Page 17

Annalise

A few weeks ago, I was helping Elias round up humans like me to prepare them for war. And now, I’ve returned to the world that I came from as a stranger, helping those on this side prepare for what’s to come—to protect creatures who only exist as enemies in my memory. And to ensure the future of a child I do not know, fathered by a beast I can only remember destroying my home.

Dimitri has played a large part in my cooperation. In my mind, he is the man I fell in love with. He wouldn’t convince me to do anything that would bring me harm. And though it makes me distressed each time I see him standing next to the beast who has replaced me in his heart, I know that it was Dimitri who rescued me from the docks and Dimitri who I woke to at my bedside.

Even if he is no longer mine, he still cares for me.

I don’t know who the good guys or the bad guys are in this situation. If anything, I want them to both destroy one another to atone for my father’s death, and it would seem Cyrus has already done his part in that respect. But if what I’ve been told is true, and the white-haired child is mine, the destruction of his father and his home would be cruel. Once again, placing me in a state of limbo on this situation.

“Mama, I lookidemo!”

I’m pulled from my thoughts as the child screams at me once more, excitement on his face as he pulls another flower from the ground. He bobs up and down in place as he holds the flower out to me and uses what little balance he has to approach me in the grass, holding the flower to me as a gift.

I smile, taking it from him. “Is this for me?”

To my shock, he clenches his fists tighter, nodding his head vigorously as if he understands me completely. It’s unnerving, but I can’t let him know just how uneasy his presence makes me. According to Dimitri, my presence is very important to him. And even if I don’t know him, I have to pretend for the sake of his health.

The guilt of not knowing his innocent smile eats away at me. And being unable to return his affections makes me cry myself to sleep at night. I must have been a good mother to him before. I must have loved him with every fiber of my being, and when I looked at him, I only saw my son. But as I look at him now, and my memories are not intact, I don’t feel that way. I see his father. I see the beast who took my father—my life.

The child squeals in excitement, his eyes focusing behind me, and I turn to see a beast approaching. She is another beast who claims to know me fondly. But when she looks at me, I see guilt in her eyes.

“Your Grace,” she says, bowing to me slightly.

The child runs past me, jumping into her arms in excitement and she smiles, returning his affection with familiarity.

“Little prince,” she chuckles.

I feel bitterness creeping up my spine as I watch the exchange.

“Joan,” I say, responding to her greeting as she sits beside me.

She doesn’t speak. She only remains next to me in silence, studying the landscape before us. I’m grateful for it. Everyone else insists on seeing where my memory stops, ignoring that I know of it in bits and pieces that aren’t connected.

But the silence begins to get to me, and I finally initiate the conversation between us.

“Why do you look at me like that? You don’t seem entirely happy that I’ve returned,” I say softly.

She looks shocked for a moment before composing herself.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to upset you,” she says gently as she ushers the child to go play. She watches him with the same sad smile before looking at me. I fight the urge to shrink away from her gaze. My father always warned me of beasts, of their true nature. But the beasts surrounding me speak as if I am above them.

“I knew you well. I was by your side while you adjusted, and I always admired how much you had grown before you were taken. You were amazing, unlike anything I’d ever known to be possible,” she says gently.

She looks back to where Ciel plays, breathing deeply.

“You’re different with him. I know it’s because you don’t know him or rather, don’t trust his existence. But you should’ve seen yourself. It was truly remarkable to watch you brave every obstacle for your son. I’m just sorry I didn’t protect you better,” she says.

Her words resonate with me heavily, but I don’t show it. I don’t trust her. I don’t trust anyone but Dimitri.

I don’t know how that child came to be. Every memory I have of his father is terrifying. I can’t imagine there was a moment of tenderness between us when I agreed to become a mother. I can’t imagine why I would keep him. Everyone on this estate is on the king’s side, not mine. And I believe they will say anything to ensure I stay put until he arrives.

I slowly pull my knees to my chest, focusing my eyes on the child.

“Will he be happy to see me? The king?” I ask.

“Of course! He was devastated when you were taken—”

“How was I taken?” I ask.

Joan is silent, so I turn my attention to her.

“All of you claim that I am so important to the king. If I’m so important, how did he let me be taken from his palace by a mad king?” I ask, studying her.

Just as I suspect, she can’t tell me. She’s hiding something from me.

I release a bitter chuckle, turning away from her.

“Don’t bother answering. I know all of you are keeping things from me. He is your king, not me,” I say bitterly.

“And yet, he is the king who allowed me to be taken by a beast who would drop me from his palace window even though I was defeated, breaking my body in so many places that I now have scars that will never heal. All of you claim he will be happy that I am here—that I survived, and yet he let me be taken, forcing me to do what I had to to survive. Your king allowed this to happen to me, the mother of his child, the one he planned to make his queen of the creatures who took my life from me,“ I say, laughing as I speak.

It’s all so funny and yet so depressing. I look at Joan, my gaze narrowed as my misplaced anger comes to the forefront.

“I am not stupid. He did not love me in the way all you paint for me. He owned me. All of you are just making sure his toy doesn’t leave,“ I say bitterly.

“Anna, that’s not—”

“Don’t call me that,” I snap.

The heat of the seal rises on my side as I look at Joan once again, letting my anger fuel my desire to fight.

“Everyone who had the right to call me that is dead,” I growl out, tears burning my eyes as I say the words out loud.

My breathing picks up, and my chest feels tight as I look at this beast. After a moment, I compose myself, slowing my breathing as I turn to watch over the child who blissfully plays in the garden. His existence is the only thing keeping me here.

“You betrayed him.” Joan’s voice suddenly fills the air, pulling my attention.

“What—”

“You betrayed the king’s trust. You proved in front of his subjects where your loyalty truly lay. You chose a human over him… over your son… and so he sent you away to live out your days in an estate.” Joan’s eyes fill with tears, garnering more shock from me. I’ve never heard of a beast having any emotion other than killing, let alone crying.

“And that is where Elias found you. He killed everyone staffed there, emptying their bodies of their organs and stringing them up to provoke our king… and took you,” she says.

Tears roll one after another down Joan’s cheeks as she looks at me, the sadness in her eyes morphing into guilt as she shifts to lift her shirt. My eyes widen when she reveals the darkened skin similar to what’s left on my thigh from Elias’s attack.

“ I failed you that day. And there hasn’t been a day that’s passed that the guilt doesn’t eat me alive. I am bound to my king, but I have always looked out for your best interest from the moment I was appointed to your side—”

“Joan!”

We both tense, whipping in the direction of the voice to see Dimitri approaching with a furious expression. Joan quickly moves away from me, standing as she bows to Dimitri, another shocking action by a beast to a human.

“Felix’s instructions were very clear,” he growls out.

Joan doesn’t respond, however, and it shocks me further when I notice she’s trembling.

“You’re dismissed,” Dimitri says.

Joan quickly leaves, and Dimitri watches her as she returns to the estate. I take the moment to study him. He’s different. And while I know it’s been a while from what I see of him in my memory, everything about him is different… as if he’s a different person.

“And what exactly did Felix say?” I ask, pulling his attention.

I hate the way he looks at me. It isn’t the way he once did. There’s no love and adoration, only fear and caution, as if merely speaking to me is a death sentence.

“We are to wait for Cyrus’s return. He will answer all of your questions. It isn’t our place,” he says.

I raise a brow in confusion, standing before shifting my attention to where Dimitri stood when he called out Joan’s name before looking back at him.

“How do you know what she said? You were at least ten feet away,” I say.

Dimitri tenses, clearly trying to think of an excuse.

“I can’t tell you anything until the king returns,” he says.

I shift my attention to the brand on his face. It’s healed now, the skin lighter than his own. I don’t know what the brand means, nor do I have any memory of how he got it. I hold my hand out, gently touching the brand, and he instantly shrinks away from my touch, taking a step back.

“Did they do this to you?” I whisper.

He just watches me, finding a way in his mind to avoid telling me the truth. I see it now. His loyalty lies with that beast, Felix, for some reason. He is not the same man I loved. Whatever we had is nothing now. There are no lingering feelings between us, no hopefulness for a future. Our path together was severed long ago, but I don’t remember it.

“Anna—”

“Don’t… don’t call me that,” I whisper.

I turn away from him, needing to get away. My legs slowly move faster as I make my way out of the gardens, away from the child they claim is my son and away from Dimitri as a new reality closes in around me.

I am alone.

Cyrus

What makes a beast a beast? What was so savage about our kind that we named ourselves something so lacking in humanity even though we are able to take that form? I never once questioned that about myself or my kind. I just knew where the line was. I knew that the possibility of me shifting into a creature capable of mass destruction was what made me a beast. But being in this form—this human form, forces me to feel more connected to my beast side. It feels unnatural.

“Your Majesty, another message from the General.”

I open my eyes, taking in the horizon as I attempt to form a sentence. It’s all I can do to hold onto this small piece of humanity left within me. The water calms me, and the lack of land makes it easy not to want to shift into a creature capable of robbing the life of that land in wanton abandon.

“You’re dismissed,” I say, taking the message from the soldier.

My eyes instinctually take in his form, registering his heart, his blood, and the scent of unease that overcomes him from being in my presence.

I spent much too long in my beast form. I consumed too much life. The control I’ve built over the years is slowly crumbling around me, and the feeling of being in this human form is uncomfortable. It’s an effect of being in my beast form for too long. My father warned me about it in passing, as he never could have anticipated the future that would require me to become a beast for so long. He never could have anticipated the amount of death I was willing to cause.

Even still, as I head back to my kingdom to be with the woman who caused all this, I don’t feel sated. My fingers tingle for the feel of consumption once again. My ears long for the sound of death—for the screams that morph into choked gasps. For the sight of life leaving the body of those who dared cross my path. The overwhelming feeling of power claws at my insides, demanding to be freed.

I chuckle to myself as I take in the horizon, once again in a desperate attempt to block that primal piece of me from my mind.

I left Elias’s lands in a much worse state than he left mine. I hoped to kill him and his kingdom as I found Annalise. But in a twist of fate it turns out his plan wasn’t only to take Annalise. It was to take everything I have created for myself and my kind—everything I fought to protect. Elias isn’t as foolish as I thought. He is calculating and patient. It’s a dangerous combination. And he obviously noticed how beasts in my world live, just as I noticed how beasts in his did.

His kind hid their true selves for the sake of peace between beings who couldn’t hold a flame to them. It’s obvious in the way Elias took Annalise that he coveted more than what his forefathers raised him to believe. I am sure he is preparing for an all-out war to take the rest of what I have.

I should have remained in my kingdom. I should have sent someone to retrieve Annalise. I shouldn’t have left my home so vulnerable or abandoned my son. As a king, I can look back and learn from that mistake. But as a beast, I don’t regret my decision. I am pleased with part of the outcome. I’ve taken revenge on someone who crossed me. I’ve ruined his life, leaving nothing behind.

I inhale a deep breath, forcing down my emotions as I open the letter sent from Felix’s estate. Anytime he has sent word, it has been riddled with bad news. I am confident this time is no different, as I only received word of Annalise’s return a little over a week ago.

Elias has infiltrated the kingdom. As I write this, he is gathering an army of beasts and humans like Annalise to join his quest to take what is ours and make it his own. Annalise has relayed devastating news regarding his plans, including his desire to wipe out the capital first. We will do what we can as we wait for your return.

I also regret to inform you of Annalise’s condition. Her body is weak, her mind has almost collapsed, and she has no memory of you or her own son. And she no longer carries the child she left your palace with—my deepest condolences. I hope the winds are in your favor and that you’ll return soon. The healers have done all they can, but her body is slowly rejecting their treatment. In the meantime, we shall do what we must to ensure your kingdom is as you left it and protect your family.

Regards,

Felix.

I continue to stare at the letter, my mind having difficulties wrapping around the information given to me. After everything we’ve gone through with the humans who decided to revolt, our short peacetime has already been disrupted. And while my anger at the possibility of another war looms over me, the revelation of Annalise’s condition makes it difficult to focus on the soothing rush of the ocean any longer.

I continue to stare at the letters on the page, hoping that they will rearrange themselves to tell me something different—something that doesn’t hold so much devastation. I had an inkling that Anna lost our child when she used my seal for the first time. But the foolish side of me that clings to hope lingered much too prominently. And as I come to terms with the devastating loss, no matter how much air I intake, it isn’t enough.

Elias has taken everything from me without realizing it, and he plans to extend that service to my home and my people.

I close my eyes, forcing myself to focus on the world around me. The gentle sway of the ship beneath my feet, the soft touch of the wind as it drifts over me, touching every part of me—the loud clash of the waves that stretch for miles. As I find a place to stuff my emotions, I hear the quick patter of footsteps approaching.

“Your Majesty—”

“How much longer to Eresi?” I ask.

“Five days, Your Majesty. Three if the winds remain in our favor.”

I don’t know why I asked the question. No matter the response, it’s too long. I need to be with Annalise and Ciel now. I need to plan for my kingdom’s defense from an enemy I alerted of our existence. I release an irritated breath, opening my eyes to focus on the horizon again.

Nothing has changed. I am as helpless as I was when Anna was taken.