Page 18

Annalise

H e’s in me, on top of me; he surrounds me. His skin is warm to the touch as he slowly thrusts in and out of me, stroking me gently to pleasurable heights. His eyes aren’t filled with the distrust and anger I’ve become accustomed to, but something else. Something… gentle.

His deep blue gaze swallows me as he studies me, his movement pushing me over the edge as my body tenses from my climax. He holds me through my orgasm, his touch gentle as he finds his release inside of me as well. And as I come down from my pleasurable high, I notice that he’s staring at me intensely. I can’t read the expression on his face. He seems entranced by what he sees, but I know that can’t be. I am a human. I am what he loathes. And yet, he watches me as if I am important to him.

“Your Majesty?” I murmur.

My voice seems to pull him from his deep thoughts, and he regains his composure, watching me with determination as I pull the blanket over my chest. It takes him barely a second to react.

“Don’t hide from me,” he says.

He accompanies his words by pulling the blanket from my breasts, exposing me to his lust-filled gaze. He continues to study me, his emotions rampant as he finally voices his thoughts.

“Do you still want a family?” he asks.

Shock crosses my features before I can hide it. He’s asked me this on more than one occasion, scolding me for wanting a future with Dimitri. But I know now that is impossible. Any future I imagined is impossible. All that is possible is what he allows.

I lower my head, giving the response I know he wants to hear.

“No, Your Majesty—”

“Cyrus.”

He shifts closer to me, his eyes searching mine as he breaks down a barrier between us.

“Say it,” he urges when he notices me struggling to follow his command. I’ve barely been allowed to look at him, let alone use something other than his title, but only earlier did he tell me to drop the formalities, and here he is doubling down on that sentiment.

“Cyrus,” I whisper.

His eyes light up as I say his name, and I feel my heart flutter at the sense of control it gives me to be able to speak such a powerful creature’s name and earn this kind of reaction. But I don’t have any longer to dwell on that as he presses his lips to mine and once again claims me until I repeat his name through the night.

I slowly open my eyes, the elaborate ceiling coming into view. I know this ceiling, just as I know this room. I remember admiring the painting that stretches across it, mimicking the gardens Ciel loves to play in. This is also the room where things between Cyrus and I changed.

Of all my dreams, that one felt the most vivid. I remember every detail from that night. Every part of my body he caressed with his tongue, and every time my body came apart in his arms. It was the night he gave me his seal. The night he more than likely impregnated me with Ciel. It was the night everything changed.

And yet, I know nothing surrounding it.

I don’t know why Cyrus gave me that seal, how things had shifted between us, or what transpired after. And I know from the other memories swirling around in my brain that I can’t trust them. It doesn’t matter how Cyrus looked at me that night or what he said to me.

He took everything from me.

Everything.

And the longer I remain on this estate, forcibly in the dark, the more resentful I grow because of it. I’ve come to understand that Joan is the only person I can somewhat trust. She’s the only one who defied her king for the sake of her loyalty to me. She also has the same wound as me from Elias, proving her story about their encounter and how she risked her life for me. I can no longer trust Dimitri. And though I may feel more at ease around Joan, I won’t let my guard down.

I slowly sit up in bed, shifting my attention to the small weight a few inches from me. Ciel is fast asleep, his white lashes dusting his cheeks as he snores softly. He’s beautiful, and according to everyone here, he’s mine. But I feel nothing for him—nothing except guilt. I play the part. I smile when he addresses me and allow him to sleep with me, but as for a real connection, there is nothing. He is worse than a stranger to me. He is a physical reminder of just how far I’ve fallen. Just how much has been taken.

The memory of his father drifts across my mind.

“Do you still want a family?”

The look in his eyes—the possessiveness is something that makes my stomach coil in fear. And while everyone pretends he was smitten with me, the memories that I do have say otherwise. He was obsessed, same as Elias. And I don’t know if he put this child in me on purpose or subconsciously. But it all falls to that night. That night, everything shifted between us when he saw me as more than what he hated.

I quietly get out of bed and make my way to the window. I pull the curtain back to reveal the vast estate the beast called Felix resides in. The sun has barely begun its ascent, and yet another battalion of soldiers gathers at the front gate to make their way to their chosen destination by order of their General.

Felix has arranged to send his men out across the kingdom. For days, he’s been evacuating the estate to spread the hundreds of beasts under his guard to areas he feels are vulnerable targets in Elias’s plans.

Felix is a stoic beast, who I have learned, is best to avoid. He doesn’t care for me and seems to be the only one who will voice that opinion. He especially doesn’t like that up until a few days ago, I still clung to Dimitri. And that I am so uncomfortable around my son. But he has been acting in the absence of the king, proving why he is not only his right hand but a general who has over a thousand soldiers at his personal disposal.

I know it’s only a matter of time before the king returns himself. Then, I will be forced to face my past with no ammunition. No more hiding behind beasts who refuse to tell me the truth. It will be me and whatever state Cyrus was in when I was taken.

And I don’t know how to cope with that.

I’m still trying to get over my father’s death and the loss of Dimitri’s love. But I don’t have the luxury to be hesitant. Not if I plan on making a move to ensure my survival. At this point, I’ve done all I can to inform the beasts of this land about Elias and his plans. And whether Elias thinks I died near that waterfall or not, I am confident he will change his plans.

I can either wait for Elias to make his move or be far gone when he does. Either way, that decision must be made in the next day or two. There’s no telling how soon the king will return, and I’ll be entirely at his mercy when that happens.

I tense, a loud gasp leaving my lips when I feel a weight on my leg. I look down quickly to see Ciel looking up at me with an open mouth, his eyes glittering in excitement. He notices the shock on my features, his own dimming slightly as he takes a step back.

It’s as if he understands the emotions on my face.

His features make my heart beat faster as I take him in. They strongly mimic his father. But I push down the discomfort, grinning softly as I kneel to his height.

“Are you ready to start the day?” I ask.

He watches me intensely, hesitating. But before he can respond, his eyes shift toward the door just before a rapid knock sounds, and Joan pokes her head in.

“It’s Calista. She is in labor.”

Since Dimitri’s refusal to defy his king’s order, I have avoided everyone within this estate. I have watched most of the beasts depart from my window as I wait for the king’s return. So now, as I make my way up the hall to Calista’s chambers, the feeling of being an outsider returns tenfold.

I flinch as I hear her strained groans from behind the doors.

When spoken of, Calista has always been regarded as a brave and fearless warrior, crueler than most beasts and capable of wiping out entire armies within a day. So, to hear her pained moans almost feels like a paradox in itself.

I note that as Joan and I approach, Dimitri is one of the beasts who wait in the hall. His skin is pale as he watches the door where Calista’s shouts of pain echo from.

“Where is Felix?” I ask Joan.

“With Calista, of course,” she says gently.

I scoff to myself at the irony of it all.

“What is so funny? A father’s presence is crucial to the birth of a beast. Especially since the mother is in such a weakened condition,” she says.

Her words make me think of my pregnancy. I don’t remember anything about it, nor do I recall the labor. It’s surreal to think I went through the same thing Calista is going through now and have no recollection of it.

“Was the king present when I had Ciel?” I ask.

Joan is silent for a moment, obviously struggling with giving me an answer when she was almost banned from the estate because of what she revealed days ago.

“Don’t bother. Your silence is all I need,” I say.

Dimitri looks up as we come closer, his body visibly relaxing when he sees Joan and I approach.

“You came,” he says with a sad smile.

But I don’t return it, shifting my gaze up the hall to see that the other beasts in attendance only consist of the remaining staff, who wait with blankets, towels, and fresh water. Out of all the times to have a child, this might be the worst with a threat like Elias roaming around, waiting to attack, and most of the soldiers under your command spread throughout the kingdom to protect the people, leaving those at the estate the most vulnerable.

It also makes for the best possible time to escape.

“Didn’t really have a choice, did I?” I ask, finally shifting my eyes to Dimitri.

He looks visibly hurt by my words but I ignore it. His loyalty is no longer mine.

“Calista values you as a friend. And she only wanted you to be present for the birth of her child of your own volition. Of course, you have a choice, Annalise,” Dimitri says. Before I can respond, Joan speaks.

“Stop it, both of you. Put your differences aside. Today is about the arrival of a new heir. It is a time to celebrate amongst all this uncertainty,” she snaps.

I shift my attention to her, a wave of deja vu washing over me from the fierceness of her tone. But I quickly push it aside, taking her words into account.

I release a breath, moving to sit next to Dimitri.

It takes Calista into the deep hours of the afternoon to deliver the child. And it isn’t until the weak cries of a baby fill the air that the doors finally open as the beasts rush through the estate to spread the news of the child. As Dimitri slowly rises, I notice that the apprehension on his face hasn’t dissipated, and I find myself seamlessly shifting into the role of his comfort as I had been for most of my life.

“She’s made it through the worst of it. No need to be worried,” I say softly as I place my hand on his back. But when Dimitri looks at me, his expression morphing into that of shame, I finally realize what his fear is about.

It’s odd. I’ve come to accept that his heart is no longer mine within weeks of realizing the truth. But if what they say is true, and it’s been years since our separation, years since his heart became Felix’s, how could he not come to accept the role Felix must play in their society? It forces me to feel a deep sense of jealousy that Dimitri was able to put away the love we shared, yet he clings to the creature who caused all of this. And among that realization, I pull my hand from his back.

I watch Dimitri as he leaves and enters the room.

And against my better judgment, I make my way in the opposite direction.

“Where are you going?” Joan grabs my arm, but I pull it from her grasp quickly, the heat of the seal forming on my side as I go on the defensive.

Joan holds her hands up slightly to show she is not a threat, but I don’t speak. I don’t know what could possibly come out of my mouth at this moment, but I know it won’t be good. So, I turn away from her to quickly get away while everyone is occupied.

Afternoon has slowly shifted into nightfall. The remnants of sunlight no longer streak across the sky; only twilight remains as the stars await their turn to illuminate the night.

I release a deep breath, pulling my knees to my chest. It was easier for me to wrap my mind around the life I had when I was with Elias. Here, I recognize people, but they aren’t the same. It’s confusing and overwhelming, and as much as they want my loyalty to their empire, or at least to my son, I can’t give it.

I don’t know them. And as much as I want to love the child who beams for me, he is one of them. He will grow into one of them who would take the lives of humans without a second thought, just as his father did to mine.

I release a trembling breath, wishing more than anything that the memories that plagued me weren’t of his father but of him. I wish something would release in my mind to remind me of the love and adoration I had for him, but it won’t. I flinch as my chest burns, and suddenly, sharp pain stabs me.

“Mama?” I tense as the sound of the child fills my senses, turning to see him running towards me in the grass with his arms outstretched in panic. I fight the urge to shrink away from him, especially when I see Dimitri trailing behind him with a worried expression.

The child falls into my arms naturally, his warmth emitting as he nuzzles against my chest. It’s soothing, easing the ache I felt.

“Why are you here?” I ask more harshly than I intended as Dimitri comes closer.

Dimitri gestures to Ciel, who remains in my arms. “The little prince was looking for you,” he says.

I chuckle bitterly, looking into the darkness that stretches beyond the estate. The edge of the estate is surrounded by trees. It would be easy to slip away into the night. But it would also be difficult to completely escape if a beast were tracking me, as they could easily follow my scent while I bumble around in the darkness.

Dimitri sits next to me, gazing into the darkness. I know him so well that it breaks my heart to know he’s hesitating in speaking to me.

“It’s a girl. They’ve named her Rhea. It’s meaning for bountiful living,” he says softly.

“Shouldn’t you be with them? Welcoming her existence?” I ask bitterly.

“I am not needed at the moment. It is their time to bond with her,” he says.

I slowly turn to look at him, and I see the heavy sadness in his eyes.

“You’re not really so heartbroken over a child, are you?” I ask.

Dimitri looks at me in shock, his eyes shifting to Ciel. He’s silent, thinking about his words before responding.

“If you recall, I’m the one who wanted more kids than you,” he says. He looks up at me with unshed tears.

“I think… it’s one thing to imagine what your life would be like. It’s another to live it. I just hadn’t come to terms with that part of my life being gone forever, you know? It’s hard,” he says, lowering his gaze.

My chest swells at his words. All this time, he wasn’t upset about Felix’s affections being elsewhere. It was the physical reminder of what will never be, just as Ciel is the physical reminder of what has passed.

“You’re lucky not to remember what has happened since our village was destroyed. Don’t go looking. It will be much more painful for you than what you are going through now,” he says gently.

My eyes widen as he offers the advice. It’s the first glimpse of his old self that I have seen since I awoke. Before I can respond, Dimitri tenses, his eyes shifting to the forest. He lifts his head slightly, his eyes narrowing.

I open my mouth to ask him what’s happening when the sharp pain from earlier rips through my chest, forcing a violent cough from my lips. And as I continue to cough, a rush of blood comes spilling past my lips.

“Anna!” I hear Dimitri, but Ciel’s panicked screams outweigh his.

“Mama? Mama, no mama!” Ciel continues to scream next to me, his hands frantically pushing on my chest, and as I try to soothe him, I notice the presence exiting the forest.

My eyes widen and my blood runs cold as I take in the beast I thought I would never see again. Elias moves with predatory grace through the grass, his eyes shifting between us, his hatred tangible as he approaches with a cruel grin.

“Mama?” He chuckles in disbelief, black smoke forming on his arms.

“This must be why you were so desperate to return,” he chuckles, looking at Ciel. Ciel stands in front of me defensively, staring at the beast he knows is a threat.

“Anna, run. Warn Felix,” Dimitri says as he steps between us and Elias.

My legs won’t move, however, as flashes of my memory overwhelm me, including everything Elias did to me. All the torture and pain I endured. How he nearly killed me that night, and the promise he made to Cyrus as he stood over my dying body.

Elias ignores Dimitri, his eyes taking in Ciel before landing back on me.

“He looks just like his father. It will make killing him that much enjoyable,” he chuckles.

He moves with the speed of a beast as he flashes across the field, aiming for me. But he never reaches. Dimitri is between us, his blade colliding with Elias’s, sending sparks into the grass.

My eyes widen as I try to take in the situation before me, but it doesn’t make sense as Dimitri locks blades with Elias, matching him in strength. I feel Ciel pulling on my clothes in panic as well, just as the heat of my seal ignites on my ribs.

His squeals of terror are enough to break my trance as I scoop him up, taking a hesitant step back, which Elias notices.

“Run, Anna!” Dimitri screams.

Elias’s smile widens as he watches me, enjoying the fear on my face.

“Yes, Anna, run. Protect your child so he may not endure the same fate as your last one!”

And with that, he attacks.