Page 30 of Up In Flames

Oren

B eing trapped in an elevator with a young woman who’d almost immediately devolved into a panic attack had kept my mind off my own.

I’d helped her focus on her breathing. I’d tried my best to be reassuring and calm, even though I was a mess inside.

But now that Shera was out of here, I could only focus on my own spiraling mental state.

Swallowing hard to keep the contents of my stomach where they belonged, I looked up at a familiar face.

Jonas. Which meant Will was here. Somewhere.

That knowledge eased my mind a little. I briefly wondered why Will wasn’t the one down here because I wanted him to be.

I wanted to hear him assure me that everything was fine.

I didn’t feel fine. The longer I was in the elevator, the more it started to feel like I was stuck in that car all over again.

“Are you ready to get out of there?” Jonas asked as he lowered a line down to me.

“More than.” With trembling hands, I secured the line around myself the way I’d helped with Shera. I tried to take a deep breath, but my chest was too tight to let much air in. I tried breathing through my nose.

The elevator smelled like copper.

It felt like fire. Like death.

My vision swam as I fought to keep the contents of my stomach down.

“Oren, buddy, look at me,” Jonas said. “Just a couple deep breaths. That’s all you need to do now. Okay?”

“Okay.” I sucked in a breath that was supposed to be deep but wasn’t. I could do this. Will was here. His friends were here. Logically, I knew I wasn’t in danger. Emotionally, I was a fucking wreck.

“We’re going to lift you up now. Hang on, okay?”

I nodded at Jonas because I didn’t trust myself to speak. I didn’t know if I could. When Shera had been in here, her panic had distracted me from mine. I’d helped her with all the techniques that I’d learned since the accident. Every trick that seemed beyond my ability at this moment.

Suddenly, solid ground slipped away, and I was swiftly and steadily pulled toward the hatch. The moment I could reach Jonas, I gripped onto him and let him help haul me the rest of the way out of the hatch.

“Think you can manage a ladder?”

“I think—” I shook my head. My head had started to swim a few minutes ago, and I didn’t trust my limbs to do as instructed.

“Okay, then just one more quick lift and you’re out of here. Reel him up, boys.”

I closed my eyes as I was again hoisted into the air. Jonas helped me from below, steadying my ascent and helping lift my legs.

Hands gripped on to me, and my eyes flew open.

Will. Will was here. I knew he would be, but there was a difference between knowing something and seeing it with your own two eyes.

“Will.” His name came out in a sigh of relief.

I wanted to sag against him but restrained myself.

Will wasn’t out. Would his fellow firefighters be able to tell how much I loved him if I let him hug me?

If I took that bit of comfort that my body and soul were screaming for, would they know about us?

“Oren, are you okay?”

I nodded. Then shook my head. Then shrugged. The truth was that a spot had appeared in my vision. One that was a telltale sign that I was about to be in a lot of fucking pain. I hadn’t had a migraine in months, but the stress of the situation must have triggered it.

I wished Will would pull me into his arms. But he was at work.

We were in public, and he was at work, and it wasn’t going to happen.

No matter how much I needed it. No matter how much it looked to me like he wanted it.

He looked like yearning had cracked him in half, and he was struggling to get his emotions under control.

“Oren.” Hal’s familiar voice penetrated my brain fog, and I found myself tugged into Hal’s embrace. “Are you okay?”

I felt Will’s gaze on me. I wished I knew what he was thinking. All we needed was ten minutes alone. Truthfully, I wanted the comfort of his arms. The safety I’d always felt there.

“Must be a Monday,” I mumbled.

“Are you hurt?” Hal asked and I shook my head.

“You should let Will have a look at you anyway. Make sure you’re okay.”

I nodded, accepting the suggestion. Hal steered me toward Will.

“How do you feel?” Will asked, his brow furrowed with concern. There was still plenty of activity going on around the elevators, but now that everyone was out, it was less urgent.

I took a deep breath and glanced at the elevator as Jonas hauled the ladder out of the shaft.

Maintenance shut the doors behind him, preventing any accidents that might happen.

The elevator was still stuck, but now at least the doors had been shut, and maintenance was busy taping it off with signs that it was out of service.

“I feel okay.” I didn’t want Will to worry about me, but the visual aura was turning into a dull throb in the side of my head. I had to get the hell home to where my migraine meds were. I wanted to lie down in the dark and pretend today never happened.

Will took my pulse and asked me if I was sure I didn’t have any injuries.

“I’m fine. I think I’d really just like to go home, though”

Will motioned to Hal, who returned to my side like the faithful friend he was.

“Could you give Oren a lift home? I would, but I’m on shift until tomorrow morning,” he asked Hal, keeping his voice low.

“I’ve already cleared it with Simon. We can go whenever the nice fireman with the first aid training says he’s good to go.”

Will glanced at me. “Call me if you need anything. I don’t care that I’m on shift. Okay?”

“Okay.” I knew I wouldn’t call him. There wasn’t anything he could do for me. I needed quiet and rest and to forget today ever happened.

I gave him a final lingering look. “I’ll be okay. I promise.” God, I wanted to kiss him. He was right in front of me, but he might as well have been across the universe because I couldn’t touch him the way I wanted. Couldn’t look at him for too long or everyone would be able to tell.

“Take good care of him,” Will told Hal, who ushered me away and down a different set of stairs. We took it slow down to the parking garage.

By the time I was in the passenger seat, the headache that I knew was coming had arrived in full force. I buckled myself in and rolled Hal’s window down to give me air flow and mitigate the whole trapped-in-a-metal-box feeling before I closed my eyes and leaned against the headrest.

“You’re really pale. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Headache. Probably the stress.” The stress. The panic. The way I’d flashed back and was trapped in that car again with my two dead friends. The smell of copper pennies and gasoline made my stomach roll.

“Do you need anything?”

“Just home. I have medication there I can take.”

“Do you get a lot of headaches?” Hal started the car and immediately flicked the radio off.

“After the accident I got them all the time. But as time went on, they went away. I haven’t had one in so long I forgot how much they suck.”

Hal seemed to sense my need for quiet, and he let me endure the drive without further chatter. Being the nice guy he was, he escorted me to my apartment and helped me up the stairs—I’d had enough elevators for one day, thank you.

Hal followed me into my apartment. “Get your meds and get into bed.”

“Yes, boss.”

Without turning any lights on, I made my way through my apartment. I stopped at the bathroom and took a piss just so I wouldn’t have to get up for a while. Then I grabbed my meds, stripped down to my underwear, and crawled into bed.

I could hear Hal moving around. He might be robbing me blind for all I knew or cared, but then he crept into my room and pulled the curtains shut the rest of the way.

“I brought you a bottle of water and an ice pack for your head. Did you take your meds?”

“Yes, thank you.” I let Hal fuss over me, tucking me in and gently placing the ice pack on my head.

“My mom used to get migraines. Did you want me to stick around?”

“No. I’m fine.”

Hal made a thoughtful sound like he didn’t quite believe me. Well, too bad for him. I was as fine as I was going to get until my meds kicked in, and I could sleep for twelve or thirteen hours. Days maybe.

“I put your phone on the nightstand. Is it set to silent?”

I managed a nod. I didn’t often get sick anymore, but it had been a while since I had a headache this bad and the more I talked, the larger the lump in my throat felt.

It was stupid, but I wanted Will. But Will was at work doing important firefighter things like pulling people out of elevators and rescuing kittens from storm drains.

“You have my number. If you need anything, I want you to call me. I also expect an update as soon as you feel able.”

“So bossy,” I whispered.

“Okay, I’ll get out of your hair. Rest well.”

I didn’t bother saying goodbye. Hal didn’t seem to expect it of me either. He left the room and closed the door. It wasn’t totally dark, but it was dark enough to suit me just fine. Dark enough that it eased some of the pain lancing through my skull.

I wished for sleep to take me, but my head still felt like it was imploding in on itself. I didn’t fucking miss this. And lying in bed, in the dark, alone, reminded me of how miserable I’d been after the accident and what a lifeline Liam had been for me.

And the fact that other than him, I’d had no one. Everyone had been taken from me. Those months were the worst of my life. And nothing had really changed. I thought it had. I thought I’d found someone, but if I had Will, he’d be here. And he wasn’t.

Migraine me easily devolved into depressed me. Was it the head injury talking? The pain? Elephants were still stampeding over my skull. Or was it just a product of having to lie still in the quiet darkness that got to me? That reminded me of all those months that I went through this alone.

The more things changed, the more they stayed the same.

Eventually, sleep took hold, and I drifted away in the comfort of oblivion.

I woke when it was dark out. My head still throbbed, but it was nothing like before.

I drank half the bottle of water and shot a text to Hal, telling him I was still alive.

It was almost dinner time, but I had no desire or energy for food.

With my proof of life text sent to Hal, I put my phone down, rolled over, and went back to sleep.