Page 26

Annalise

M y past is filled with pain and suffering. Whatever transpired in my past has played such a heavy role in everything I have endured in my present that I wanted nothing to do with it. But I see now that I no longer have that option. As much as I try to put it out of my mind, my past wants me to face it.

And so I shall.

Cyrus’s feelings transcend beyond lust. That much is clear. I can still feel the eerie chill of his beast form surrounding me every time I close my eyes. I’ve felt what that thick, black smoke can do. The dull pressure on my leg courtesy of Elias is a constant reminder of what can happen to me if I touch it. But somehow, I have become immune to that touch—or rather, Cyrus’s. I don’t know what that could mean or how it’s possible. But it just solidifies the reasoning behind his drive.

I’m pulled from my thoughts as footsteps pass in front of my door. I know it’s Cyrus followed by his servants. He’s left me to my thoughts for the rest of the afternoon, and part of me wishes he hadn’t. My head hurts from the number of memories coursing through it. None of them make any sense, and none of them come in any particular order. Earlier, I let it slip that I knew what I planned on doing for Ciel’s birthday. I don’t know how I knew that. I don’t even know where it came from.

But I get the feeling the beast who has me trapped here is responsible for it.

I release a deep breath and stand as I make my way to the door. I force my feet to move as my mind once again recalls a similar situation.

“You’ve come to me without being summoned,” Cyrus says, making his way back to the table.

Once he’s seated, his eyes shift to meet mine.

“To what do I owe this act of…bravery?” he laughs, taking a sip of his wine.

It was the first time I asserted myself in his life, and it was thanks to Joan for talking me into it. Up until then, I saw myself as I had always seen myself: a slave. But it was then that she helped me see that I am much more than that. Cyrus himself admitted it earlier today.

I am the object of his affection.

I silently make my way up the hall to Cyrus’s chambers. There are no guards as I push open the doors. But servants are standing in front of the doors that lead to the bath. Their attention shifts in my direction, and instead of reprimanding or beating me as the servants in my memories did, they bow, waiting for my command.

I bite back my laugh of disbelief. Cyrus wasn’t lying when he said he offered me his kingdom.

I slowly approach the doors, eyeing the beasts as I do so.

“Leave us,” I murmur as I’ve heard Cyrus do. And to my shock, they bow before exiting the room.

My eyes remain on the door as I find the strength to open it. I don’t know what I hope to accomplish by doing this. I don’t know what life awaits me if this leads anywhere. But something inside of me is compelling me to put an end to this, not just for my sake, but for the innocent child whose eyes light up when he sees me. And for the saddened eyes of the beasts who surround me, knowing what I lost.

So, I suck in a deep breath, opening the doors.

My eyes widen at the immaculate room. Steam engulfs the air as my eyes fall on Cyrus. He’s in the large tub, his back to me, his white hair hanging over the edge, his head tilted back. I silently take in the scars that wrap around his form from something horrible in his past. Before I can get a word out, he speaks.

“Anna… you’ve come to me,” he says, amusement lacing his tone.

“I…” I trail off, letting the silence pass between us.

Cyrus chuckles but doesn’t move.

I slowly force my legs to move, my fingers trembling as I round the large tub, looking this creature in the eyes. His gaze roams over me, lingering in the places he knows before shifting back to my face. His expression makes me tremble as I have no idea what he’s thinking. He’s been silent since the clearing, and I have no idea if he loathes me for not being the woman he loves or desires me for having her face.

“And to what do I owe this act of…bravery?” he asks.

I tense as a feeling of familiarity washes over me from his words. And judging from the smirk on his lips, he knows.

My fingers continue to tremble as I pull my robe off, letting it fall to my feet in a heap before letting my nightgown follow suit. I silently force my legs to move until I am at the edge of the bath, Cyrus’s eyes following me the entire while.

“My mind is driving me to the brink of insanity. I don’t know what I’m holding on for any longer. You said you would ensure I regained my memories before it’s too late…” I trail off once again, feeling foolish as Cyrus watches me in silence.

But he finally has mercy on me, holding his hand out to me. He doesn’t voice his command, but I know what he wants. So, I place my hand in his, joining him in the bath. The water is warm as it covers me up to my breasts. And Cyrus remains silent, studying my face.

He moves slowly as he raises both hands, placing his fingers over my temples. His expression is serious as he speaks.

“Close your eyes. Don’t fight me,” he says.

I study his features one last time, hoping that when I open my eyes again, this beast in front of me will be a shining light in my mind. Elias constantly berated me for wanting to return to this beast. Whether it was for my son or for Cyrus, I hope my return is one of peace and not the turmoil I’ve been living through in the past few months.

I pull in a trembling breath, closing my eyes.

The warmth of Cyrus’s hands slowly intensifies, as does the pounding in my head. But I let it wash over me, until the pounding shifts to a loud ringing over my ears. I cry out, gripping Cyrus’s arms as the pain intensifies, and my gasps turn to groans.

“Stop fighting me, Anna… let it out.” Cyrus’s voice breaks through the pain, and I scream as the pain intensifies.

But with it comes everything.

Not only the destruction of my village but what came after. Dimitri and I being separated. The king taking my trinket away from me and the horrors of the palace. The night I was anchored to the floor by the king himself for making a mistake, but his return hours later to heal me. The interest he took in me before he moved me to his side all hours of the day and night, forcing me to watch as he fucked other beasts. That is, until he finally moved his attentions to me, killing the beasts who put my life in danger and making me his over and over again.

The beating I took because his betrothed grew jealous, and his favor gracing me once again as he smuggled me out of the palace. His attentions grew more intimate as we spent days at the estate, and the memories of him that would assault me when I was with Elias finally make sense. The king himself tried to train me, and when he realized my lack of skill, he gave me his seal. And inadvertently, his child that same night.

He sent me to the hunters’ camp for his father, but I had the displeasure of meeting mine and seeing the evil I came from. I saw firsthand the reason Cyrus loathes all of us. And I watched the human king solidify that hatred by killing Cyrus’s father, something Cyrus couldn’t see past to forgive me for.

I see my first in a long line of betrayals, running away because I thought the weapon that killed his father would do the same to him. I let him leave, keeping the secret of the hunters that would be their salvation. I made a life across the ocean for me and my son—a life in the midst of Elias’s kingdom.

I release a soft gasp as my emotions flourish.

My son. My Ciel. Me and him alone against the world. I had always dreamt of having Dimitri’s children, but the one Cyrus gave me became my life. I hid him from the outside world perfectly and provided a life for him. I loved him more than anything, and he was all mine until his father returned for both of us.

It was then that I learned I had to earn his father’s trust back. I had to become what I needed to be for my son. And I was doing that. I was earning Cyrus’s trust and was given moments with my son. I was going to rule by Cyrus’s side. I see conversations we held, the history of Cyrus’s life, his parents, his suffering, all of it. I see the way he changed toward the end when he was beginning to accept me for what I could be until Elias ripped us apart.

Tears brim my eyes, panic settling in my chest.

“No!” I gasp. But Cyrus holds me steady, the heat from his palms intensifying.

I see the estate, the blood, Joan… all courtesy of Elias. But the bloodshed doesn’t end there.

“Please, no!” I shriek as not only do Elias’s words come into perspective but the memory of my loss: the pain, the realization, the blood.

God, the blood.

“No! Oh, God, no! No, please!” I sob.

The fight, the brutality of what happened between Elias and me. Him dragging me to the window and dropping me to my death. It all makes sense now. His taunts each time he would have me. Each time I willingly climbed into his bed because of what I thought I was accomplishing, when all the while I was sullying everything.

Everything.

I pull away from Cyrus, my heart battering wildly against my chest. His eyes study me, trying to decipher my current state of mind. But the tears continue to pour down my cheeks. Even still, they don’t feel like enough. They will never be enough. Nothing will ever be enough.

“Anna…” Cyrus’s voice is soothing as he watches me, and I choke on my own breathing, slowly shaking my head.

“No…no…no, no, no!” I screech.

My hands fly over my mouth as I try to control myself but I can’t. It’s too much. It’s all too much. I throw my head back, letting my screams echo off the walls. My throat burns, and my eyes are sore, but I don’t care.

Screaming is all I can do.

“Ahhhh!” I inhale a deep breath, letting the scream out with as much intensity as the last. I can’t stop. I can’t, not even when I feel Cyrus’s arms around me. I hear him call to me, begging me to calm down, but I can’t. I can’t control myself, not after all of this.

So I scream in his arms, the pain only intensifying as everything settles into place.