate my guts.

I live under the roof with his brother and he didn’t even know my little secret.

***

I pulled up to Dreka house and called for her to come outside.

I didn’t want anyone to overhear our conversation and get the wrong impression; I had to talk with my sister about everything first. I really should’ve been at home with Cash telling him the real reason I left the hood back then.

But to be honest I long ago put the real reason I left the hood in the back of my mind and moved on.

Though often times I beat myself I didn’t want Cash to find out my real reason for leaving.

I looked at my big sister coming outside and I had to admit even though my mama was a drunk she made some beautiful daughters.

I ran everything down to Dreka even about the car being parked in front my house and Keem house that night.

I just didn’t get it though how someone could just drop off the face of the earth then come back blackmailing me.

From my understanding he wanted to divorce he didn’t want want me I gave what he wanted.

“Son I knew I wasn’t tripping when I told you I knew the eyes of my shooter.”

“You think it was him?”

“I know it was”

“Remember I told you about the black car that was following me around everywhere?” I asked Dreka and she nodded her head “Well one day I got a good look at the driver and I could’ve sworn it was him but I hadn’t seen him in over a year so I shrugged it off thinking I was tripping”

“You know you have to tell him before he find out on his own right?” just as I was getting ready to answer a delivery truck pulled up and a man got out with flowers in his hands.

“Dreka Wright?” Dreka called the man over and signed the papers.

I knew it wasn’t Keem because he was in the house and that nigga wasn’t the type to send flowers.

I was about to ask my sister what type of games she was playing but from the look on her face I knew just then the same person was sending subliminal messages her way too.

She took the envelope out the flowers and opened she pulled out what looked to be a picture and looked up at me.

“What the fuck?” she screamed as she handed me the picture.

Tears formed in my eyes looking at her sitting outside swinging made me think about the day she was born.

She had a head full of jet black hair and her eyes were the same color as Cash eyes.

I named her Paisley Mikelle Payne and asked my aunt on my dad side not to change it and she promised she wouldn’t.

Over the years she would send me pictures and even keep me updated with what was going on.

Just like my dad my aunt did whatever to protect us.

She took Pai in soon as I had her and promised me whenever I was ready I could come get her.

I was going to do just that but I had to think of a way to tell Cash and quick I didn’t want to wait until it was too late.

But I know that I was pushed for time because for some strange reason Keith was back and he wasn’t playing nice.

I knew him just leaving was too good to be true he always did have a little attitude problem; he had never hit me but sometime I thought he would come close.

“You have to tell him quick, Ky this bitch aint playing fair. Tell him before he find out another way.”

“I will sis I’ll call you when I make it home.” I said before jumping in my car to call my dad

“Hello” hearing my dad voice made me feel like a little girl again

“Hi, dad it’s me Kyra”

“Girl I know who this is” he said with a light chuckle

“How is Paisley doing?”

“She’s fine, Kyra! When are you are to tell Cash about her and come get her. She needs to know who her mom is, baby. She’s about to be 7 years old and haven’t been in your company yet.”

“That’s why I was calling dad once I get settled in my new house I was thinking about coming get her.” I said

I heard the excitement in my dad voice; I know all he ever wanted was for me daughter to be with me.

But I needed to get myself straight first. I talked to him a little while longer and decided to send a text out to Mina and Dreka telling them dinner at my house.

I didn’t text Onika because she didn’t know my secret and I didn’t want her to find out this way, but once I told Keem and Cash I would be sure to tell her.

I just needed to talk with her in private we were best friends and it was already bad enough I had up and left her years ago.

But I had never told her why I really left.

I was young and Cash wasn’t trying to be with only me he was trying to be with every chick on the block.

I couldn’t raise her by myself and once Dreka moved I was really alone.

The day I told her what was going on she sent for me.

Keem was there but not even he knew my secret; I was hiding my pregnancy really well.

The day I had her my aunt was at the hospital to take her home.

My mother knew and as much as she hated us I was surprised she didn’t run her mouth a long time ago.

I did a damn good job at hiding it from him but I knew this day was going to come I just wasn’t prepared for it to come so soon.

I was sitting on the back patio smoking a blunt waiting for everyone to arrive.

It’s been so long since I smoked weed but what went down a few weeks ago wasn’t sitting well with me, so it was only right I had something to clear my head.

I called my auntie which was Mina mom and told her to come over for dinner.

I didn’t know what I was getting myself into, but I figured he might as well meet his daughter tonight.

“Now or never” I thought as I got up to go answer the door.

Everyone was sitting at the table eating and I was so nervous about how this conversation would go.

I didn’t know where to start, so just sat there drinking praying once Paisley walk through that door everything would be explained to Cash without me even saying anything.

The door bell rung and Dreka jumped up to get it.

I looked at Mina and she just hit my leg saying everything would be ok.

“Mina” Pai ran and jumped in Mina arms

“Hey, my baby what have you been doing?” I looked at Mina and Pai and wished we had that relationship. But I knew it would take her a little minute getting use to me.

“Hey, you’re the woman from the pictures my Meme always show me.” She said to me

“Yes sweetie I’m her”

“My meme said one day you would come get me. Is that why I’m here?”

I just started crying looking at her; I had to excuse myself from the table.

I was about to open the floodgates and I didn’t want to scare her.

Dreka and Mina came to check on me but Lord I just couldn’t pull myself together.

I hadn’t physically seen my daughter since the day she was born.

All I had even seen were pictures of her, but to just see her and hug her sent me somewhere I didn’t want to be.

I walked back out and everyone was on the patio playing with Paisley.

I looked and saw as Cash admired her and I loved the relationship they were building already.

I knew he wasn’t too happy with me from the look he gave me once I saw me standing there looking at them.

I had a lot of explain to do and I was going to do everything I needed time.

Kyra, let me holla at you right quick.” Keem said

“What’s up?”

“That lil girl out there she look so much like my mama. Her hair her eyes everything, is that his baby?” I nodded my head. “You lived with us I was around you damn near every day before I went to jail. How did I not know?”

I begin to explain everything to him once I finished I couldn’t stop crying I was a mess and her being here was making me regret the day I gave her to my aunt. She was so innocent and beautiful.

“Come on Dreka I’m ready to roll”

Keem looked at me with so much hate, but I couldn’t understand why he was so mad when he missed half of his child life.

I did what was right, his brother loved the streets and bitches more than he loved me and I didn’t believe in abortions so I had to do what I had to do.

I was young and didn’t have much I did my part to protect my fucking child.

“I’m sorry sis. Hey, auntie can she come stay the night us?” Dreka asked

“That’s up to her mama baby. Earlier she called and told me pack her up and bring her home.”

“How about I bring her home with me tonight Kyra.”

“That’s cool and auntie you can stay in the guest room”

“No love I’ll go with Mina yall have a lot to talk about” she said and kissed my cheek.

Everyone left including Cash; I wanted to explain everything but he held his hand up and jumped in his car.

It was nothing I can say that would explain my actions but I wanted him to know how sorry I was.

I did what I had to do and I don’t feel like a bad parent at all.

At least I didn’t throw her away to the streets like most parents did and I still took care of her.

I made sure she had everything she needed.

My aunt didn’t have to spend a dime on her.

Cash would soon come around, but he had to understand we were both young and he wasn’t ready for a family.